Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ring my Dads friend and ask what he thinks..

6 replies

catfromjapan · 30/06/2014 13:49

NC as might out me

My Dad is 70 and has been getting noticeably frailer recently - after a very active life, responsible job etc. He has had anxiety issues since retirement - and has had physical ailments which have in the past got him quite depressed - in a feeding back sort of way (tinnitus makes you feel anxious, anxiety makes tinnitus stay in consciousness: a cycle of worry)

He went on a trip with a very old friend a few weeks back - this friend is a seasoned traveller (and when young men they travelled together) - and so the perfect foil to my dad's anxiety about travel. By all accounts they had a lovely time - a tonic after some recent stress and what my Dad needed.

According to my DM friend advised him to go to the doctors when he got back as he was concerned at DFs frailty and tremors. I think this is not before time - and I have asked him a while back to engage with some physio as he is 'curling up' in stance and 'shuffling' instead of walking: his attitude at the time was of 'resigned inevitability', and I tried my best to encourage him otherwise - not easy.

GP has referred him and said its probably Parkinsons.

Most of info is coming via my DM. When I told her not to be angry with him for being slow at something in the kitchen - I had noticed he couldn't actually do it and was very upset that he couldn't - she said 'oh he CAN do it'. She is frustrated with him, and is too scared to Google Parkinsons yet. I have told her he has memory problems which she has not really noticed - 'oh we're all like that'.

AIBU to ring his friend and ask how he really was - and about his memory - or will it all come out in the wash anyway?

OP posts:
WitchWay · 30/06/2014 13:55

I'd ring the friend if I were you. It's useful having an independent opinion.

Sidthesausage · 30/06/2014 14:16

Ring the friend in confidence

OldBeanbagz · 30/06/2014 14:27

I'd ring the friend but your DF's symptoms sound like my dad just before he was diagnosed (he was 63 at the time).

My dad buried his head in the sand at first and refused to accept the diagnosis of Parkinsons. Maybe your mum is doing that? Reassure her that there's plenty of support for sufferers and carers.

Medication will do a lot for his tremors/walking and it would help him to keep active, even if it's just going for a short walk every day.

Lovecat · 30/06/2014 14:29

Ring the friend.

My dad had Alzheimers. I live 250 miles away, so it struck me very obviously - my mum, who was with him every day, had almost tuned it out and she refused to recognise it for a long while, even with me and my sister (who also lives a good distance away) saying it - in the same way, she also got frustrated and said 'we're all getting older, of course we forget things'. She got very snappy with him before he was eventually diagnosed.

I'm not sure what finally pushed her to go to the doctor - my sister and I's relentless nagging, possibly. Good luck and sorry to hear this about your dad :)

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 30/06/2014 14:39

Hi OP. Sorry about your DF. YANBU to comtact Friend.

Yout DM sounds like MIL when FIL got Lewy body dementia (a disease somewhat like Parkinson's). She got very angry with him, and when he was diagnosed felt enormous guilt. She'll need help with that too.

Courage and good luck.

catfromjapan · 30/06/2014 14:46

Thanks all,
Trying to contact friend. I worry about them both really. Talk about can of worms :-(

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread