Regarding this peanut allergy

[murphys]

Both my dc do martial arts. There is a boy at their class (D) who imo is a pfb. I have known them for a while as he was at primary with my ds. When chatting with his mum, it would appear that she is still sitting with him doing homework, doing his projects for him, if you have a conversation with the boy, the mum will automatically answer his questions for him. The boy is 16.

I know that he has an allergy to peanuts as in a previous conversation, mum wouldn't allow him to go on school camp as she said that she couldn't take the risk that peanut butter wouldn't be served there in sandwiches.

They have done marital arts in the same class for 3 years now. Last week dc came home and said that before they were to start sparring, Shifu (instructor) asked everyone is anyone had eaten peanuts in the last two days. My dc are great fans of peanut butter, ds said he had a sarmie that day. Shifu then said that D's mother had requested that if anyone has eaten peanuts, then they are not allowed to spar with D. So, as ds is D's sparring partner usually, ds had to sit out until such a time as they rotated the class.

Last week I was a bit surprized by this, but now I just overheard the dc who are on holidays now. Ds offers to make dd sandwich. He just made her a peanut butter one. She gets it and I hear her gasp and say 'oh no I cant eat this as we are going to class tonight'.....

Do you think aibu in thinking that we shouldn't have to change our diets and fret about what we eat in case they do sparring this evening in class? This hasn't been an issue in all the years they have been going with D and the mum didn't mention that he had any allergic incidents recently.

[OHforDUCKScake]

I dont think anyone should sit out. I think the kid should stay away from the peanut butter child and just not spar with them.

[fascicle]

OP, sounds like the views you already have about the mother/son are colouring your judgment about the possible severity (or not) of the boy's allergy. Definitely worth seeking clarity from the leader person. If the boy's allergy is severe enough to warrant not sparring with others who have recently consumed peanuts, then it's not really sufficient to rely on people's memories about what they've eaten over the past two days. Something more formal needs to be done. (Not sure why they don't mix up sparring partners - much more productive to spar with different people.)

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

Could she have said that he has had an epipen for 4 years or that she realised one of his epipens was 4 years out of date?
I find it very irresponsible for somebody to have only one epipen which is 4 years out of date so I am clutching at straws for a possible misinterpretation.

[Icimoi]

I think the instructor could get into all kinds of trouble if he made the allergic student sit out just because of his allergies.

But I'm still mystified why anyone had to. Presumably they partnered the allergic child with a non peanut eater; presumably if that hadn't happened, the non peanut eater would have had a different partner. Why couldn't that partner work with your ds?

[lljkk]

I guess the peanut-allergic boy can never go to competitions, then, right? Because they can't police what everyone else there has eaten? What about grading? How does he manage at gradings when they are supposed to fight new opponents to demonstrate their skills?

I think OP might be right that it's the wrong sport for the lad. Something like Tai-Chi or other non-contact martial arts might be better.

There was/is a lad at our school who has contact allergy to peanuts. He can't even eat lunch with others.

[BarbarianMum]

Of course he can enter competitions. And go on the tube, or crowded shopping centres and to gigs and he can eat in restaurants. Because this is his life and he has to live it. And sometimes it will be dangerous and sometimes he will have unexpected and potentially life threatening reactions.

That doesn't mean he can't also look to make some situations safer.

[windchime]

I always think it is weird how, during 20 years of working for the NHS, and putting 2 DCs through school, I have NEVER met anyone with a real peanut allergy. According to MN, every other person is allergic to peanuts

[murphys]

They have a sparring partner in the class. They are paired up according to the grade they are in and their weight category etc. But they do spar with the rest of the class after the initial spar with their partner. When they spar in competitions they will only spar against their own grade and weight. So ds and D are of a similar weight and are the only two in the class at the moment who are on the same grade. So, hence the reason why dc sat out (because he had eaten the pb sandwich earlier) so D sparred with Shifu . Ds afterwards then sparred with the other members of the class, as they were all sparring with their own partners earlier.

[BarbarianMum]

Really Have you met many with fake peanut allergy?

[lljkk]

Martial arts is a very intimate & physical contact sport. Ingestion 2 days ago is far less risk than competitions/grading when the foe may have had peanuts in last 2 minutes. I can see why OP thinks the request makes no sense.

I think I'd let my kids make their own choices, though, if they want to, let them skip out PB to make their lives easier.

[IHeartKingThistle]

windchime sorry I really don't understand your point. DS is allergic to peanuts. If you met him in RL you would have met someone with a peanut allergy. Unless you think my 4 year old is pretending? It's not anything funny

[HappyAgainOneDay]

I'm still reading the first page but it's not fair that the OP's DCs should sit out when they could have a go. As others have said, why can't they spar with someone else?

Apart from that, are you paying for these classes / club? If so, you are not getting your money's worth if they have to miss out some of the time..

[AMumInScotland]

windchime I don't think it's unusual not to have met people with a serious peanut allergy. It is not hugely common.

But it is real, and can be very, very serious for the small number of people affected.

And it only needs one person in a school with a peanut allergy, which you might not personally be aware of, for the school to stop and think about whether it ought to have rules about peanuts, or other nuts, in lunch boxes.

I'm in my late 40s now. In that time I have met precisely one adult (to my knowledge) with a serious peanut allergy. It is very real, and very serious, for that specific individual, to the extent that he cannot be in the same room as an open bag of peanuts, and has on more than one occasion spent time in hospital due to coming into contact with them. Not eating them, not shoving his nose in the bag, just a slight contact, via the air, or another person, or not even knowing why until his face and throat swell up and he can't breathe, and has to use an epi-pen and then get blue-lighted to hospital.

I know a lot of people talk glibly about 'having allergies' when they just mean they find x or y gives them a bit of a rash of a tummy-ache. But anaphylactic shock is a genuine medical emergency level of allergy.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

one of the schools i worked with had a banana ban, there was a banana amnesty thing going on at reception whereby anyone entering the building with one in their bag had to hand it over, I am guessing that was some serious allergy.

[OutsSelf]

I'd really assume that the allergic boy's mum has been handling this issue for 16 years and has a good sense of what is an appropriate restriction. I feel quite sorry for her - she probably just said, "Look, DS shouldn't sparr with anyone who's eaten peanut butter in the last day or so," and that simple sentence has opened her to scrutiny of her whole parenting style.

OP, why not just clarify for yourself what the actual implications here are directly with allergic boy/'s mum? And pursue a satisfactory outcome for both your DS and allergic boy? Where they don't sparr each other but do sparr others in the case that your DS just can't do without peanut butter for a whole 48hrs?

People may very well be over anxious about allergies but as PP have said, they can be fatal so it's easy to empathise with that. OP's DS has had one day, one activity affected and no one is asking that he change his whole lifestyle. No one is saying he even has to comply with the 48hr restriction, but it really doesn't seem very much to ask.

[BabyMonkeyBrains]

If his allergy is that severe then I'm not sure why the mother is taking such excessive precautions whilst he is sparring but doesn't replace an out of date epi pen. Also What good is an epi pen (even if it was in date) if he doesn't carry it around himself? If he had a reaction would he have to wait for his mum to arrive?

[DeWee]

Severe allergy she might be right.
I had a couple of peanuts at about 9/10am. After I had a drink, and I'd certainly washed my hands at least once.

I was meeting up with a group of friends in a cafe type place. I had hardly got through the door (with buggy, so not quick) when one of them said "has anyone eaten nuts this morning". She was a good 10m away and her throat was tightening.
She was very very allergic though, after she had accidently eaten a nut a couple of years previously, and been blue lighted to hospital. She was very close to dying that day, but the long term result seemed to be that having been allergic, but not that bad, she was very allergic, and she also developped allergies to several other things at the same time.

[GrantKnox]

I think you are letting your feelings about this family and the out of date epipen cloud your opinion here. Why are you questioning this? Your children seem happy to make the adjustments.

Nut allergies are real. I was with my friend when she put something in her mouth that had a tiny amount of nut in it. She spat it out immediately. Sadly she was dead by the morning

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

Windchime - I always think it is weird how, during 20 years of working for the NHS, and putting 2 DCs through school, I have NEVER met anyone with a real peanut allergy. According to MN, every other person is allergic to peanuts

So just because YOU have never met them, are you suggesting it is all fakery? What an incredibly smug and dismissive comment.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

My daughter has had to carry Epipens for 14 years - she has not done so for fun or attention. It drives her to distraction to have to avoid and question so many foodstuffs just incase she may experience a reaction. She used to actually like nuts, before the allergy kicked in.

She's had to be sent out of the classroom when parents have sent in cakes for birthdays, because they've contained nuts and obviously she couldn't have any. Are you suggesting she or children in the same situation choose to do this on a whim and want to be left out of celebrations and treats? Bizarre notion . . .

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

(That last comment was also aimed at Windchime) Sorry - but it does annoy me when people hoik bosoms when they know not what they say

[offtoseethewizard64]

I just find it unbelievable that the mother has allowed the epipen to go out of date if her DS has an allergy that severe. My DD has severe epilepsy - we never leave home without 'in-date' rescue medication even if she hasn't had a seizure for months.
I have no experience of nut allergy (thank goodness) but have been on a plane twice where they have announced at the start of the flight that they have a passenger on board who has a nut allergy so they will not be serving peanuts. Never have I heard them ask any passengers if they have brought their own peanut butter sandwiches on board - or indeed if they have eaten any on the way to the airport.
I wonder how they manage the rest of their life - standing in queues next to people who may have eaten peanuts for example.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

You work for the nhs windchime? Let's hope you are behind a desk somewhere and not actually in direct contact with people who might need some understanding. I wonder why we were sent to Guy's allergy clinic to have ds tested for nuts,perhaps they just thought we could do with a day out at a pretend allergy clinic?

[Likeaninjanow]

For the people commenting that the GP can't be too worried about the allergy if the epi-pen is out of date... The gp has no idea when people's epipens go out of date. It's each individual's responsibility to make sure they're on top of it. My sons are checked at his annual appt with his consultant, but they go out of date in between those.

The mother should be teaching her 16 year old to take more responsibility for his allergy. However, my DS is only 6, and I know I'll find it very hard to allow him to do so when he's older.

Could you possibly have misunderstood about the epipen being out of date? It just seems a bit reckless if his allergy is severe!

[CornChips]

My DS has a severe peanut allergy and we carry epipens at all times. Thankfully it is not a contact allergy where if it merely touches skin it is a problem. It is only a problem if it is ingested or touches his lips (membranes).


I go to London for meetings every two months. I leave on a Friday,I return on a Saturday. A few months ago I ate a pad thai on the saturday at lunch. I brushed my teeth, and washed my face with soap. When I got home, some 9 hours later i kissed DS on his face near his lips.

We ended up in A&E that night. And his allergy- while severe- is not as severe as some. Peanut allergies are not be fucking messed around with, and they are TERRIBLY stressful for a parent.