Regarding this peanut allergy

[murphys]

Both my dc do martial arts. There is a boy at their class (D) who imo is a pfb. I have known them for a while as he was at primary with my ds. When chatting with his mum, it would appear that she is still sitting with him doing homework, doing his projects for him, if you have a conversation with the boy, the mum will automatically answer his questions for him. The boy is 16.

I know that he has an allergy to peanuts as in a previous conversation, mum wouldn't allow him to go on school camp as she said that she couldn't take the risk that peanut butter wouldn't be served there in sandwiches.

They have done marital arts in the same class for 3 years now. Last week dc came home and said that before they were to start sparring, Shifu (instructor) asked everyone is anyone had eaten peanuts in the last two days. My dc are great fans of peanut butter, ds said he had a sarmie that day. Shifu then said that D's mother had requested that if anyone has eaten peanuts, then they are not allowed to spar with D. So, as ds is D's sparring partner usually, ds had to sit out until such a time as they rotated the class.

Last week I was a bit surprized by this, but now I just overheard the dc who are on holidays now. Ds offers to make dd sandwich. He just made her a peanut butter one. She gets it and I hear her gasp and say 'oh no I cant eat this as we are going to class tonight'.....

Do you think aibu in thinking that we shouldn't have to change our diets and fret about what we eat in case they do sparring this evening in class? This hasn't been an issue in all the years they have been going with D and the mum didn't mention that he had any allergic incidents recently.

[BarbarianMum]

Peanut oil is actually very low risk as contains very little of the peanut protein, even if cold-pressed. Peanut butter is high risk. Just because it is not possible to eliminate risk, doesn't mean you can't try and minimize it or should spend your life as a recluse.

[MyFairyKing]

The instructor is the issue IMO. He should be rearranging the class so that no one has to sit out.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

PFB= precious first born. A sneery term often used when someone is deemed over protective. I would love to see how pfb the OP got if they had a severely allergic child

[MyFairyKing]

I understand not eating peanuts the same day but 2 days before, is this common? Genuinely asking as I know very little about severe allergies. Is it the same for severe dairy allergies?

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

PFB= precious first born. Thanks, DameDiazepam. Thought it must have been 'Precious' something or other, but couldn't quite figure it out

[IHeartKingThistle]

So what if they can't have a peanut butter sandwich? Be grateful your children don't have life-threatening allergies. FFS.

DS is allergic to peanuts but not severely. However a reaction for him would mean a very painful eczema flare-up that could last weeks. I avoid for that reason; I can't imagine avoiding because my child might die.

This lad might well be PFB. The mother may well be overprotective. That doesn't make him any less allergic.

[Sidthesausage]

Maybe you could find out what the safe time limit is between eating nuts and having contact with someone who's allergic.

It's a good lesson for your DS to be considerate and think of others.

It would have been preferable for your son to sit out for a bit and for her son to sit out for a bit so that it was fair

Of course a nut allergy can be fatal so best to follow guide lines.

Epi pens have a short shelf life - often only a year and a half or a year once they are with patients.

[Sidthesausage]

The instructor really should have emailed all parents a few days before out lining her DS's needs to stay healthy

[AMumInScotland]

Anaphylaxis can kill within minutes. An epipen can keep them alive long enough for the ambulance to arrive, and the call will almost certainly have gone to the very top of the queue at the ambulance station. They are likely to be in hospital overnight even after treatment.

Not being able to spar - ie touch and breathe on this boy - doesn't seem that complicated a rule for your DC to have to follow. They can eat peanuts if they like, but then they have to obey rules for this boy's safety.

By all means talk to Shifu about how the situation can be better managed though - it should be possible for him to rearrange the groups to avoid problems rather than making others sit out.

[Luggagecarousel]

This is not unheard of.

I have had so many students with very severe peanut allergies, that I no longer eat peanut butter during term time at all.

I really enjoy it during the holiday!

But seriously, some people can really be that sensitive to the allergen.

[mistlethrush]

It would appear, though, that the OP's DS's previous peanut butter sandwich eating hasn't resulted in any problems otherwise the epipen would have been used and a replacement would have been needed - so why does something that has been happening for years (presumably) suddenly have to change? For severe allergies I can understand 'on the day' - but 48 hours seems to be excessive - something that draconian certainly should have been circulated around prior to the class.

[DrewsWife]

I have a severe nut and latex allergy. I carry an epipen. 2 days prior is over the top.

I have made it to resus several times which is always a unique experience. im not frightened by it now. .... sounds like mum is going through a major stresser in her life and this is one that can be controlled by her..

its not a bad thing. its a fear response.

epi pen should be carried by the person with the allergy. it must be in date and its advisable to wear something that alerts attending emergency services if person cant speak and no one is there to speak for them.

but.... teens can be assholes I know as I have one with arthritis who often would ignore her condition. medical staff know about this age and stage.

is it possible that she is doing this to shame him into caring for himself???

oh one persons reaction wont be the same as anothers. I can now tolerate sitting next to nut eaters. my husband gave up eating nuts to keep me safe

now that im pregnant im craving nuts lol... its killing me not to go out and buy a bag lol.

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

Dairy allergy is not the same as peanut (legume) allergy because peanut particles are more likely to be airborne. The symptoms if consumed (or skin contact) are very similar and both are life threatening.
It could be that this boy had experienced a reaction recently which has reminded his mum that special precautions are required.
It wasn't even his mum that told your son he couldn't spar with the boy so you don't actually know what she said or whether the instructor has taken an OTT approach.
Allergies are life threatening and whether your son is directly sparring with the other boy or not consumption of a peanut butter sandwich early in the day could present a medical situation for this boy as I am presuming that they use the same equipment. Can he just eat a different sandwich on practice days?

[ArcheryAnnie]

Thing is, the OPs children avoiding PB sandwiches isn't going to keep this allergic kid safe. The instructions against contact with nuts seems to be inconsistent with what has gone before. Plus, other kids saw that the OP's DC missed a sparring session they had paid for because they admitted they had eaten PB previously. The main lesson from that some with have taken from it (because teens can be incredibly self-centred) is that if you admit you've eaten PB, you will get penalised. How many, I'd bet, will eat PB anyway but just not admit it in future?

The allergic kid's family need to do a bit more joined-up thinking on this, IMO, if they want other people to adapt their lives around their kid's allergy.

[poorbuthappy]

Bit worrying that the epi-pen is 4 years out of date though. Doesn't seem to indicate that she's that worried for her son's health.

Or did you mean he hasn't had a reaction for 4 years?

[Icimoi]

I don't think what has happened previously re other children eating nuts is relevant. Some allergies do get worse over time: I've developed an allergy to something that I was absolutely fine with till around 10 years ago, and my reaction every time I accidentally eat something with the allergen in has become steadily worse. Likewise, my DF was allergic to bee and wasp stings, and whereas in the early stages his reaction wasn't too bad, it ultimately reached a point when it became potentially life threatening.

Also I imagine the mother is more worried about this in martial arts because of the close contact the children have with each other.

[DrewsWife]

epi pen is how long out of date??? call her on it. ask her why your children need to adapt but that a 4 year out of date epipen is acceptable.

really suggests to me that doctors are not concerned at all about him and.mum might be over egging the pudding by well a whole hen house.

[OHforDUCKScake]

OP epipens last months. Not years, Im constantly changing my sons pen.

My cousins wife regularly goes into anaphylactic shock because of peanuts. The most recent one was when she went to her a friends house, started swelling up, had the adrenalin and went to hospital by ambulance. Turned out that her friend had eaten cruncynut corn flakes that morning.

It wasnt near by, there was no bowl near by, it happened house before. Yet she still nearly died from it.

It IS possible to be that allergic.

[murphys]

What she told me was the epipen was out of date, it had recently expired. I thought she said that it was 'in date' for a period of 4 years, so good for 4 years. I see another poster says that they usually can only be kept for 1.5 years, so now I am not sure.

I was curious about the 2 day window time. I can understand earlier on the day or before class, but from what the mum is saying, this means they cannot eat anything with peanuts on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, 4 days a week.

I will have a word with the instructor this week, to see if the extra precaution is with him or with the family.

[DrewsWife]

let me check date on mine. got my.new one last week.

[BarbarianMum]

Well to be fair I've never seen advice that recommends a 2 day ban on nut products so I'd definitely query that. Avoiding peanuts the meal before the class would be fine I would think, with a quick teeth brush and hand wash if eaten earlier (say mid-afternoon).

[dawndonnaagain]

My BiL is allergic to prawns. No prawns 24 hours before seeing him because he will have a reaction. It is unfortunate but it's the way it is. Sometimes people really are that allergic.
(And no, they don't go to restaurants etc.).

[BarbarianMum]

Well I take it back then. But 48 hours does seem excessive.

[OHforDUCKScake]

I got my sons new epipens a month ago, they expire in January.

[WhatWouldCaitlinDo]

I have a peanut allergy and if I'm in the same room as someone who has eaten peanuts that day I will usually have a mild reaction.

Unless you have a child with severe allergies it's difficult to judge the mother, and I think "calling" her on the out of date Epi pen is unnecessary and mean. You don't know what she's been through; maybe it's a (non-functioning) comfort blanket.

How about suggesting to the teacher that the allergic student is the one to sit out? I would never expect someone else to miss out because of my allergies.

At the same time, teenagers are old enough to understand about making allowances for other people and there are lots of sandwich types so it wouldn't do them any harm to avoid PB twice a week. They could have them after their class instead.