To be upset at exes new girlfriends views on abortion?

[Fanfeckintastic]

My long term ex and father of my child has a new partner and I did something bloody foolish and unreasonable and had a little glance at her Facebook out of curiousity really.

I'm actually really upset at my "findings", her entire page seems dedicated to anti abortion things. Big stories about how abortion is murder and is the same as killing one of your living children, horrible pictures etc.

I'm so shocked because myself and ex are so so pro choice, have gone to marches etc here in Ireland. I'm so upset because together "we" had an abortion a couple of years ago and I can't believe he's with someone so venomously against it, someone who if she knew, would think of me as a murderer.

She will be meeting my little girl soon (this won't change that, I'm just saying)

I know I was unreasonable to look at her page, am I crazy for feeling like this though?

I totally understand how you feel, as a fellow pro-choice Irish woman. It must seem like a total betrayal of your past together, particularly as you have a child to raise.

Having grown up in Ireland through the horrendous times of the X case etc, I absolutely see where you're coming from.

You're NOT being unreasonable. You're shocked your boyfriend has ended up with polar opposite views, and who thinks you're a murderer. What's unreasonable about that??

It's not as if you are planning on denying contact or anything. Now THAT would be unreasonable.

She sounds like rabid pro-birther and I'd steer clear. At the first sniff of my kid being exposed to that sort of shite and I'd also reconsider allowing her to be part of my child's life.

You have every right to be upset. I can see the argument that you should not have been 'snooping' but this is someone your dd is going to spend time with and researching her is part of your instinct as a parent.

I think the fact you have a daughter is also important, is this new person in her life going to talk to her about this? Sorry I didn't wee an age for your daughter so may not be relevant.

I can be extremely cynical and conniving, and I would suspect that fb has been set up this way to wind you up. There are obviously no privacy settings or at least few enough that you can see what she wants you to see.

If it has, then it is working, she has got a reaction, she has got something between you and your ex.

Even if these are her true beliefs then you can still think of it as being something to get a reaction out of you.

And you know the best way to deal with that is to ignore, ignore, ignore.

I guess the only consolation is that she's unlikely to be unpleasant to your child or at least no more likely to be unpleasant to your child as a result of her views.

Gosh, it would be so, so lovely to think there was some logic in this, but it definitely does not follow. Just ask the Tuam nuns.

OP - I totally get why you're upset. I would be too.

Even if you are anti abortion, which in itself is not that bad, to have loads of stuff on fb about it is a bit weird and I would be concerned about someone with such blinkered, one sided views spending time with my child. I would be concerned they are ignorant and stupid.

I would speak to your ex about it and wouldn't be concerned about looking on fb at all. Everyone does it. It is a puvblic forum,

I might have a word with ex - presumably he is on your Facebook? I know I sometimes get items from friends of friends showing up. Can you say that you saw something that makes it seem new gf is an anti abortion campaigner, and that is fine and her decision, but you don't want your daughter to be influenced by those views so it's something you don't want her discussing with your child. Obviously she won't be talking about it to a little girl, but as your child grows older in teenager years it might start to crop up.

I would be horrified too OP, to know that my children were going to be exposed to such ignorant and dangerous ideas. By all means, if you don't like abortion, don't have one, but no-one has the right to impose their views on the subject on other people or try to make a woman feel guilt for what was probably the most difficult decision of her life.

Sadly, however, there's not much you can do but make sure your DD hears sense from you on the issue (if it ever comes up; you don't say how old she is so hopefully she won't be exposed to any of it).

Otherwise, just hope that your ex splits with her soon, and remember in the meantime that her ignorant views are a reflection on her, not on you.

Well it isn't any of your business, no. But I daresay she already knows you had an abortion.

YABU Grow up, sometimes people have differing beliefs and opinions. Get over it.

YABU, she hasn't tried to foist them onto you.

It's one thing to know in an abstract way that there are people with very different views, it's quite another to encounter them in this way. It's particularly upsetting when it is something that you are passionate about. YANBU to be upset.

I would only be concerned if, at some point in the future, Ex's partner tries to lecture/convince your DD on her views.

Just because his new girlfriend is anti-abortion, does not mean that DD's father has actually changed his views though. Couples often have opposing views on issues don't they?

Ex's partner should not try to impress her views on OP's DD. Ex can, of course, she's his DD too. So it may be a distinction without a difference. DD will grow up learning that her parents disagree on this and other important subjects, nothing wrong with that.

YABU. We have free speech in this country.

If she's posting all that shite on her Facebook it's a bit unlikely that OP's ex has managed to skip her eulogising on the subject. She probably already knows about the abortion (or will eventually). You can bet that ex will tell the story in the way which shows him in the best light, if he does tell her. That would worry me- I wouldn't want someone being around my child who was so vocally against one of the most painful decisions I'd ever had to make. She's unlikely to hide her feelings or contempt (based on my experiences with pro-choicers here to date).

But maybe he'll catch himself on, realise that maybe this isn't a match made in Marie Stopes after all and dump her. You never know.

Sorry YABU. She is allowed to have her views.

Gawd, I'd be pissed off too if ds's dad got with
someone like that.
Yanbu. Course it's upsetting when a potential step parent is revealed as a bigot.

Yes, I'd hate it if my child's step parent had views like that.