Shocking relationship (trigger warning!)

[ReputableBiscuit]

I used to work with two women, A and B, until we were all made redundant. Still friends with A, who is still friends with B, so I end up asking after B once in a while and hear updates about her. B's dad left when she was tiny and they had no contact growing up. They were recently reunited (B is mid-30s, single, no kids) and felt a mutual attraction that they've acted on. A is scandalised because B confided in her that she is sleeping with her dad. A says the knowledge really upsets her and she wants to tell the police. I think it's not her problem or her business and she should let them act how they wish in private, however shocking incest is. WWYD?

Wow

I'd report it. Incest is against the law and might also be construed as abuse.

Don't report that they are doing it because you have no proof. Just say that you've heard that they are.

I think I wouldn't have posted this on MN.

Just because she is an adult does not meant that this is an equal relationship. She may be vulnerable to abuse by him due to the fact that he is her father, and out if a desperate need to get on with him.

I think your friend is right to want to raise the issue with someone.

That's unbelievable.

GSA is a recognised disorder and these circumstances sound the same.

It is up to your friend or you if you wish to report but I think a good friend wold try and encourage B to seek proper counselling to deal with the issue before getting a criminal record.

What does GSA stand for, dotty?

Genetic Sexual Attraction.

It occurs in parent/child and sibling relationships where there has been no contact since birth or since they were very young.

When they have not been brought up in the normal family surroundings those boundaries are not there and it can lead to a sexual attraction. It is documented to happen between brothers and sisters, Father and daughters and mother and son (son was usually adopted at birth).

I have read a few reports on it and although it is incest it does not fall in to the same category as say a father who has brought up his daughter from birth and then enters into a relationship.

Thanks. I admit I tried to dissaude A from reporting - it just doesn't feel like our business. Obviously I wouldn't report myself as that would just be hearsay.

Maybe explain GSA to friend A and point out that encouraging friend B to seek proper help maybe a better way of supporting her rather than going to the police.
I understand that there is a concern regarding the father being manipulative/emotionally abusive however if friend B is an adult then GSA is more likely than it being a forced relationship.

GSA=genetic sexual attraction.

Has A discussed her concerns about this with B? Do you and A feel that B is particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of by her father or unable to make a rational decision for herself (even if this action is irrational in itself)? Is she ashamed but unable to stop for fear of 'losing' her father again? Has A suggested counseling to B?

I don't know that I would run to the police as they both are adults. It may stop the relationship, but at what cost to B? She would be subjected to public ridicule, a police record, and her life may never recover. If she were a minor or if she was a mentally vulnerable adult, I'd say report him for taking advantage. Better to first try reasoning with her. She must know, deep down, that what she is doing is not healthy for her.

Wow. Yes, I agree I think this does need reporting to the police. For her own good. She needs intervention.

Wow. Yes, I agree I think this does need reporting to the police. For her own good. She needs intervention.

Why would it be for her own good?

A conviction does not always end the relationship.
It as Across pointed out could lead to all kinds of issues for friend B and ultimately prevent her from seeking proper support and help to deal with this.

I understand it's not uncommon in adopted children finding their birth parents - they feel love, but it doesn't get "processed" (for want of a better word) as child/parent love, as there was never a child/parent relationship, so the parties end up expressing it as adult/adult love - incest.

This sounds like a very similar situation - trying to express love, but doing so inappropriately. Could A suggest counselling to B? I doubt a criminal record would help anyone here.

I'm not sure I'd run to police straight away. Really they both need some sort of help and a criminal conviction probably won't go much actual good so to speak.

I'd try and get her to see someone or at least point her in the direction of some information/helplines ? There must be some ?