To think this is unreasonable?

[Siarie]

Here's the story, my brother has just come back to live with my parents after university. While he is finding a job he is going to get job seekers allowance (JSA). I have three brothers just so you understand as you are reading.

Many years ago my older brother (2) was on JSA for about a year when my parents put up house keeping pricing specifically to make him get a job. They priced him out of being able to stay at home basically. My very eldest brother (1) who was working had to pay the increased charge also which he was very unhappy about at the time.

So fast forward to now, my younger brother (3) will get £229.40 in JSA a month and my parents want him to pay £230 a month to them for food, electric and washing. I think that's completely unreasonable as he has only just come back and it leaves him with no money at all to do anything.

Brother (3) was looking forward to going to the gym or swimming, but won't even have a penny.

I don't live with them thankfully since they in my eyes are the most uncaring people ever. Am I being unreasonable to think that this is unreasonable?

Your parents sound delightful.

Can your brother possibly stay with you or one of your other brothers?

Hope he finds his feet soon.

they are BVU

Yanbu.

YANBU.

I think that's really quite mean.

It is NBU to encourage him to get work asap, but totally unreasonable for them to expect him to pay every penny (or more!) to them.

I think it's pretty obvious that your parents don't want their adult offspring living there.

Can he not stay with you instead?

YANBU. All sounds rather dysfunctional.

So effectively they see him as a long term extra income because without a penny to his name to pay postage for applications, pay travel costs for interviews, buy suitable clothing and keep himself presentable (haircuts etc) he has no hope in hell of finding a job - despite getting job seekers allowance

Done properly, job seeking costs money. When he's 60p down already, how's he supposed to get to interviews/do voluntary work/buy shoe polish etc? They ABVU.

They do sound very uncaring.
To be fair though, I have got 2 grown up sons living at home temporarily while they sort themselves out, and although I love them dearly, I am struggling with the house being full of all their stuff, and the disruption of their comings and goings.

It is stressful sharing with large adults when you have got used to having your home to yourself for a few years.

Depends on the circumstances and how much he will do whilst living at home

My son will be in same position fairly soon - I will be charging him £150 a month which is the same as his older (working) sister

I will be expecting him to be looking for a job anyway as will the DWP!
All members of my household are expected to take a share in housework, and do their own laundry, ironing etc

Sometimes we eat together and take turns to do the washing up, if cooking and eating on own, then clearing up afterwards is also part of it

Communal areas need to be kept tidy (to my standards - as I pay mortgage, bills etc) how they keep their own rooms is up to them as I do not enter them without permission

If I have any spare finances I help them both out where I can, sometimes as gifts but more usually by loans, (they have always repaid btw)

Again if I can afford to I will pay my son, or reduce his rent for doing specific jobs for example gardening - sadly at moment am struggling so won't be often

I see our household as a group of adults who live together by choice and show each other respect, which includes the basics of privacy, fair finances etc - that's how I brought them up and seems to work

It sounds like there are a whole host of other issues going on within this family - perhaps talking to each other would be a good start

Me and my DH live 100+ miles away same with Brother (1). So it's not really workable as he needs to find work in that area.

Brother (2) still lives with them so they are used to having him there, he is working now though.

I think I might have a word with my parents and see if I can try and conceive them but usually they just say if you don't like it then leave.

Looking forward to going to the gym or swimming? Wouldn't getting a job be a priority? How long is he planning on being unemployed?

Seems like a powerful incentive for him to get a job to me.

I think both sides are being a little U.

You are unreasonable to think your brother should be using his Job seekers allowance to join and have fun at the gym. It's supposed to be used to support him in finding a job and surviving until he does, not give him funds for some jollys. You are also unreasonable to be interfering. It's their home, their rules.

They are being unreasonable to be charging the full allowance from him. Finding work costs money: new clothes, stamps, travel etc. by leaving him nothing how is he supposed to do that? Is this the rate they charge his working brother out if interest?

Surely if he has just finished university he can look for work anywhere in the country/world. Why is he tied to the place your parents live?

Perhaps he could try doing A year with something like CSV, he would get bed and board and a little bit of cash, and it would give him time to be looking for a job too. It also looks good on your CV www.csv.org.uk/volunteering/full-time

Interesting points Monty, I suppose I see it as yes the main focus is putting 100% into finding work of course, but it could be some time in this climate and everyone needs a balance in their lives. I do understand your point and I can even agree if I think of it only logically.

They charge the same amount to brother (2) who works. But they only charge it because they put the price up intentionally when brother (2) was on JSA many years ago so he didn't have any money left. Brother (2) was lazy and he did not put that much effort into finding a job, rather than have a conversation my parents forced the issue.

It does look like they are trying to motivate him to find work fast, which is not unreasonable, plus keeping it equal to others contributing. It does seem rather harsh to charge him all of (slightly more than) his current income though.

Would they barter it down if he took on certain household jobs while he's looking for work?

I think your parents are being incredibly mean, how is your brother supposed to be able to buy clothes suitable for interviews, and to travel there if they want 60p more than his monthly JSA?

Whist about if he wants to buy a paper, or something small for himself? Everyone needs a little bit of money to call their own, even if the amount is very small.

Reminds me of my parents, I stayed with them for four months, along with my 3 DC after leaving XH due to his emotional and physical violence.

Out of the £468 I was receiving in benefits monthly, I had to pay them£375' also had to do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, everything else in the house for the six of us living there. I had to buy all the food for myself and my DC, as well as contribute more money when the bills came in. It was a hard, tough, joyless existence and thank goodness the council found me a house after four months!

Could your brother stay with another relation or friend, still contributing something, but less than your parents are demanding?

I thought JSA was purposely set so low to encourage folk to find work.

How is he supposed to buy his own toiletries? Get a haircut? Travel to interviews? Keeping fit is always a good thing, he should be able to go for an occasional swim. ANd seeing other people is also part of a healthy existance!

Could you intervene on his behalf?

I would call their bluff and ask how much of that includes actual rent. Then I would ask them to write this down, officially, with a rent book and put in a claim for HB.

Could he not rent a room? At least then he would get help with the rent. Plus have money to eat, be clean and look for work instead of being constantly in debt.

He won't be able to claim housing benefit for renting a room at his parents house.

If he could find a room to rent elsewhere which does take HB, he sounds like he'd be financially better off doing that.

Looking forward to going to the gym or swimming? Wouldn't getting a job be a priority? How long is he planning on being unemployed?

Even when seriously job-hunting, you are allowed a bit of down-time for heaven's sake!