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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to visit new nephew in Venezeula??

16 replies

ShabbyChic999 · 29/06/2014 11:21

Hi mums,

My brother and his wife have just had a baby but they live in Venezuela....he is my only sibling and we're very close. I went over there for the wedding last year on my own since the flights for all of us (DH, our 2 girls and myself) would have been very expensive plus a long trip with 2 children under 5. Now the baby is born I am dying to go over to see him, my brother works for an airline and could get me a cheapish flight (350ish as opposed to 1000) - he can only get it for a direct relative like a parent or sibliing so can't get cheap flight for DH or the girls. I am a SAHM so was thinking I could go during the summer and ask my parents to mind the girls.

DH thinks the idea is utterly crazy and that I'm really selfish to even think about it.....we are going on a family holiday in Italy already this summer, he thinks it's selfish of me to want another holiday without the rest of the family. He also won't consider us all going or even for just the 2 of us to go over. I keep telling him that I'm not looking for a holiday, I just want to go over and see my nephew, be with them and maybe help if poss, babysit for a night or two. I'd have to go for a week given the journey length involved. He also doesn't like the idea of being here on his own with the girls at my parent's house. Last year he took a week off work to mind them while I went to the wedding, I know that was a bit rough for him as he used a week's holidays but just sat at home while I was away living it up but that's the decision we made together. This way I thought that if my parents take them at least he doesn't have to use a week of holidays.

WWYD??? Really feel in a bind, my brother has been asking for me to visit, they will be back for a visit at Christmas hopefully but I would love to see him before that. My husband is also worried that I'll want to go every year if I go this year.....but in a way what harm?? Do you think it's selfish or unreasonable? I'm genuinely looking for honest feedback as I can't see the harm myself but maybe I'm missing something, if I went out for a week and boys had a little holiday at their grandparents. Yes I know it's a bit rough for DH to be on his own for the week but isn't that what you do for your loved ones?

Thanks for any advice !!

OP posts:

HeartShapedBox · 29/06/2014 12:05

do you have sons or daughters?

Original poster

ShabbyChic999 · 29/06/2014 12:09

Daughters....friend here talking about her boys distracted me !

Any thoughts on my predicament?

OP posts:

JodieGarberJacob · 29/06/2014 12:13

He's the selfish one! Doesn't like minding his own children for a week? Whatever next? Remember that if he ever wants to go on a boys' week away!

WeirdCatLady · 29/06/2014 12:15

I can see both sides so I think it is hard to decide.
Can you afford the flight cost easily? I think YWBU if it's going to impact on family funds. However, this is a very special event so YANBU to want to go.
I think for a one -off or rare visit I wouldn't have a problem but if you ended up going on your own every year I'd be a bit pissed off.
I think you and DH need to sit down and do a list of pros and cons and then try to make a reasonable decision.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/06/2014 12:17

It's really not a bit rough for DH to be on his own for a week, FFS. Plenty of people have to manage with their partners being away for months and months.

If you can afford a week away and your children will be well cared for, then I really can't see a problem.

Original poster

ShabbyChic999 · 29/06/2014 12:19

Thanks everyone - yes we can afford it easily, we have no mortgage on our house and DH earns a very decent salary. It would be pretty much only the cost of the flight as I would stay with my brother and we probably would just go out for the odd lunch but that eat in otherwise.

If he lived closer to home it probably wouldn't seem like such a big deal to go spend time with a sibling and new baby for a week.

OP posts:

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/06/2014 12:19

Speaking as someone who is just back from a child and partner free week in London... I think he is being VU (as long as the flight is affordable in terms of the family budget of course). You aren't even giving him any extra 'work' if your parents will mind the children.

Does he usually call the shots in your relationship?

Nospringflower · 29/06/2014 12:22

I think he's being really selfish and unreasonable. I would definitely want to go and see new nephew and it sounds like it would work well. Great to have a relative who can get cheap flights - you need to make the most of it!!

HeartShapedBox · 29/06/2014 12:22

I think he's being a bit selfish then.

if you can afford it, and he's not even expected to look after his own children, then what's he got to complain about?

NickiFury · 29/06/2014 12:26

He's being a selfish twat. I would just go and that's that. There's no good reason for him to be against it.

Oriunda · 29/06/2014 12:40

I agree that your DH is being very selfish especially as there are no money worries. Even if you did end up going once a year, what's the problem? We spend £000s a year flying to and from Italy to see DH's family but that's what you do when you have family abroad.

evertonmint · 29/06/2014 13:16

YANBU. Family holidays are really important to me and DH. We don't ever use precious holiday time for boys/girls weeks away as we want to spend it together with our DCs. Yet last year DH suggested he take a week off to look after the DCs while I went to spend a week with my best friend who had moved to the other side of the world. It was a one-off, special trip and we could afford the flights. DH actually had a memorable week looking after our DCs too. This is what spouses do for each other, and I see no reason why your DH should be grouchy about this particularly as he's not even being asked to care for the DCs!

diddl · 29/06/2014 13:32

I'd expect him to take holiday & look after his own kids tbh.

TidyDancer · 29/06/2014 14:16

I can see both sides as well. Visiting family or not, it's still a holiday that your DH won't get.

Can you facilitate a similar break for your DH?

Original poster

ShabbyChic999 · 29/06/2014 14:28

Thanks everyone, TidyDancer, yes I told him I'd be really happy to do the same for him if he wanted to shoot off somewhere. The problem is that he's not that social a person, he went to a stag last year for a couple of nights in Spain but really apart from that he doesn't visit people abroad or anything like that. He is massively into cycling and I did offer that he could head off to watch the Tour de France also last year, he was trying to arrange it with a friend but it didn't work out.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/06/2014 14:33

I buggered off for almost three weeks recently in holiday and I'm doing a couple more short breaks soon for work. I know how hard DH finds it but he sucks it up and gets on with it (he also gets time away). In this case, though, your DH is even better off. He can choose to have his girls, not have them, come with, go as a family and he is just saying no to every option. Selfish is the word.

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