no birthday present

[mrbananabeak]

A close family member text me to say sorry no present for our son. They have no money apparently but they are going on a very expensive holiday soon and regularly appear on Facebook on big days out, having treated other kids in family!(and always got beer money) We are close and I am a bit shocked tbh

I'm sorry. You just have to be gracious, I don't think there's anything you can do, but its not the best.

How close ?

Buy your own presents for your own child and don't bother with others

That's what I do unless I see something random someone will like and then they will get a surprise present .

Forget about it

good advice x

Why should they buy a present for your son if they are short? I can't see any issue. They have told you why not, although they were under no obligation in the first place. it is a birthday present we are talking about here. Something you give if you have the money, if you come across something worth giving, and IF YOU WANT TO!

not under duress, EVER.

I hope you are not teaching your son he has any right to expect and demand birthday presents.

They may have found themselves short unexpectedly? Forgot to get something for him, and then by the time they realized his bd was upon them, they couldn't afford anything? Maybe they buy everything on credit? Holidays and practically everything can all go on a card.

I hope your attitude to expect gifts hasn't filtered down to your son. Yabu. Gift giving is not obligatory.

I would be upset too, my sister is always late or forgets entirely about my girls birthdays but texts me what her children would like for their birthday. Every year it annoys me and as much as I should just move on and forget about it I can't. My husband said I should not buy presents for my sister's children but I can't do that, I'd feel awful. I think if money is tight they could have bought a couple of crafty things from the pound shop or taken him out to the park for the afternoon.

It's more weird that they would contact you to tell you this. If I couldn't afford a present I would just have sent a birthday card and left it at that, or if I was invited to the child's party at your house, bought something at the £1 shop.

Texting you to say "Oh, by the way, we're not giving you the thing that had never entered your head anyway" is just strange.

Do they normally give quite extravagant presents (and for a child not your own child/grandchild, I would say anything over £15)?

It's not that she's expecting a gift, It's the lie about not having enough money.

I'd be a bit upset... It seems a bit odd, particularly if you're used to buying presents for each other's children. I definitely wouldn't say anything to them though. There's no point instigating a confrontation!

Do you normally do gifts?

If so I'd be a bit hurt.... but nothing you can do. Carry on as normal. I wouldn't let it cause awkwardness.

How about texting back that it's fine, probably a good idea to stop buying for one another's children anyway .

You could use this to break the cycle of gift giving like Inertia says.