To feel sorry for myself

[Knackeredmum13]

And a little miffed with DH for going out?

We have a baby so going out together is a rare occurrence. DH goes out quite frequently but my social life seems to revolve around daytime activities with babies these days. If I go out at night it has to be pre planned a while in advance. Partly because I need DH to be home from work to look after the baby, and partly because most of my friends also have babies or else don't live close enough for spontaneous meet ups.

DH has been saying how much he has been looking forward to this weekend to spend time with me and DS as it's the first weekend in ages where we haven't had anything on. I mentioned watching a film together tonight after DS had gone to bed and I thought he'd agreed.

All day I have been saying to DH that I really fancy going out tonight, that I wish we had a babysitter etc. We don't have anybody so we both knew it was wishful thinking and that we would have to settle for a bottle of wine on the sofa. However, DH's friend then texted him and asked if he fancied going for a pint tonight and DH has gone.

So here I am sat in by myself for the 3rd night this week. I feel a bit miffed at DH because he knew I fancied going out but can't and he has just been able to toddle off at the drop off a hat. It feels a bit insensitive. Plus I'm a bit hurt that he jumped at the chance to go out the moment his mate text him. I could have asked him not to go but what was the point? He obviously preferred the idea of seeing his mate than spending the evening with me.

So AIBU? Prepared to be told I am but I must admit that after being on my own with a baby all day during the week I do really look forward to evenings and weekends when DH is around. So another evening on my own this week does make me feel a bit lonely.

I agree with groglebox.
Don't use a babysitter if you don't want to, be if for whatever reason, I don't think you've said; but don't then blame your dh for your never going out.
I would plan lots of nights out with friends, then inform dh, as he does with you.
I would plan nights out with dh and organise a sitter to do so.
Your dh hasn't stopped his social life now there's a baby on the scene, and I would agree with him, there's no need to.

That said, what he did tonight was a bit out of order.

I wasn't complaining that I never go out. It was that I felt like going out spontaneously yesterday, but I couldn't because we didn't have a babysitter,and it felt like a bit like DH was saying "no you can't go out spontaneously but I sure as hell can so see ya!".

The whole point was that if I want to go out it has to be prearranged. So suggestions that I get a babysitter aren't helpful. That needs to be prearranged doesn't it.

But then the problem isn't what your dh is doing, but rather your friends iyswim?
That none of your friends call you up and ask you to go out that evening?
But you could call them?

But the reason you couldn't go OP is because you wanted to go out with dh which would take planning, or did I miss something? If you wanted to go with friends it could be spontaneous if you were both sitting watching a film as you were last night?

I live in very rural Suffolk and regularly babysit through an agency so there are plenty of people not in be London using babysitting agencies. I personally couldn't afford it but then dh and I are happy to have a special night in together with a nice dinner after the kids are in bed and a DVD.

Friends either don't live locally or have their own small children so can't just drop everything on the spur of the moment. DH's friend was free as his wife is away .

Are all your local friends single?

What would he do if you did the same to him, just jumped up off the sofa tomorrow evening and popped out to the pub?

YANBU, but it is within your power to do the same.

Tomorrow night, look up what is on at the cinema, then just announce you are off and GO!

Not everybody can afford babysitters grocklebox.

It sounds like the real problem is that you simply don't have the kind of friendship circle that allows for spontaneous nights out. That is annoying and frustrating if your husband does, but not something he can do much about. Could you try and foster some more local, child-free friendships? Or join a local group? Or even attend a MN meet in your area?

I would do what cerealqueen suggests.

Maybe then he will realise how it feels and that he is out of order.

Hopefully this will then spark a serious cnversation about a way forward where you have equal opportunities to have a social life.