To ask mothers of grown-up children, are you closer to daughters than sons?

[Mummyteachmummy]

We have a DD and, as pondering the prospect of a second, we've started thinking about gender and how it affects (on average - I know everyone's an individual etc) child/parental relationships. Somebody recently said something to me about girls being yours forever, boys only until they get married, at which point they're absorbed into the other family (or something MUCH catchier than that!)

Just wondering what others' experiences are?

I have one of each and 3 step dc (1dd and 2ds).
My dd lives nearby and I do some childcare and see them several times a week. We are very close.
My ds lives abroad but we are very loving and I get on very well wih his dw and my dgd.
I am close to both dss and their families but estranged from dsd.
As children I was probably closer to ds. Dd was quite difficult at times whereas ds wasn't. The big change came when dd came out of a long term relationship and lived at home for a while. Once she had her own dc she and I became as close as a grown up dd and her mum could be.
Ds was wonderful till he went to university when he went through a smoking, drinking, lazy, surly phase but that changed when he moved abroad, achieved great things in his career, married and became a father..
I would say I am a little closer to dd because of physical proximity but I love them both so dearly.

I have four DB's. Without exception as they got married they were just absorbed into their wives families. I went from seeing them often to now only seeing them at Christmas and sometimes for kids birthdays. And I'm the one (only girl) who is expected to stay close and help out.

Oh, and obviously it's the same for my parents. They see me (DD) all the time, my DB's rarely.

My MIL has three boys and is close to them all. Infact her middle son phones her every night without fail. FIL was ill recently and it was so nice to see how they all rallied round to support her. She also gets on really well with her DILs and if anything I think she would say she has 'gained' daughters rather than 'lost' sons.

Hmm.. Hard to call. I'm not sure who's closer to my mom between me and DB. We both get along with her pretty well, but we're also polar opposite personalities so we have a different relationship with her and enjoy spending time differently.

She also gets on really well with her DILs and if anything I think she would say she has 'gained' daughters rather than 'lost' sons.

As it should be when your child gets married. :)

I personally think there is some truth in it, mainly because you have different experiences with each gender.

For example the many women might have their mum around when they give birth and are caring for a new baby, whereas they are a lot less likely to ask their MIL to be in the room. Also I think from threads on mn you can see how MILs advice is often taken as malicious where as the own mother's advice is seen as helpful. So yes when you have grandchild and it's your sons child you are probably a little bit more on the outside than if it was your daughter having a child. Obviously you have mother daughter relationships which aren't close but if you are looking from the perspective of being close to both genders already but what are the differences, then I would say there are some. Mother of the bride is quite different too, as is perhaps doing childcare or seeking advice.

Also I think women/daughters tend to end up doing a lot of the care that is now so common with an ageing population that lives longer and longer. Be it for their own parents or their ILs, women seem to be the ones rushing round doing shopping/cleaning/cooking and care.

I have encountered many women who resent their DH/DPs spending time with their family. The phrase is always "he has his own family now", but although I've met men who might find their ILS irritating, I can only think of one who discourages their partner from spending time with them.

Not got grown up children, but thinking about my DM and DMIL, both my brother and I are very close to our mum. We ring her everyday, my brother sometimes a couple of times a day! We very much value her advice and miss her like mad when she and dad go away on their annual 4 week holiday . My DH on the other hand very much loves his mum, but has to be given a kick up the arse to ring her, I do most of the contacting TBH. My DSIL regularly ring their mum and visit.
So really I suppose I'm trying to say it doesn't matter about your gender, simply the type of relationship you have

I'm not at all close to my mum but we have a great relationship with DH's mum, he speaks to her on the phone a couple of times a week.

I'm an only (adopted) child and my Mum is overly possessive and smothering of me. It is partly why I moved 2 hours away. Our relationship is good but she does need frequent reminders to stay within the firm boundaries I've stipulated.

Oh is eldest of 3 and the only boy. I'd say his mum is possibly a little closer to his sisters especially the middle one as she is a bit of a trophy child :) (great career bought a house etc) but his family really aren't the type to live in each others pockets. We're close but it isn't overdone I'd say overall everyone's relationships are equal