To be so angry at teacher or is this PND gone nuts???? Please help! (Bit long)

[Hyperhelpmum]

History: . Earlier in year dc told me a child in his class is nasty to him (petty stuff eg you can't play with us, you aren't cool, I don't like you and also just totally blanking him) A small group seems involved. Awkward part: ring leader is teachers child. DC behaviour changed, crying about going in, angry, upset, quiet. More reports this child said things like ' your mummy doesn't look after you properly etc' Had meeting with staff and they agreed he had been crying in school saying he wanted to go home ( why the f didn't they tell me this??) but felt it was not as bad as he said and he was basically trying to get out of coming in. ( this is a child who has happily been in childcare since 12 months) All Seemed a bit better. This week sht hit fan again when another member of group had a few round to his house to play ( his mum also works at school) this is fine in itself but they taunted DC saying they were all going he couldn't as they didn't like him. Unacceptable I think. Met with staff. Told them about this. They admitted to hearing it ( but hadn't bothered to tell me) offered NO solution at all saying DC playing me up again and teacher said if she thought her don was being mean she would be extra tough on him. Also that new boys starting next yr so DC could make friends with them. No suggestion of dealing with current issue at all. Half an hr later was on Facebook and the mum who has the play date updated her status with 'flabbergasted.THAT IS ALL' It was removed 15 mins later. I feel sure sons teacher told this other parent about my conversation and comment was directed at me. I'm livid teacher told other parent/ staff member of my confidential meeting. Awkward beyond belief. Am I paranoid or what???? I feel ganged up on by them as they both work there and now I look like the sit stirrer ?? it's making me sick with worry. I'm suffering from bad post natal anxiety and have not eaten I feel so stressed they all hate me now . Please tell me to man up. I feel I can't cope with this on top of how I feel ( having CBT and on medication) .

But people who work in pre-schools are not teachers. They are . . . erm . . . people who work in pre-schools.

3 year olds have quite underdeveloped social skills. They need a "now now, lets be nice please" from the pre-school staff, not written complaints made about them.

But people who work in pre-schools are not teachers. They are . . . erm . . . people who work in pre-schools

Erm... my school has an Early-Years teacher running the pre-school, aided by qualified nursery nurses.

I know they don't all have teachers, but some do, and staff should have professional qualifications.

The children are 3 I've got two pre-school age DC myself and I know they can be a handful but the school should have been able to sort it out the very first time a member of staff heard this silliness and not let it escalate like this. The school sounds cliquey and incompetent and I would move him like a shot.

You are paying for this. Bloody don't!

Also OP. PND is awful and things like this made me feel totally overwhelmed and unsure of myself. It sounds like you are doing the right thing but he's a wee little lad, he should be having fun and loving nursery, not being torn to shreds every day. I'd really seriously consider moving him so he has a fresh start in September. He'll bounce back :)

Just want to encourage you really. Have also had pnd with severe anxiety. THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Doesn't feel like it ever will though. I'm recovered now. You will be too :-)

Re this situation, I would make things as easy as possible for yourself at the moment. Yes, deal with the issue of bullying by going to the head. Don't waste any energy on these pathetic women. They aren't worthy of your time and attention. Choose to ignore.

:-)

Yes, and I agree a fresh start might be a good idea

But what about moving DC away from much loved older sibling? That is really the only thing stopping me moving DC TBH. They are so close. Then again staff have told me younger DC gravitates to older DC at break..... Ummm yeah, all the kids on the class are bring vile, obvs you would seek out a friendly face!!!! Why aren't they supporting the friendships in DC's group???? Crappety crap. socksandsandals thank you. I am feeling so overwhelmed and cannot stop thinking/ worrying/ ruminating over it. It just goes round and round til I feel like I'm mad. Grim ??

As a completely objective opinion I think it's more important for him to be in a safe space where he can socialize with his classmates.

Yanbu AT ALL. The teacher is very unprofessional and has you between a rock and a hard place. I would second that you see the headteacher and refuse to go through the teacher at all. I am a teacher myself and we have had several teachers with their own children in our school. They have always been very sensible and professional about it but I can see how this could cause big problems.

The HT is unlikely to want to risk losing two sets of fees so should act and act fast. I hope the meeting goes well.

I agree that you need to put it in writing too, you need to let them know that you are taking this seriously and expect them to as well. I would ask that they tell you, in writing, what steps are being taken to ensure this behaviour stops.

I know it all sounds a bit much, given their age, but they need to deal with these kind of issues promptly and take it seriously or they can snowball. While I don't actually see why you should remove your son thus resolving the problem for them, I probably would for his sake.

YY to the Head not wanting to lose your fees. Their priority should be the wellbeing of your children but she still wants your money.

If you have 2 at the school and you're paying then surely it's easy sorted?

Be like robot, see the head and hammer the point home or you're taking both your kids put of the school as well as a formal complaint somewhere

You won't be moving him away from his older sibling; they can hardly spend any meaningful amount of time together if one's at school and the other's in pre school, can they?
I would personally rethink the school for your older one too, if that sort of reaction to problems is part of it's culture.

First, complain to Head. No joy, complain to Governors (the exact process will be in the school's complaints policy.

This would not be ok even if you didn't have PND. As you do, well done for being as composed as you have been.

If no joy from the HT Feng then why should the OP be spending her hard earned cash at a school that allows her DS to be treated so shabbily? I wouldn't be contacting the governors, I'd be giving notice.

Slight issue in that we get more than half off fees as husband works at sister school. I really feel they see parents like me as inconsequential but I agree to writing to Head and have sent an email to HT secretary laying it all out. As PP said I am so between a rock and hard place as face real animosity from these two teachers in future if they get a bollocking. I have a meeting with HT thurs and plan to make it clear that all I want is a plan of action to stop this behaviour towards my son and the behaviour of staff is secondary and not important (although of course it is!!!) I can't kick up a massive stink as what will it be like in future with these two. Bit cowardly I know! If it gets too bad I will definitely think of moving DC to local state school. Older DC would miss him ( they share break times, assembly, plays etc) but he is doing SO well there in small classes ( he has some additional needs) God I hate school. Why is it so bloody stressful? It's like being back at scho myself with all the playground crap.