thoughtless mil

[Roobix04]

Might be a bit long. My dp doesn't speak to his dad's side of the family due to lack of any interest on his dad's part and then the rest of the family falling out with dp when his disabilities got so bad he could no longer visit them (I know separate issue). So because of this his mum's side is all he has.
His dsis and db still live with mil. They're 21 and 28 my dp is 30 and hasn't lived with them for 10 years. However we do live close and try and see them at least twice a month and once a year my dp goes to download festival with them. Lately though they seem to be totally uninterested in us. We don't feel very welcome since I got pregnant last June and they now have to smoke outside and they've never really come to ours. Mil is very interested in our dd but still only if we go to theirs. The latest thing and what is really pissing me off is that next month is mil 50th birthday and dp's 30th. Mil has decided she wants to go to Cornwall with her other 2 kids but not my dp. He hasn't said anything but I know he's hurt and we've not seen them since we found out. I know it's her birthday so she can choose what to do but leaving one child out seems crap. We've also just seen on Facebook that they've all gone to a steakhouse that they know dp has been dieing to go to and didn't bother inviting us. AIBU to want to stop bothering with visiting and taking her precious gd to her and just write them off. I feel bad that my dp has such crap family especially as mine are so helpful and have welcomed dp with open arms.

do you have to go as a family package? Would you consider your DH going on the birthday thing / steakhouse on his own?

Is it because they all live in the same house? It is just often happens those who see each other so often say stuff like " what's for tea tonight...Dunno..what about going out to that new place down the road? " You know - an impromptu evening out. Could be seen as thoughtless by you but they don't mean any offence.

Maybe because he has his own little family now they are giving you space and think he'd not want to go to Cornwall without you - would they invite you all or just him?

I would not write them off ( now) I think they may be just letting you be a family. Maybe his mother has a lot on with the other 2 siblings at home and is busy. They may be crap but it's his decision if to write them off out of his life.

YAB a bit U , the other 2 she lives with so its much more likely that she will eat out with them and arrange to do things with them ,they are still a family unit . Do you invite them everytime you ,DP and dd go somewhere?

I would be totally ok if he went to Cornwall without me. They go to download every year without me although none of them went this year cos they had no money. My dp is going to sonisphere with my dsis next week.
I would understand about them just having an impromptu house night out if they weren't all totally skint all the time. Nights like this in this family always have to be planned and budgeted for. And it's not like her other kids are really kids. They're both adults. She just never invites us over to her house ever really even before I got pregnant. When me and dp make the effort to see them we all have a great time and usually go out for birthdays together. Infant we've done all birthdays as a family since I met them six years ago and even before that. It really just seems like she forgets she had another child at all.

And most of the time yes we do invite them. We invited them out last week and they said no

I totally sympathise with you op, my MIL is almost the same as yours, she seems to forget she has an eldest son, and her granddaughter is only there when she wants something.
Its hard to be in our position, because we know how much it upsets dh. I do the upmost to offer and provide opportunities for them to see dd, and it is up to them then. Noone can ever say we dont bother! I suppose I am just waiting for my dh to see the light, he is very close to it, but I cannot force him, I just support him, and do what he wants.
Its hard to see the one you love be pushed aside for others.

That's why I'm annoyed. Dp seems quite upset about it and he's usually pretty easy going. She even once suggested in the middle of an arguement that his brother and sister was none of his concern because he has his own family now meaning our dd. She said 'my family doesn't concern you'

Oh lord, I wish it were easy to just shut them out, but it is so difficult. I hope that he finds a way through, my dh when upset says that he only has me and dd because his family dont care. Its heartbreaking.
id like to give you advice and say it gets better op, but who knows with mils like this

I just think I'll stop trying to make plans. If she wants to see us she can make the effort. She tries a little more now since dd was born but it's pretty obvious she's only bothered about dd and only at her house. We go swimming once a week with dd and she said it was a shame she works on the day we go cos she'd love to come. We changed the day for her and cue loads of other excuses. My family have been with us nearly every time. Even my older sis has been and she lives 150 miles away and is allergic to the chemicals they clean pools with so had to sit out of the pool