To dh to have a word with fil because he is a cheeky arse?

[jimijack]

Dh takes ds away to events every few weekends. They take the caravan.
Fil invited himself along and goes with them each time.

I had time off work so managed to go with them a couple of weekends ago.

Fil turned up with a blow up mattress, a sleeping bag, 2 cans of diet coke and 3 cans of cider...for himself. That was it, for the whole weekend.

We ended up supplying him with every meal while he supped his cans, then when they ran out, he tucked into ours.

I hadn't realized that this went on every time they go away and so had bought enough stuff for us, had to really stretch things out.

To be clear, there is history with fil, he is probably the most self centred, selfish arsehole I have ever had the displeasure to meet.

Dh is laid back & just gets on with things, but it's costing quite a lot for food & drink & fil is getting a free weekend away on us regularly.
I want to gently suggest that dh`s asks him to bring some bbq food this weekend.

It's how to do it without upsetting anyone.
Would this annoy you & how would you approach it?

This would annoy me a lot.

Can you go with nothing and all go to a supermarket when you get there - at the till say "ok dad - think its your turn to buy some shopping"

Or on a day out "ok dad - I think you should pay for us to get in. We've paid for enough this weekend"

Meals out etc

Well why doesn't DH just not tell his dad the next time he and DS go away?

Yes it would annoy me and I wouldn't fanny around, I would just say to him "bring your own supplies with you or you will have to go and buy stuff whilst you are there". No need to be gentle about it, sounds like that would just be water off a ducks back.

Thing is betty I'm a gobshite, I don't know gentle persuasion. I would make it very clear if I got involved.
It needs to be lovely kind dh that says something.

I don't go normally, won't be going again any time soon, but the money to pay for it comes out of our joint account.

They spend as much for a weekend that I spend for a week's shopping for the 4 of us. I budget carefully.

Unless there is much worse than this, do people really do the mine and yours thing. It's just food, and that's his father and you come across very petty.

History coffee.

As I say, we budget very carefully. This has been going on for months.

It's the expectation that we will do everything and provide everything.

I wouldn't have the cheek.

FiL is taking taking the piss and freeloading. Your DH needs to grow a backbone and tell him he won't be welcome in future unless he pays his way.

Btw does DH want his father come along every time anyway? I would have thought he would want some time on his own with his ds occasionally.

Gentle suggestions with people like this never get noticed. Be open, honest and clear and then refuse to take him if he won't cough up.

don't take any supplies and when you get there just say you are skint and thought he might have brought something for you all to share or suggest that he takes your son shopping before the event to 'bond' and get things that you all might like but don't send the money for it

Well if your husband usually supplies everything, he either doesn't see it as a problem or daren't say anything!

Tell him to sort it out!

Let your gobshite-ness loose on his sponging arse!