To expect more than this from a friend?

[CeliaFate]

Last year my friend's husband had an affair - brief, but devastating. She offloaded onto me, naturally. I listened, gave advice when asked, was there for her when she needed me.
Tonight I've sent her a message about an issue that's really worrying me. She replied "oh dear, hugs."
I know she may be busy, couldn't reply straightaway etc. but this was an hour ago and she's been active on Facebook since.
AIBU to expect more than that?

Celia - I agree with those who have said that you need to ask for what you need! rather than expecting someone else to read your mind and react exactly as you would react.

It may be that your friend hasn't realised that you want to talk to her, and off load on her the way she did on you - but you are judging her, saying she's not a true friend, or the friendship is over (that is what I am reading into the "...Oh well, you live and learn I guess and find out who your friends are when you need them..." comment).

If you ask her directly for help, and she brushes you off, then she isn't that good a friend. But not being a mind reader doesn't make her a bad friend - just human.

But you shouldn't need to be a mind reader to realise that if a friend says that they're so worried that they can't sleep and they're really miserable, a little more than 'Oh dear. Hugs' is required?
That's really crap OP. YANBU, especially as you have given a lot to this friend. I'd feel really brushed aside with 'Oh dear, hugs'. How would your friend have felt if you'd responded to her problem with a breezy 'Oh dear. Hugs.' You shouldn't have to spell out that you need a little more than this.
And I hope your DS feels better soon. That's really hard to watch

Text messages aren't really the best way to have an in depth discussion.

Sally - my dh is not good at reading social clues, and if I were to say something similar to him (so worried, not sleeping etc etc), I probably would get a similarly vague and unhelpful response. I know that, if I want something specific for him, my request has to be specific. Maybe the OP's friend is like that?

Or maybe she genuinely is a bad friend - someone willing to use the OP for all the support she is willing to offer, but who can't be bothered to offer the same in return. If the OP asks directly, she will know. If she doesn't, she may lose a friendship over a series of misunderstandings.

If I got a text like yours sounds, I would assume that you were just venting and just needed a "there there" type response.

If I want from my friends, or they want from me, to talk we send a text along the lines of "Need to talk, can I phone now, or later?" Works for us.

That is hurtful, I can see why you'd be upset.

Relationships are a two way thing, but if you're like me, they tend to be much more about me giving than taking. When you need help it can feel unfair to have to ask when you've given so much.

Other posters are right, though. If you want, you should ask. If she lets you down when you've been explicit, you know where you stand. I doubt she will let you down though.

Hope your situation with DS is resolved soon