AIBU to be fed up with DP and his lack of direction?

[blueshoesy]

DP just came home and announced that he's fed up and he is going to quit his job. He'll take our daughter out of nursery and look after her to save on nursery fees and I can pay the mortgage and bills with my salary. DH earns a lot more than we pay in nursery fees. I earn a reasonable salary but trying to live on one salary would be a real stretch and DD'S nursery fees will be massively reduced in a year or so. I also have some debts still to pay off that are left over from maternity leave as well as hopefully saving up for another maternity leave (this was a decision that we have talked about and both want). Obviously, if this did happen dd would probably be an only child.

He has also decided that he wants to home school dd because he has experience as a teacher. I can see that some children benefit from home school but think that the aspect is really important. The school's in our area are pretty good so unless dd didn't get into one nearby I would want her to go to school.

DP has been a teacher for most of his working life and ever since we met he's said that he wants to leave the profession. I've always supported him in his decision and have spent time looking into other potential careers and qualifications for him (at his request). However, over three years and one child later he is still a teacher and is still saying that he is unhappy and wants to leave. He has spent time sending off his cv but has had no luck. It must be really disheartening to not be able to find a job in the area he wants. If I thought it would be a case of a temporarily supporting the family while DP found a job, I would be OK with it.

DP says that I'm being unreasonable and that dd would benefit from spending all her time with him and that I'm being selfish. In an ideal world I would want to work part time, so I probably wouldn't be a sahm. This is partly because I think nursery provides a good structured environment and partly because I need some 'adult time' to stay sane.

AIBU? What should I do if he decides he's just going to quit?

Well, obviously he can't just tell you he's quitting to be a SAHD but in this age of relatively equal opportunities it's only fair that he should have this choice open to him just as women do.

You need to discuss things and make sure you are both listening to each other's needs. Right now while he clearly isn't thinking practically about finances I don't think you are listening to his clear wish to change career. Otherwise surely you wouldn't be planning more children when you don't know what his earning capacity will be in a year's time?

I think my issue is that I wouldn't have this opportunity available. When I was on maternity leave DP categorically said that I had to go back to work. His argument is that I enjoy it but he doesn't.

Just to give some more detail - DP is 10 years older than me so the wanting another child in the next year or so is his choice because he doesn't want to be too old. I would be happy to wait for a good few years and I'm not in any rush.

I think you're right though OTheHugeManatee we do need to have more of a discussion but it seems like what we want is starting to go in opposite directions

In that case if he's pressuring you to have more children BUT also wanting to give it all up and live on your wage then he definitely isn't thinking practically

I say tell him concrete career change plan and some action taken or no more children. He can't have it all ways.

Is there a compromise to be had in supply teaching? Job share? Part time? He would end up with a lot less of the politics etc and it would give him the chance to have some more time at home with your daughter without sacrificing his entire wage. That could enable you to have another child with additional support at home for all of you, your daughter has the structure of nursery AND fun time with her dad and hopefully the home schooling thing would take a back burner if he was a bit more generally satisfied!

When you hate your job, it's easy to be enthusiastic about just quitting, but if you can suggest something which would make him feel more positive about it then perhaps his ideas wouldn't be quite so extreme.