To think compulsive over eating is a mental health illness *warning may be sensitive*

[OhFFSWhatsWrongNow]

"All you have to do to lose weight is to eat healthier and exercise more"

Oh really? I had no idea. So all the over eating I have been doing for the last 22 years to comfort me through a very rough childhood can be cured just like that? Wow, thanks, that's very helpful, all my problems are solved then.

No! I'm sorry but this is an extremely ignorant view. Would you say to an anorexic "just eat more food. You'll be fine in no time"? I sincerely hope you wouldn't. So why would you challenge an over eater as to why they don't eat less food?

Don't get me wrong, I understand people must take responsibility for themselves. I'm not denying that. But for people who have had traumatic upbringings or events in their lives and turn to food for comfort, it can feel like they have lost all control over their eating. This is how I feel, and yes, I need help. It's not so easy to ask for it. Being obese is shameful enough without going to someone and admitting it. From the outside looking in, it doesn't seen so bad. But when you're the one asking, it can seem truly daunting, so many people just don't ask for it.

I want to talk about a taboo subject here, and debunk a myth that states all fat people are just lazy slobs who have no self control and just like to eat all day. This is not only judgemental and a disgusting way to think, it's also completely ridiculous. Many larger people have active lives, many of us take part in sports and have normal active lives. Just because we are over weight doesn't mean we lie around all day stuffing our faces. I have 6 children, do you think I have time to sit my arse on my couch all day? And no, my children are not overweight, for those wondering.

The self control issue, however may be correct. Because when you eat until you are so very unhealthy, you have lost control haven't you? If I could just stop over eating I would. Why the hell would I (or anyone) eat so much that they got dangerously overweight on purpose? I don't enjoy it, and don't know many people who do. I'm not saying it's an excuse to be fat, or makes it ok.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that compulsive over eaters have a problem, just like people who starve themselves, or people who have depression(which I also have) and deserve help, sympathy and respect, and not ridicule and being made fun of.

So to all my school bullies, and those "friends" and family members and even judgemental people who think obese people are too lazy to do anything about their weight, trust me, you are just making a mental health problem worse. Unless you have struggled with this problem you will never understand.

[OhFFSWhatsWrongNow]

Thank you tess, not patronising at all, I appreciate that.

I'm currently undergoing a US scan, I have suspected gallstones. And also they want to arrange an endoscopy examination down my throat as having problems with that area. I really do think this is caused by my making myself vomit for all those years and I'm terrified :( I'm so ashamed of it, that's why I wouldn't let the doctor (she was a stand in doctor) put it on my fine. I just couldn't :(

[OhFFSWhatsWrongNow]

chubby not whiney at all, and it is a common fear. We share that fear.

[Mordirig]

ccridersuz
I was starved in my childhood, we were so so poor and I was the eldest by 8 years so I was expected to give up my share of food for siblings.
The only time I ate properly was school dinners and at my grandmothers once a month.
My grandmother used to feed me delicious home cooked traditional meals and used to give me a can of coke as a treat with dinner.
When I was 13 I was placed into foster care and put on a bit of weight to a healthy level, when I got boobs and hips at 14 I suddenly got male attention that I wasn't comfortable with and whilst on holiday I was gang raped and beaten up.
After that I stopped eating for about 6 months and had to be re hospitalised and eventually got better although I would hoard food and leave it to rot in my room, never ate it, just kept it in my room, I have no idea what that's about, but it's more common than I thought.

When I was abruptly removed from care and dumped in a bed sit whilst I studied for my A levels I started to comfort eat.
I had no one, my social worker had a breakdown himself and my case had got lost so I slipped through the net, although my lovely head of year came to the bedsit with a big box of food for me like you give to kids at uni filled with veg and fruit, packs of chicken and pasta.

My bedsit had a microwave and a kettle, nothing else so I gave the meat and perishables to the BB manager in exchange for a weeks meals but when they went on holiday the cook refused to give me the meals.

I lived there for just over a year and I ended up gaining 5 st.
From eating crisps and chocolate that was easy to keep in my room.
No one at school knew what was going on with my 'home life' except some teachers, I got bullied and became reclusive, developed agoraphobia and OCD and extreme anxiety attacks.
I ended up in a MH unit after I took pills with vodka and jumped out of my window 3 floors up.
Since then I have put on and lost 3 st at a time and find it more difficult to lose weight as I get older.
I eat crap, but mostly healthy food but very big portions, seconds or thirds.
I've had therapy, years of it! I've been on anti psychotics because of auditory hallucinations after the birth of my 1st child.
These make it much more difficult to lose weight.
Not Impossible no, but much much harder.
When you have been beaten down and neglected for a large portion of your life you find it difficult to think you can do anything to change how things are.

I hope you can see now how over eating can be as a result of MH problems, not everyone reacts in the same way to life stress but that's no excuse for a lack of empathy.

[dawndonnaagain]

Mordirig

[KittyandTeal]

As a previous sufferer of binge eating disorder YANBU.

I will never have a normal relationship with food. I've swung between anorexia and binge eating most of my life.

However, I'm now a decent size and healthy. It has taken a huge amount of therapy and emotional discomfort but I'm getting there.

If I can do it so can you :)

[ChubbyKitty]

Thanks ohffs. I really worry what people must think, I saw an old friend yesterday that I haven't seen in about 6 months and he asked if I was pregnant.

I'm not. That hurt on two levels really..

[ChubbyKitty]

Oh Mordirig! That sounds awful

[PrincessBabyCat]

Princess It takes more than therapy and it's not a 'habit' but a psychological need. I'm not excusing the average Joe Bloggs who overeats but I'd no sooner appreciate being told to just eat when I had anorexia than I do now.

I'm not going to get hung up on terminology.

The point is, there is logically only one way to get rid of weight and that is to eat healthy food and healthy portions. Just like you have to stop drinking to fix being an alcoholic. It's not an easy road, but it is what has to be done. So if it takes more than therapy, then do whatever that is to get yourself the help you need.

But I agree telling someone to "Just stop doing that" isn't helpful for any addiction. Food addicts have it a bit worse than anyone seeing as how you can't go cold turkey on food. It's like an alcoholic having to learn how to only drink one beer at a party.

[PrincessBabyCat]

Mordirig

[OhFFSWhatsWrongNow]

mord you poor thing that's dreadful.

chubby that is horrible :( can't believe someone asked you that. I know what you mean about worrying about what people think. I even worry about what total strangers think when I'm walking down the street, for some reason I always have a fear that they will shout horrible things to me. Of course it doesn't happen often (though it has in the past)

And I also have autism which makes social interaction hard for me too, to top it off

[Joysmum]

Sind people are overweight because they don't know what's healthy, some have had an extra 200kcals a day for a while and it's compounded.

For me, I have BED, binge eating disorder.

I can be extremely angelic most of the time, trouble is, one binge a week is enough to not only undo all the good but also to still see me dramatically gain weight.

Add into that issues in my past which means there's something that wants me to either be unattractive and blend in, or to punish and not feel I deserve to be 'normal' and that's quite a heady mix.

I have times where I cope well, I can be anything between a size 22 and a size 8. I'm fed up with people telling me that's not healthy, like I didn't realise!

I'd rather keep trying though as the alternative to to always be obese, as much as subconsciously I do want that, in the good times when I'm coping I really don't. I'll keep trying because although I'm not perfect, doing what I can when I can is better than nothing.

[momnipotent]

I recognise myself in many of these posts.

I know about the shame and self-hatred. I have disposed of wrappers out of sight from my husband so he doesn't know how bad things are. I have avoided social situations where I will be the fattest person there. At any gathering I am ultra-aware of what I eat because I don't want anyone to take notice. If I take my (normal weight) kids to McDonald's for a treat I feel ashamed, I feel like I shouldn't eat anything myself while we're there, even though this is our dinner for the day!

In two weeks we are going on a holiday where we will see family that we haven't seen for 12 years. I was slim the last time they saw me. i feel sick with dread at the thought of this holiday so I am coping the only way I know - I am making everything worse by eating everything I can get my hands on.

There is no enjoyment in food for me. It has gone past comfort eating now, because there is no comfort in it. I eat until I feel awful and horrible and sick, and then the next day I do it again. I don't really taste anything I eat and most of it I don't really want. I eat it anyway. Sometimes I go on a diet and lose a fair amount of weight, but diets are unrealistic ways of eating and eventually something comes up where you don't have control, and then I am off the wagon and back to my usual ways again.

For me it is an addiction, and I hate that I am so weak-willed that I can't control it. I have done some amazing things in my life - I have a PhD! I have 4 amazing kids! We have a lovely home in a great area! I should really be able to do something that is as easy as "eat less and move more" but I can't for some reason, it is the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do.

[WorraLiberty]

momnipotent, have you had any kind of counselling/therapy?

[KoalaDownUnder]

for everyone on this thread.

OP, I completely agree with you. Manicinsomniac summed it up perfectly.

I've had eating disorders my entire adult life. The only reason I don't cop flak is because I've always remained slim. Nobody knows what's going on behind the scenes in someone else's life, and a bit of compassion goes a long way.

[KoalaDownUnder]

(Wanted to add: I finally went through an eating disorder program last year that seems to have helped enormously, but I still relapse occasionally.)

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I completely disagree with the statement 'eat less.,move more'

I actually eat more now I'm eating a nutritionally balanced diet than I did when I ate crap and I've lost a lot of weight.

You need to get in the right frame of mind to eat healthily, that's the hard bit not the actual eating ime.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

And asking someone why they don't have control over what they eat is like asking a drug addict to just stop taking drugs. Ffs

[unrealhousewife]

Mordirig
People do change with the right support. Have you thought of starting a thread here? I'm sure you will get a lot of support.

[Greyhound]

I totally agree. Addiction is addiction.

Having said that, as someone who has had a serious mental illness for all my adult life, I really do urge you to seek help. You can't cure yourself, believe me.

You don't need me, or anyone, to tell you of the risks chronic overeating can do to your health. I've had to make many changes in my life and it hasn't been easy. With help, however, I have done it and you can too.

[happygirl87]

for OP and the other suffers on this thread.

I see a lot of myself in what people have posted- I am an educated intelligent woman, very disciplined in my professional life and no control in respect of my weight. Gained 3 stone with bouts of depression and it just seems a spiral. Its such an emotional issue- food as nourishment /fuel is so far beyond me.

In response to some of the comments, I just want to say that I think lots of people have coping mechanisms in life- we've mentioned drink and drugs, some people self harm, some people wash their hands obsessively or flick lights on and off, some refuse to eat - and some over eat. I think that although there is a big stigma around mental health, anorexia self harming and OCD garner more sympathy from the public and press than over eating- it's the final taboo.

[nicoleshitsinger]

I'm reading this thread and all the responses and thinking - yes, over-eating is an emotional issue.

But levels of overweight and obesity have SOARED in the past 2 decades.

If obesity is primary a symptom of emotional distress why has it become so common in such a short space of time?

[nicoleshitsinger]

Would add, how did people manage their emotions in the days when obesity was rare?

I suspect many, many women had horrible emotional lives and trauma in the 1950's. Illegal abortion, domestic abuse, terrible family lives as a result of divorce and separation being much harder than they are today... And yet most people were slim compared to today.

Emotional distress is a common feature of normal human life. In all countries and at points in history. But it's only now that it is resulting in very high levels of overweight. Ergo - There is something about our food environment/culture now that is harming us... And we need to address it.

[WorraLiberty]

Not every obese person has emotional distress though nicole

There are many other reasons for obesity, like eating too much/eating rubbish/taking too little exercise.

For those people, 'eat less - move more' is sound advice

For anyone with a mental health issue, it's not.

[Sleepwhenidie]

Nicole I think that comes down, once again, to the difference between over-eating and compulsive eating. I don't think anyone is saying that obesity is primarily a symptom of emotional distress, but that it often is.

Both types of eaters though, are typically consuming crap - whether due to the abundance, cheapness and sugar content of processed food and/or lack of awareness or willingness (or in the case of compulsions, ability), to make better choices. This stuff is addictive and compounds the weight problems for both.

[Whocares156]

nicoleshitsinger yes I thought this too. Obesity just keeps rising and rising, more to it than a mental health issue surely?