I am expecting baby no 2 in a few weeks. As my folks live nearby (30mins) we had agreed with them that they would come to our house to take care of our son during our hospital visit. They see our son every week and he is very fond of them so seemed like a great plan all round. They have looked after him in the past and tend to do so together as my mum has some medical issues which make lifting an almost 2year old not ideal (she can if no one else avail but prefers not to).
However......
Our family has been struggling with a sad situation with my older sister since sept last year. At this time She moved back in with my parents together with her 5month old child after her marriage broke down. We have all been supporting her through this hard time when she has had to find a job and try and put her life back together.
She has now found a job in another country in Europe with a start date just after my due date.
In the past week my folks have come back to me saying my dad needs to travel with her to help out and stay a couple of days. Hence my mum will be on her own to look after DS if needed. The problem is when I asked my mum if she really thinks she can manage if timing coincides with my dad being away she keeps saying things like 'oh he won't need picked up much' and that my DH will be back to help her anyway as my labour won't be as long this time. Basically she doesn't seem to accept that we are relying on her and that she might have to cope alone for >24hrs.
Of course I hope timing doesnt coincide with my dad being away but feel we have to consider it might. Last time round I had a difficult delivery (forceps) and had to stay in hospital for a week as my son had jaundice. My husband was absolutely vital to keeping things going.
We also know we can't both stay at the hospital all the time w new baby but I am scared my mum will either flake out or pester my husband to come home when I need him.
I also tbh feel really let down by the way my folks have sprung this on us at last minute (initially they were saying don't worry we will put you first and your sister can manage). My mum can be a bit mean when in tense discussions and has even been saying things like 'when you were born I had to manage without your dad'. The other side of this is my other sister has 3kids and every one of those was covered by my folks with 3week visits to where she lives (also overseas) so I feel like helping me out would be normal. Practically I'm now looking at emergency nanny cover as a backup in tandem with my mum. This will probably annoy my mum no end as she thinks I'm over reacting by worrying about it anyway (her half hearted commitment is meant to be seen as enough....).
My husband is a very calm and lovely man and will do his best to help out but he is fed up that suddenly my folks aren't so solid with their support. Together we have agreed for our peace of mind we need some back up plan but that doesn't stop me feeling very sad and let down by my parents.