WIBU to ask exH for payment towards costs of specific items rather than 'regular' child support payments?

[extremepie]

I don't want to seem grabby but I was just wondering if IWBU to ask my exH for money towards the costs of specific items for the kids rather than smaller, more regular payments?

Since ex and I spilt I have had virtually no financial support from him - he moved to the other end of the country and has only been working occasionally and sporadically so other than a £40 payment towards christmas/birthday presents and £30 to take them out in the easter holidays I have had nothing from him.

He is mostly reliant on JSA for his income at the moment so I feel like going through CSA type agencies would be pointless at this stage as £5 a month or whatever it is is really not going to help much towards the the costs of their food, clothes etc. It may be more helpful however to ask him for larger, less regular payments for a specific thing, in my head I think he's more likely to give me some help with money if he's knows exactly what it's for!

For example, Ds needs a new mattress and I'm struggling to afford one on my own, should I ask him to pay for half? Or just contribute something towards it? Or is this is stupid idea :/

It's better than nothing. However, IME and I work with a lot of single parents, a small regular payment becomes a habit. Paying here and there for articles never does. What that means it that you get less as they get older, if he has more children, if he moves further away or has a relationship. Small but regular is better if you can agree it.

I'd go with small, regular payments, as mrsterry said, it becomes a habit, one that should increase in value if he finds a job.

Ok fair enough, I was just thinking since the only times I've ever received money from him has been for a specific 'thing' he might be more inclined to help out! Mind you, there have been a fair few times I've asked and he's said no anyway, ah well!

Small regular payments would be best.

I would hate having to 'beg' for money for things and I wouldn't want payments to become some kind of weapon against me..."be nice and I will" etc

But your better placed to judge the likely hood of that type of thing.

You're asking him to provide for his children - not asking him a favour. It doesn't matter whether he agrees with what you spend it on, he doesn't need to 'feel inclined' when he is legally liable anyway.

Unfortunately the fact that he's legally obligated to provide for them doesn't seem to have been much of an incentive so far :(

I mean, I appreciate that he doesn't have a lot of money on JSA but still, I don't ask much of him, I do everything for them since he is so far away so I think a small amount of money is not much to expect!

There are legal routes to force him, use them. You can't make him care, but you can make him pay. Shit, but you can't let him just wash his hands of his DCs.

Have seen a couple of your other threads recently, I know you've been having a bad time, so you might just accept his occasional 'gifts' towards his DCs rather than 'maintenance' to avoid another thing to deal with, but this is one of those battles worth having. Save up whatever little amount it is each month (having it paid in a separate account might be best) then you have that for the big things anyway.