To insist he only sees his son supervised

[Fairy13]

Have posted in chat too but no responses so moving here for traffic!
DH was violent and abusive.
We split in dec and I have allowed every other weekend with DS (age 1) since.

He wouldn't be abusive to DS, however he would have no issues with shouting and screaming in his presence.

The house is filthy dirty and when I picked DS up this sunday he had very severe nappy rash (whole cheek of bottom was red raw and bleeding). He also threatened to turn up to my house and take him.

It is DS's birthday today and I agreed reluctantly to let DH see him, in the presence of his parents, in a public place (to minimise risk of arguments) for three hours.

He is now an hour and a half late home. I have phoned his mum who said that DH was 'under the impression that I had agreed to 12 - 6'. - I had sent a text and confirmed 12 - 3.
they are now bringing him back.

I do not trust him with my son. I have been stupid until now in allowing it and I think it is time for supervised contact.

how does it work? Can I insist on it? who arranges it? Am I even within my rights to push for it?

AIBU (and can I even do it) to push for this?

Anyone he has come to no har yet.

a house that dirty is a child protection concern. It is neglect. it is seriously filthy.

He has form for being emotionally abusive to his daughter, and once physically pushed her out of the house.

He has regularly been abusive to me both whilst together and since apart in front of DS. Likewise with his parents. He will kick off with anyone, over tiny miniscule issues. He will not care if DS is there. He strangled me in front of DS.

how is that not harmful? that is child abuse.

I have been really really stupid until now and I feel sick with myself.

Fairy, you have done nothing wrong and have tried to facilitate a relationship between your child and his farther. Now you are feeling worried that that relationship may be damaging to your child, so you need to take steps to get that checked out.

Anyone, you are such a smartypants. The solicitor is for her to ask for legal advice and possibly start proceedings to have access removed. The court would then appoint someone (social worker I would think but may be wrong) to assess the case. Sorry not to spell it out clearly for you but no need to be pendatic.

Yes legal advice.... But what do you mean by a process to have access removed?? The court would appoint someone??

Has this been to court? Is the access court ordered? Have cafcass done a report? Section 7? droflove ?

If you read the thread Anyone OP has not even been to a solicitor yet.
Surely that would be her first step.
No-one is expecting the solicitor to check things out but if it did go to court for defined or supervised access wouldn't CAFCASS be involved to do an assessment.
If OP has genuine concerns about her child's welfare I think just stopping her own contact with ex and sending child anyway would be pretty irresponsible.
Your posts sound deliberately obtuse rather than helpful

Please get legal advice as soon as possible.

Are all the arrangements between the two of you informal? Is he paying anything towards your DC?

How would anyone, having read what the OP has written, be happy about handing their one year-old baby over to such a man twice a month?

Deserves a relationship with his father?
Does he buggery!
He deserves to be cared for properly and loved.

I will never, ever understand the thinking that abusive parents deserve contact with their children.

Please please do not take advice from this thread.

It will rapidly fill up with wankers who have little to no understanding of anything of value to your situation who bang the "it does not matter if he's a really shit dad he's still a dad"

What you are talking about IS chid abuse,if you stayed with this man and he carried on behaving in that way in your house YOU would have issues with children's services,YOU would be failing to protect and HE would be considered a risk to the child.

Have a chat to the children's legal center

www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=contact_us

and talk it through with the nspcc

Well said NannyOgg

-and NeedsAsockamnesty.

OP follow their advice asap. Do not listen to the people who are telling you to hand over your baby to this man.

Fwiw, I've known loads and loads of parents in much the same circumstances as you (I run a DV support service) the vast majority of them did obtain supervised contact requirements in court for at least 6 months many of them for much longer

I remember your threads. Children have the right to not have to have a relationship with an abusive parent.

Thanks all.

I contacted NSPCC yesterday and they have made a referral to children's services.
I have also left a message with a solicitor who is going to call me for the free 30 mins.

I was just so upset yesterday. And then he compounded it by telling me he was going for residency on basis of MY unreasonable behaviour and PND - and cited me shouting at DS when he was 2 weeks old - that was because of the horrendous pressure I was under.

thanks for the replies.

Well done Fairy. You've made a positive step forward. It is only a matter of time before the abuse spills over onto your son. Your ex doesn't sound as if he is capable,of engaging in positive relationships.

He will probably accuse you off doing everything he did to you. It's part of the script and people will see through it.

Fairy am I right in thinking you have had training from your RL job in dealing with situations that vulnerable adults find themselves in?Can I suggest using that training and knowledge to help yourself during this difficult time.xxx