To think that if I work compressed hours my day off should be mine to do what I please

[Olga79]

I'm currently working a full time week over 4 days, I love having this extra day off but more often than not the OH will arrange something so that I end up having errands to run on this day. It seems really unreasonable to refuse to do things (it's normally stuff that can only be done on a week day) but on the other hand I'm really starting to resent working extra hours every day to just do even more on my day off.

AIBU to say I'm not doing it anymore?

Well, if you worked 5 days a week, what would he do? How about saying things like "can you arrange to have stuff delivered to your work rather than home so I don't have to wait in for them and we won't have missed deliveries meaning I have to go to depots to pick stuff up?" As you are there it just might not have occurred to him it's a hassle.

Also as he doesn't drive he might not realise that being able to drive to places means it's less hassle to get to tricky locations /run errands, it doesn't make it no hassle.

It could be he's got reliant on you doing these jobs so hasn't thought of other options that means you aren't being put out (which to him is the easiest option).

If he needs to get to his bank regularly and can't at any point it's open, then he needs to move bank accounts to a bank he can get to on a Saturday morning/late night.

You have no dcs, so by working these compressed hours you are sacrificing extra time in bed in the mornings, long lunch breaks, leaving the office early etc, it's not "free" time, you've bought it by giving up other personal time.

Oh and start doing the food shop online, then that can be a job you both share, and if your compressed hours means you come home later /leave for work earlier than him, make sure every second delivery is for a time you are out but he is home....

I think this is unreasonable. I don't expect my husband to fill up my day off (if I had one) with errands to do- I like to please myself in that time and determine how I spend it, similarly I don't ask him to do extra jobs on the weekend as I know he likes to have a rest after a busy week.

The bank thing- do it when convenient to you, it doesn't have to be done on a Fri or pay in and transfer to him. Same for going to post office, get the things delivered to your house- I don't wait in for delivery drivers, they just drop the stuff with a neighbour.

I am happy to help out and offer to do stuff after I've had a rest, but I wouldn't appreciate my one day off being filled up with essentially rubbish tasks that could easily be done in the rest of the week and would have to be if you worked Fridays.

Online shopping is rubbish ime, so 90% of the time it would just mean having to pop to the shops to pick up stuff that wasn't available etc. so might as well do the whole shop myself.

I'm not quite sure why it is selfish to rearrange my working week so I have a day free to do a hobby, I'm not doing less hours they're just spread out slightly differently. If I was genuinely doing a 4 day week I wouldn't mind so much, but I'm missing out on a lot of what was free evening time to make this happen so I'm not quite sure why I should suddenly have more to do just because I'm not at work 1 extra day a week.

Delivery to work isn't an option as he bikes so cannot get stuff home from work. Previously he was able to get a lift home some days so could make arrangements that way but his work has now moved locations and this isn't possible anymore.

Anyway, I've had a nice afternoon in the sunshine and I'm a lot more chilled about the whole thing. To be honest, it's all stemmed from one order that was faulty, meaning returns and redeliveries and it's just been on top of hectic couple of weekends so I don't think it's going to end up being a frequent thing. A little vent always helps.

Then I think he needs to be a bit more careful about ordering things to be delivered when you might have other things on - or pay for saturday delivery and he can sit in!!!

It's not selfish, you are doing the same hours, you've given up free time 4 days a week to have it all on a Friday. It's not any extra leisure hours, just all collected together!

(I think you might want to try a different on-line food shop provider, we order on line and over the last couple of months we've not had anything not delivered or substutited.)

Could you get stuff delivered to your work? Our deliveries for online shopping go to my work because my husband works in a huge office. It sounds as though it's him not asking you and just presuming you'll do it that's the problem.
That sort of thing leads to spouses not telling each other when they have days off so they can have a real day off and not a chore day.

I work compressed hours, I do a 9-day fortnight to get one day off every other week.

But it's not a day off, I'm working longer hours in order to give me some free time at a time when it's most useful. I still work my full hours, I'm not just given that day off. It's not being selfish to work your hours differently, if your boss is happy.

And as we have 2 DCs, it only works because DP does stuff too.

OP some companies can deliver stuff to local shops now, where it's kept until you collect. I'm finding this to be really convenient, especially as my local is open between 7am and 10pm.

Where do you guys work? When I had an office job, I had packages delivered to my work address so they didn't sit out where people could take them (and so I could hide DH's birthday/holiday gifts).

People with disabilities (especially epilepsy) aren't helpless. I assume he had arrangements to get his affairs in order before he met you. You got with him as an equal, not a caretaker, yes? You don't need to run errands for him. But, it is nice of you to save him bus travel time or cab fair, as long as you can say no when you want and it's being appreciated.

YANBU. Just because you have a day off doesn't mean people can dictate how you spend your free schedule. My FIL has tried doing this under the excuse "Well, you're not doing anything today so why can't you do X?". That's kind of the point though, to have a day to do nothing and unwind from the week.

I think you are both allowing the epilepsy to be his get of jail free card on anything he wants doing.

If you werent working compressed hours then you would have to work something else out (such as using paying in machines at the bank out of hours, getting deliveries rearranged for the weekend etc). My son has a habit of doing this and I ended up having a quiet word with his fiancee about it. Because he cant drive due to his disability she ends up doing the "can you just nip to....pop in to....pick up...drop off..." etc when actually he could do it himself if he sorted himself out better. Now he has to do it and funnily enough they both seem happier.

I said to DIL2B that his disability doesnt mean he cant pick up his own dry cleaning! They both work full time, as do you and your OH, he can sort himself out but you need to make it clear that you dont mind doing stuff for him if it fits in with your plans but that you are not going to totally reorganise your day to wait in for an online order of Batman pants to be delivered :o

Oh and btw, depending on what bank you use you can pay in money to your bank account at the post office, which are usually open Saturday mornings. Worth checking out.

Could you give him jobs to do when he gets home on week days?

Ocado.
Get a Hippo Box for deliveries.
Saturday delivery.
Oh, and start doing your hobby again!

Could you give him jobs to do when he gets home on week days?

Well that wouldnt give her back her day off would it? And it seems to be rather infantilising the OH.

What she needs to do is get him to understand that she isnt his PA.

Lol Bogeyface - that reminds me of when my DH was delivered some PJs at nearly midnight one day!