To effectively starve my 7 year old?

[zumby]

Dd has always had a tiny appetite. She is petite, but I amwas too, so I've never been massively concerned.

She's always been fairly fussy, but we've managed her eating fairly well. She would not eat a massive variety but would eat mince, so we could make cottage pie, spah Bol, meatballs etc...

But then she stopped liking mash; so we allowed the mince and booked potatoes. It wasn't any extra work.

But now she's gone off mince, and near, and cheese sauce.

Basically we're downtown chicken and potatoes. Preferably in the guise of chicken nuggets and chips; but also as roast dinner and any variation really.

I've had enough of the food refusal and her lack of eating.

It makes tea times a pain.

So I'm coming down hard.

I cook dinner; you either eat it or go and get bread and butter.

But I know she'll just not eat.

AIBU

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Could you give them dinner earlier, say 4pm and then banana and some cereal as a bedtime snack? Gradually you could push it out. ?

In answer to your question, I don't think yanbu coming down hard. She is 7, not 18 months. This is what is for dinner - eat or go hungry all the way to the broccolli but then I'm old school and have served up reheated dinner for breakfast to siblings though not to my kids as yet.

Does she help with the food prep at all though? Do you get any interest from her in helping to make home made breaded fish or chicken (small steps - the coq au vin can come later), pizza, mini chicken pie or fish cakes are another crowd pleaser with my 4yo. Can she scramble eggs herself with some smoked salmon, a cheesy omelette or fritatta is only a step away then.

If she likes chicken and olives, what about moroccan tagine with rice or new potatoes instead of couscous.

School dinners if they are half decent and on offer every so often might help too as peer pressure is definitely a factor.

Have you tried home made pea soup? I haven't met a child yet that won't eat peas and it's a great way to get green veg into them, as they'd never eat a half packet of peas in one sitting. Take packet of frozen peas, boil for 4 mins (some chopped mint optional) in stock or water but only just a little bit over the level of the peas so it makes a nice thick soup, blitz with hand blender and serve with toast.

You don't say how old DS is but I'm guessing quite young if you are still off to baby groups with him. You could ask for her input with meal planning for the week?

All that said, I grew up in an old school house and had a kid sister who would only eat carrots (and only roasted at that) until she was 18. I can remember her sitting at the table for hours after the rest of us were done. Doubt she ever got a pudding. A summer as an au pair in France in the middle of no-where cured her through sheer hunger. She had a 5 mile walk to buy a chocolate bar and would eat and try everything in sight by the time she got back. She's by far the shortest of my siblings though so I do think it had an impact. But you can only try.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Some kids also don't seem to need to eat in the evenings - my DS1 is 6 but 136cm tall and 32 kg (4 ft 5 maybe and about 4.5 stone). He's a healthy height to weight ratio but very big for his age - he probably only eats more than a mouthful of diner twice a week, and in fact he barely eats anything at all after lunch, until breakfast the next moring. He'll have 2 big bowls of porridge for breakfast at 6.30am, a mid morning snack at Kindergarten of a sandwich and fruit (I know a sandwich isn't a normal snack, but its a Kindergarten convention to have "second breakfast" involvong bread at 9.30am or so) and a cooked lunch at about 1pm...

My DD is the opposite and can't stomach breakfast but eats a good dinner. As both kids are healthy sizes I let them take the lead, and don't insist they follow identical eating patterns (though they are offered the same meals at the same times, they do not have to eat).

[KittiesInsane]

Did I read that right? She's 50th centile (i.e. bang on average) for weight, but 25th for height?

Is that all muscle or is she actually overweight at those measurements?

[CrabbyBlossomBottom]

My DD (11) has always been fussy about not liking many foods. She has a massive appetite for what she does like, however, so it's never been a problem. If I tried to persuade her to eat much of what we eat it would have been constant battles, so I've always cooked separate meals for her - quick and easy because I quickly realised that her refusing/complaining about something I'd slaved over made me really annoyed.

I focus on what she likes and will eat without complaint, and we rely heavily on beans - she eats beans virtually every day: not baked beans but cannellini, butter, haricot, borlotti beans. They're easy, versatile and nutritious. The only veg she truly likes are peas and sweetcorn, though she doesn't mind spinach sometimes and will eat other veg under sufferance.

So typical meals would be...

Cannellini beans with leftover chicken and peas. Dash of cream and black pepper to make a little sauce. Takes less than 5 mins to prepare.

Variations on a theme of that, according to what meat we have left over from the weekend, and with various beans.

Egg fried rice with prawns/chicken, peas and sweetcorn and a dash of soy sauce.

Spaghetti with grated cheese and peas.

Chickpeas with leftover meat, peas and spinach.

Farro (a type of whole wheat, similar to rice) with leftover beef and mushrooms.

You get the idea - fairly bland, unfussy flavours, quick and easy to prepare. Stuff that's in the freezer - always have petit pois, sweetcorn and wild-caught prawns in there and it just defrosts as you cook it. There are battles I'd rather fight with her than food.

[merrymouse]

You aren't starving her - you are offering her food to eat and ensuring that she has the motivation of being hungry at meal times.

If she didn't eat at all for more than a couple of days I might think of a plan B. However, you haven't got that far yet.

[flixybelle]

I could have written this thread my dd7 drives me nuts. I just cook what she likes to be honest its healthy if a little limited and its really not much hassle. My DD4 is a wonderful eater eats anything and everything and they were weaned the same.

I just tweak our meals e.g. I will make a spag bol and put a portion out then add extra ingredients and make a chilli for the rest of us. (She will eat mince and sausages but no other meat) Or I will make a pesto pasta put a portion out and then add cheese and chicken.

I also talk to my dd about what is necessary in a healthy diet and I put a spoonful of something she refuses on her plate and she tries a tiny bit occasionally this results in her liking something and that can be added into her diet (most recently pesto.) I also add vitamin drops to her food (mainly for my own peace of mind)

Will your dd eat tomato based sauces I blend veg into mine and she's never noticed. I also make rice with stock and finely finely diced veg and she will eat that.

[fledermaus]

She sounds like a chunky/stocky child, who eats lots of food and snacks, but doesn't fancy tea. You won't be anywhere near starving her!

[erin99]

If you could get more dinner into her, she might not get so starving first thing.

You started your OP saying she has a tiny appetite. Do you really think this is the case? She must eat plenty as her weight is more than her height. She just seems to need to eat at the wrong times and/or is used to gettinga lot of her calories from sweet snacks. I think I'd try to get her back to mealtimes more and try to make smaller, savoury snacks. Could she have milk first thingthen a later brbreakfast? Is she having school fruit at breaktime as well as the Flapjack? If so, she is eating every couple of hours through the day so I don't think a tiny appetite is the issue with tea.

[TryingToBePractical]

I have a DD who I think of as a fussy eater (and I know it is not down to the way she was weaned becuase she ate a wide variety of food very well when she was little). She has a twin sister who eats extremely well. Actually, when I write down a list of what fussy DD will eat, sounds great written down (some types of meat, fish, veg, fruit etc) but she is actually much fussier than that makes it sound, relating to how foods are combined. For example, she will eat spag bol but not lasagne. She will eat my shepherds pie but will not eat it elsewhere. No sauces at all (apart from pesto and bolognaise) etc. In the case of potatoes she will only eat (very smooth) mash and chips. She wont eat pasta in tomato sauce, although she likes tomatoes, loves pasta generally and will eat spag bol (which I have pointed out is pasta in tomato sauce with mince). She likes chocolate, she likes cupcakes, but she will not eat chocolate cake or chocolate cupcakes etc etc. Apart from 2 or 3 favourites which she eats at a normal speed, she eats extremely slowly.
So although at home we can make sure she eats a good balanced diet, it can be very hard when we are out (and not easy to explain to friends' parents what she will and wont eat).

She has tried to reduce the list of what she is prepared to eat over time, basically so she can have her same 2 or 3 favourites all the time (and she has pretty much the same for lunch every day at school), but I continue to serve things she has eaten in the past and let her eat it or not at her own speed. There are some things she genuinely does not like which I do not give her.
She is 11 and I had hoped she would have improved by now becuase I know there are no fundamental objections to various foods, just the form in which she is prepared to eat them.

But really my point for you is I think it is ok to continue to serve food you know she used to eat as that sounds like fussiness rather than genuine dislike. I think good to put at least one thing on her plate you know she will like but not cook complete separate meals or reduce everyone's diets in line with hers. Eg if I am cooking a roast I will make sure one of the vegetables is on DD's approved list, and I will usually make some mash as well as roasties (just leaving a potato in the water after parboiling). but only if not really extra effort.

[Hakluyt]

"She sounds like a chunky/stocky child, who eats lots of food and snacks, but doesn't fancy tea. You won't be anywhere near starving her!"

She weighs 3 stone. Hardly chunky at 7!

[fledermaus]

OP said 50th for weight 25th for height, which reads as short and stocky to me?

[fledermaus]

My point anyway is that this isn't a skinny/underweight child that the OP needs to worry about feeding enough.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

It does read that way fledermaus, however 3 stone is v light for a 7 yr old I think and the height difference between 50% and 25% is only 5cms.
pediatrics.about.com/library/growth_charts/ngirlstwo.htm

The danger is to think of it in adult weight terms which would probably indicate a weight issue/stocky build when growth has stopped goes away wishing for a growth spurt in her 40's to avoid having to train to lose the baby weight

[fledermaus]

50th centile can't be "light" for a 7 year old, it's average Though 50th centile for a just 7 year old is 23kg, which is 3st 8lbs.

[fledermaus]

And 50th centile weight and 25th height is a BMI just under the 75th, so in the healthy range but "stocky" rather than "skinny".

[deakymom]

i took a hard line with my son as in you have eaten this for years you WILL eat it now he ate (eventually)

then he refused food again began howling about his tummy we tried everything threats/promises/stickers etc eventually went to the doctor turns out he has acid indigestion he literally can't eat by tea time he is on gaviscon now and eats much better

try two meals a day of likes and one of used to likes and dislikes take a hard line one meal at a time but i would suggest you get her checked over first we messed around for months before we got the idea of what was wrong we really thought we were going nuts

[PrincessBabyCat]

With all those snacks she's probably not hungry by dinner. If I'm not hungry, I won't eat something I don't like, and this is as an adult. Actually, perhaps being an adult makes it worse because I can make myself alternatives which drive DH up the wall when I make popcorn for lunch instead of eating left overs. If I don't like something, I literally no longer feel hungry around it.

That said, she won't starve. I would go with what my parents did. We had a three bite rule. If you didn't like it you had to eat least eat three decent bites or no desert.

[KittiesInsane]

3 stone is 25th centile for weight, so maybe those two figures are just the wrong way round?

[Hoppinggreen]

I tried doing this to my DD ( now9) when she was about 3 and I cracked before she did. Fussy eaters are children who want to skip their veg and go to ice cream or who prefer to eat one thing over another but my DD would literally rather be hungry than deviate from her " safe" foods.
After visits to GP's , consultants etc I only make meals for her she likes.
I sometime make small changes which she may or not accept. As long as she has a healthy and balanced diet I don't much care about the variety.
It's a fallacy that children won't starve themselves - some actually will.
If you feel comfortable doing it then try but I found it was very traumatic for all of us and didn't work , I even wonder if it made things worse.

[zumby]

God you lot will doubt anyone! She has always been heavier than she is tall, but she is very muscular. There is not an ounce of fat on her! I wish there was, because then I'd happily let her go to bed hungry instead of asking what to do. Here she is with ds who is only 18m and much stockier. Judge for yourselves!

Dd still wears aged 5 clothes.

Tonight she had ham and pineapple pizza. Homemade with me. She fed the cheese to ds as it was'funny' and took the ham off as it was crispy. It was proper ham not processed.

She had half a Jaffa cake for snack today so was hungry.

I despair. I do cook with her. No difference. She in theory is really willing to try new things. Excited almost. But then doesn't actually eat them. She also understands about carbs etc, we have chats about foods and good groups and how you need all good groups to stay fit healthy and active. But she can't quite make herself eat.

We're going cold turkey. :) wish me luck

[JerseySpud]

Its your DD related to mine? We've come down tough with DD1 as well. She either eats what we cook or goes without now as its costing me a fortune.

And yes. DD1 was fed baby jars and bland food as a baby. DD2 was fed what we eat and loves different flavours

[Wellwellwell3holesintheground]

DS is very 'fussy'. He actually becomes quite distressed because he wants to like stuff. He can get excited about the idea of trying stuff and then just doesn't like the taste or texture. He cried the other night and kept saying 'why don't I like vegetables like other little boys. I want to be like them'

[tobysmum77]

she clearly isn't fat with those measurements but isn't exactly underweight either. She is clearly eating plenty and I would be stricter with food so yanbu imo.

[Passthecake30]

When my 2 get fussy I cut out all treats, no biscuits, sweets, crisps, snacks. Only food available are meals. After a few days they are back to their normal eating

[fledermaus]

Honestly, if she is average weight and a bit shorter than average then you don't need to worry about her starving. That gives her a healthy but above average BMI. She obviously eats plenty through out the day, eating a smaller or even no tea will do no harm.