To effectively starve my 7 year old?

[zumby]

Dd has always had a tiny appetite. She is petite, but I amwas too, so I've never been massively concerned.

She's always been fairly fussy, but we've managed her eating fairly well. She would not eat a massive variety but would eat mince, so we could make cottage pie, spah Bol, meatballs etc...

But then she stopped liking mash; so we allowed the mince and booked potatoes. It wasn't any extra work.

But now she's gone off mince, and near, and cheese sauce.

Basically we're downtown chicken and potatoes. Preferably in the guise of chicken nuggets and chips; but also as roast dinner and any variation really.

I've had enough of the food refusal and her lack of eating.

It makes tea times a pain.

So I'm coming down hard.

I cook dinner; you either eat it or go and get bread and butter.

But I know she'll just not eat.

AIBU

[erin99]

So she normally gets a flapjack, a banana and a biscuit for snacks as well as meals? I don't think you're at risk of starving her tbh. I wonder if she is still full of banana and biscuit by teatime. Try cutting those out. Mine wouldn't eat much tea if they'd had a whole banana after school, let alone a biscuit too.

[diddl]

Is this a way of trying to eat only her favourite foods?

I mean are there many kids who wouldn't live on nuggets & chips if they could?

If you know that she likes stuff I'd cook it for everyone & offer it tbh.

Often my kids said they didn't like when what they meant was they didn't reallt fancy it at that point in time.

It would be eaten though when there was no alternative.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

I wouldnt spend even a second of the meal time cajoling her or whining at her either.

Dishes go down, everyone eats what theu want off their plates and after say 45mins, dishes to the kitchen and everyone gets on with their evening. Keep dinner conversation off food.

[zumby]

Thank you for all of your suggestions. I'm listening, and trying to work out what I could/could not manage.

The 2 kids eat together (with me supervising) at 5pm as they're both too hungry to wait til dh comes home at 6:30.

Sometimes I eat with the children, if I'm out running that night or if we've made a big family meal that dh can reheat later.

But sometimes it's just them 2 eating, then dh and I later.

Do I really want to make 3 meals?!

I'm off out to playgroup now with ds but I'll check back in when I return.

[diddl]

Is it a long time between braefast & the drive to school??

And a snack immediately after school & then how much longer until evening meal?

[drivenfromdistraction]

Don't know if anyone has mentioned this, but I would take her to the doctor and ask for a coeliac test.

My DS gradually became a fussier and fussier eater before his diagnosis. Post-diagnosis, he is now a great eater.

[Xcountry]

What if you involved her in preparation process? That usually works for me, if they can get their hands messy making it then they tend to eat it at mine

[WooWooOwl]

A banana and a biscuit after school is a big snack. I'd stop giving her that.

I know someone whose fussiness affected them for years into adulthood, mainly because his mum would give him whatever he asked for. He thinks that if he'd had no choice but to eat what was offered to him then he'd have eaten it in the end.

Because of knowing the struggles that adults can go through because of stuff like this,I'd be really harsh. Dinner is dinner and that's that, whether it's shepherds pie or chicken or whatever. Don't teach your child that being fussy will get her an alternative, it will give her reason to believe the thing you offered in the first place wasn't adequate.

[zumby]

Oh and aussiemum, dd was a baby led weaner. Ate smoked salmon, curry, lentil bakes as a baby.

Was fussy, but generally fine until ages about 5 when the food refusals came in.

She eats lots of fruit. Loads. Not many veg.

Wouldn't tolerate 'hidden' veg in mash etc.

If I stops back after school she'd spent from 3:30-5 in years. Total meltdown. She's just too hungry, hence why banana. I give (small) biscuit eg Jaffa cake too as her friends often have treats upon collection and I didn't want her to be left out.

I don't whine, cajole or anything at dinner. I ask her to put her uneaten dinner in the kitchen and leave the table. She then whines for pudding and I offer bread and butter. She turns on TV and disengages.

[WeirdCatLady]

I think a lot of fussy eaters are that way because they are allowed to be IYSWIM? (Obv. Exc food intolerance etc etc)

I'd be tempted by the, this is what is for tea, eat it or go hungry, route.

[zumby]

Diddl, she's up at 6ish as she is starving. So a snack at8:30 doesn't seem unreasonable.

She is collected from school at 3:15. Dinner is 5pm ish (been later recently due to lovely weather keeping us out and about)

Owl. That is my biggest fear.

Right! I'm really off now. Catch up later :)

[BeCool]

My DD (now Y1) got very fussy with food too - she was eating only cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches for lunch and refused mostly everything I cooked.

It's really hard but I found it best not to battle with it or make an issue of it at all.

I put her onto school dinners, and left it at that. She complained loud and long but was soon reporting back about all the lovely things she was eating for lunch - let peer pressure do your work for you :) And I knew she was getting a hot meal even if she was fussy at dinner time.

She can still be fussy at dinner time but is getting better. We keep a list of meals she likes and have an agreement to try new things (with varying success). If she doesn't eat dinner she can have bread and butter. Or a banana.

She wanted to go back to packed lunches so I got her to come up of a list of 10 packed lunches she would eat. It took her a couple of weeks to present me with the list and then she said - you can do anything you like Mummy, I will eat it. She knows if she doesn't eat her packed lunch she will go back to school dinners.

Fingers crossed she does seem to have turned a corner with her food and I'm sure a big part of it is I didn't turn it into a control thing/battle with her.

[SpringBreaker]

Stop the banana as they are filling so she will be more hungry at teatime. Don't allow her to "disengage" and put the tv on. She should eat the same as her brother and everyone else.

[erin99]

I hear what you're saying but I think it's likely that such a big snack is spoiling her tea. She is not that hungry so she is not bothering to eat unless it's her favourite.

I don't thiank you're unreasonable not to give in to her fussiness in this case, it sounds like she eats plenty. But it's not her fault if she's not hungry. Could you give DS a bigger snack and delay their tea, or give her a smaller snack?

[TheWildRumpyPumpus]

It sounds like she eats plenty in volume if not in variety.

I'd definitely cut out the after school snack, or at least swap them to something less filling like some apple slices or raisins.

[ICanHearYou]

Make sure she is eating for breakfast and lunch, then make dinner your 'battle' to win so to speak.

Just feed her what the family eats, she can push it around her plate and complain but just ignore it. She won't starve on 2 meals a day and will eventually just accept to eat what she gets.

[fatlazymummy]

I had a food refuser ,to the point that he would happily go hungry rather than eat something he didn't like. He would do things like pouch his mincemeat (in his cheeks), hide his packed lunch in obscure places. My HV advised me to give him what he did eat (which was about 5 things, in minute quantities) at every meal and offer him new things without pressurising him.
I don't see why people are saying not to give her bread and butter if that is one of the few things that she does eat. Bread contains a fair amount of protein (obviously get a decent brand) and butter contains essential fats. Marmite is great as well.
My son also used to drink a lot of full fat milk as well. It probably saved him from malnutrition.

[noblegiraffe]

She's not hungry for a full dinner an hour and a half after a large snack. If you want to keep the snack, fine, but cut down on the dinner.

She is eating well at breakfast and lunch, 2 good meals out of 3 a day is perfectly fine. Don't make her miserable about food or force her to eat a plate of stuff she doesn't want.

[Hakluyt]

Is she hungry? Is it possible that she has actually and enough to eat over the day?

If she is fit and healthy and not losing weight, she is obviously getting enough food from somewhere. I would just serve family meals, leave it in front of her for a reasonable time then take it away. And, as somebody said"never talk about food again".

Keep her dinner if she doesn't eat it ,and zap it in the microwave later if she's hungry.

[Whereisegg]

Agree that a banana and a biscuit it too much at say 3:30 with dinner only an hour and a half later.
Just give her the biscuit and dinner at 5, or both and push dinner back.

I would make something you know she will eat every third evening or so.

For unknown meals, put on about half what you think is acceptable to eat so she's not overwhelmed.

[KeinBock]

My dd (also 7) has an eerily similar diet - right down to the salami, olives and 'certain' sausages. It's such an ordeal creating an evening meal that she will actually eat. Her siblings both eat normally.

I often end up making a 'normal' dinner for them, and giving dd chicken nuggets, potatoes or chips and salad - because at least I know she'll eat it. She is petite and quite small for her age (just below 25th centile) so I worry about starving her, too.

[evertonmint]

One thing I read was to allow the child some control over their dinner by putting the single meal option, say shepherds pie and veg, in the centre of the table and everybody serves themselves what they think they can eat. Nobody questions what that is, but the child isn't given any other options so they eat what they think they can manage or nothing at all.

I certainly think with my DCs that sometimes I just plonk out my standard portion size (probs too big anyway) and then am expecting them to make a reasonable effort with that, where actually their appetite varies day to day.

When we do put the food in the centre, 6yo DS will take and eat pretty much anything, 3yo DD who is fussier might one day just load up on carbs or protein, but another day might surprise us by eating a tonne of carrots.

I now put a plate of mixed crudités in the middle whenever we're doing a simple boiled egg or pesto-pasta type tea (usually tomatoes, raw carrot, celery, cucumber, olives), and they both eat way more veg from the central plate than they would if it was already on their own plate

Like your DD they both eat a good breakfast and lunch normally so I try not to stress about dinner so much. Also if she is 25th for height and 50th for weight then I don't see any real cause for concern. I thought by petite you meant 2nd-9th centile or something!

[VeloWoman]

Sounds like she is not doing poorly with her growth then, with what you said she eats it sounds like she is getting enough food.

Could you perhaps work on ways to expand on what she does like, so perhaps chicken done different ways if she likes that, or baked potato instead of chips etc.

TBH I am not a fan of making food that kids don't like and expecting them to eat it or go hungry but I realise cooking two different meals each night is a lot of work.

I do cook special meals for DS but he has medical issues so it's a bit different.

[Offler]

DD would also eat anything as a baby, hot chilli, curry etc. Couldn't shovel it in fast enough!! Fussiness started about 3 years old, and has been getting pickier ever since.

DS is nearly 2, and eats well generally. Lots of fruit and veg. He sometimes had 3rds at nursery, so I don't worry so much if he doesn't eat his dinner (in fact if he does, I worry he'll go pop!). But he gets bored and starts to climb out of his highchair halfway through, but will eat it all if we follow him with the plate...

I've discovered dd will eat carrots if cooked the school way, soft, and not with a bit of bite the way I like

Both kids eat 'out' (childminders, nursery, grandparents) about 3 times a week, so I only have to pull my hair out for 4

[RonSwansonsLushMoustache]

My son wouldn't eat dinner at 5pm if he'd had a banana and biscuit at 3.30. He has a biscuit after school (banana or cereal bar on swimming lesson nights) and then we eat around 6-6.30pm.

He's definitely less fussy about what's put in front of him when he comes to the table properly hungry.