To want baby with childminder and not nursery

[bellini1]

Dd is 10 months old and is due to start nursery 3 days a week tomorrow . I go back to work as a teacher just for the end of term the week after . She is a very clingy baby and cries when I leave the room. She is otherwise a very switched on happy , bright baby who definitely knows what she wants and has from the minute she was born ! Her brother is nearly 3 and went to nursery from 9 months old . They are totally different characters and he has always been fine with nursery and being with other people .
My logic to the childminder option is that she will get more 1 to 1 attention and tlc . The childminder has 1 other child in day and 2 others after 3,30 . I have no personal issue with the nursery , in fact I think they are fab but I just don't think it's the right setting for dd. I know a lot of this mums guilt and worry but it's making my stomach churn . I just want what's best for her . Dh is being a tit and thinks dd needs to man up . He's normally very supportive and rational but he thinks nursery is better . Argh !

If you can do 2 different school runs and be to work on time and collect well, unsure it matters? Do what makes you feel better.

Your dh thinks your baby needs to man up???
I don't see the problem - send her to the cm. Id normally say your dh should have a say but imo he lost any right after that comment.
only thing id warn you against - our has had a lot of sick leave. We have flexible jobs and parents nearby so we manage but if youre a teacher presumably itll all fall to your dh. Still think our cm is great and would make the same choice again btw

I would always prefer a good childminder to a nursery as it is closer to a home environment. Just try to get your dd to meet the cm a few times first. My dd is a teacher and her boys were with a cm from being a few months old. The same cm does school pick ups now 7 years later. It is much easier to have a proper personal relationship with a cm than with a nursery. Your dd is stupid to say a 10 month old should 'man up' , she is a baby!

I much preferred the CM option. I was of the opinion that if my DDs couldn't be at home with me, then I'd prefer them to be in someone else's home, with a mum, not with a load of 18 year olds with NVQs in childcare.

How exactly does a baby 'man' up?

Your H is a prick.

This is exactly why there are different childcare options available, so that they suit the child.

Childminder might be cheaper for a teacher if you can get term time only (some so, some don't)

I'm a teacher and had a childminder for dd until she was 3, when she went to a childminder and pre-school.

I think you're right that it depends on the child - a childminder was definitely right for dd. She needed to develop a strong bond with one person.

Your DH is being a bit of a nob.

Oh poor dh ! Haven't presented him in a good light . He really is a gorgeous , kind and intelligent man . But yes his comment was stupid and didn't help my already delicate state of mind . If I tell him he's been a twat he would apologise. But I feel better for having been on here and seen that I'm not being mental . Decisions ahead ! I think actually I've made my mind up . Unfortunately she will have to go to nursery for rest of June and July as cm not free until sept . Will def let her meet cm before for a trial . Cm is significantly cheaper too .

I don't think you should be treating your kids differently personally. I know they're different people but I'm with your husband (though he put it poorly) in that you should give her a chance to adapt.

Embrace her time at the nursery and maybe she'll do better than you think she will. If it doesn't work for her, then go the CM route.

Dd2 was like your dd. She was so bad that the childminder said she couldnt cope with her all the time anymore because she couldn't even pop to the toliet without her crying.

So she went 2 days to nursery and 2 to the childminder, then for diffrent reasons ended up all 4 days in nursery.

Once she had settled and got to know and bond with all the staff she was much better at nursery than she had been at the childminders. I think because even if someone popped out of the room for a swcond there was always some one there.

Kimlo that's a good point and I hadn't thought of that . Oh blimey I just can't make a decision . I think I'll just have to give nursery a fair go and then review it end of July .

I'd give her a go at nursery IMO - I liked the fact ds was with just his own age so he could hold his own - childminder might have lots of dc with different needs and is the same ratio as at a nursery so probably not more 1on1 care and dc won't be dragged round school pickups etc and shopping trips - nurseries have nice walks out - ds' takes them out for walks to a nature area , the park and the library.

I was put off by seeing childminders at our local toddler groups tbh.

OP - I think that's a good idea. Give her a chance and encourage it. She might end up really loving it and surprising you.

CM all the way here for our highly strung DD. She would have absolutely hated a nursery, she shrieked her way through any toddler group I tried to take her to and wouldn't have coped being around loads of other babies/kids.

maddening the ratios are vastly different for CM and nursery. Nursery have far more children per adult.
I also don't get this "dragged on school rums" thing a lot of people have.
The children I have love getting out on the school run. they have a big play on the filed if we're early and it gets them used to the idea of going to school.
It's also a lot better for children to socialise with a range of ages , not just their own age.
Most CM's don't do "shopping trips". they may pop to a olocal shop where mindees can help choose fruit/ bread etc. but I don't know of any who do a big shop with little ones in tow.

Well your DD is 10mths which is classic separation anxiety age IIRC. At the age, if I turned my back on DC1, then she howled. A couple of weeks later and she was fine again so this is a phase and she will get better at being left although it is obviously unfortunate that she has chosen this exact time to go through it rather than waiting a week or two!
IME, she will get plenty of TLC at nursery. In the baby room which my DC2 has just moved up from, they never had more than 12 children so there were always at least 4 adults in there, often a fifth. They also never take a new child on unless it has been at least a fortnight since the last new joiner. This means that they are likely to only have one really unsettled one at once and can give that child 1:1 whilst the other three or four staff entertain the remaining 11 children. Even if one has done a poo and is having a nappy change and one is upset over something else there is still one worker left to read a story, lead a sing song etc. There is a separate cook etc so those staff just take the children through for a meal rather than have to cook it or anything so can devote themselves entirely to the children. They can also completely work to the child's routine as there is nothing else they have to do. Yes, meals are at a set time but a portion can be put to one side & re-heated later on.
With a cm it will be different as it is a more home from home environment and so she will have things to do like the school run, make lunch, do tea etc. This probably won't be much of an issue for you as this is your DC2 rather than PFB and so you will be used - and so will your DD - to things not revolving around her as you have presumably had to put your DC1's needs first at least some of the time but it will mean that your DD will just have to be left to get on with it some of the time.
I hated the thought of nurseries when I was pregnant and on mat leave but then a last minute childcare crisis just before my first mat leave came to an end meant we had little choice as the local nursery was the only option and I have been a complete convert. DC1 was a nightmare at drop off for at least the first five or six weeks but they worked with her - and us - to come up with a solution. DC2 was fine for the first few months and then had an unsettled patch but, again, we were kept in the loop and I thought some of their solutions were quite imaginative and resourceful (eg with DC1 they realised she hated it if someone opened the door & walked in so they put a gate across the door so the door could be open all the time)

I wouldn't send them to nursery. The most important thing for under 2's is a secure attachment to their carer. Yes there are ad childminders. I've met several at toddler groups. I've also met some wonderful ones. I bump into a cm local to me everywhere- parks, playgrounds, even once a zoo an hours drive away where she had her husband helping her and 3 littlies (one is their own). If I wasn't a sahm currently and didn't have 3 under 4 so too many for her ratios I'd use her! I'd say go with your gut and use a cm.

Childminder worked for us. I know nursery can be fine, but I don't see it has many advantages over a good childminder for under twos.

Just wanted to say thanks OP for this thread - I'm also a teacher and half way through mat leave so this is the exact thing DH and I are starting to think about. Very helpful to read all the responses.

yanbu. My DD went to a childminder at 10 months and I am also a teacher. She was also a clingy but largely happy baby and it has been a great decision for us. None of the nurseries gave me a good feeling when I visited for my child, but when I met CM I knew it was the right place for her. DD is now 19 months and extremely happy with the same CM. a few other children on different days and a real home from home environment. Really happy with our decision, she is really secure and has a great relationship with CM.

I preferred a nursery as I liked the fact that there would be lots of adults there. With a childminder the child's well being is dependent on one person who you don't know very well (at least initially). Although I'm sure many childminders are good I know one or two who aren't.

I don't know. My 3rd was a massively clingy baby who hated me leaving the room and would only move 4ft max from me at baby/toddler groups. He's been at nursery 6 weeks now and I'm amazed at the change in him. He has become so adventurous, interacts so much more than before. I'm quite amazed to be honest in the change in him. I was unbelievably nervous for him and the first two weeks were tough but he is great now

I've used childminders and nurseries (2 of each) due to moving around, there are pros and cons to both imo.

I think nursery edged it for me as you weren't dependent on just one person, if a nursery nurse went off sick, or on holiday then the nursery didn't shut.

My priority was to always have my boys at the same place though, I would never have used 2 different providers; they've always been treated exactly the same in that way.