To wonder when we are ever going to get 'normal' family time.

[mameulah]

DISCLAIMER - I know that we are all very lucky and have it easier than lots and lots of people.

But...

My DH works VERY hard. VERY, VERY hard. He has his own company and leaves the house very early and comes home about 7 at night. We now have a toddler and any day our second child is due.

I am absolutely sick, so sick and tired of not having any weekend time together. And of not have any time as a couple.

Anyone else in the same boat? And how do you cope? I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And please don't tell me that he doesn't have to work that hard. He certainly isn't going to stop any time soon.

x-post there.

If you think anxiety is the issue (or a big part of it) then I urge you to wade in and deliver an ultimatum -- he has to get himself sorted out or his business really will crash and he will lose it all. (And you will lose whatever you have going that depends on the success of the business too.) Anxiety makes for terrible management/business decisions.

You will need to get very firm because he will be very averse to recognising his problem if this is the problem. Does he have any friends or family he respects whom you could rope in for support in making him decide to seek some help?

Anxiety can be treated with CBT or even ADs if indicated.

I would hate this life on a long term basis. But both working and juggling childcare and so on brings problems too.

DH works abroad on flexitime and comes home for a long weekend about every other week, sometimes more often. He has worked as a consultant locally but that doesn't pay as well and it involves travelling still, only it can be for longer any any of 3 continents. At least this way he has a base and can get to know people and be a part of two communities.

I have had to become resilient, learn how to build up my own self esteem. Sometimes I have to ask him/remmind him of things we need but not that much. It does suck sometimes. He misses so much of what goes on. It isn't what either of us signed up for, but there isn't much of an alternative for him.

May I give you a different perspective?

I am the daughter of a man who did just this: He worked seven days a week in his own business, he would come home when it was dark and he could no longer work outside (he was a builder), he would say yes to whatever was going so he could work and build up his business. He did very well out of it financially.And he never employed anyone because they couldn't do it as well as him.

But my mum (as well as doing the accounting) looked after four kids, did everything domestic and run us around. It was the 70's, so my dad did occasionally interact with us - to discipline us when he got home.

I have to tell you that I have a lousy relationship with my father. I appreciate that he worked hard and provided for us, but I never felt I had a relationship with him. And I resent him for allowing my mother to have to make up for it, which she didn't do well. I am not close to my mother either because I think it was exhausting for her and she really didn't have much to give us emotionally.And I think she resented him working so hard, and we picked up on that.

My father has now retired but is miserable because work was everything to him.

I really think your DH needs a reality check. What kind of relationship does he want with his kids? Is this what you want for your children?