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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dance class cruelty

90 replies

Cocojai · 21/06/2014 17:09

Am I unreasonable to complain about my son's dance class teacher??
My 9 yr old was 10 minutes late for his class. Teacher said that he could come into the class. She didn't say that she would make him sit in a corner on the floor in silence for 2HOURS!!
I was told that 'it's all on the website', that if a child is late that they will not participate. This was a double class today and had I known that he would be excluded for the duration I'd have never left him there. We would've just suffered the consequence and gone home. I was on site but didn't know this was happening behind the locked door.
I can't think of a reasonable rationale for the 10 mins vs 2 hours.
I can't think of any other situation whereby a child is excluded for that duration when he hadn't done wrong.
I've been late for uni when they had the 10 minute rule, however, we were allowed back in during break and had to submit work for what was missed but come on...he's 9!!
So...I'm emotional but am I unreasonable??

OP posts:
PassTheCakeitsbeenatough1 · 21/06/2014 19:32

I'm struggling to understand how the punishment fits the 'crime'? Unless you DS is getting himself to and from dance class then I don't see how he can be held accountable. I realise that dance is all about discipline but this is disproportionate.

Pull him out - there are dance schools which are very professional at dealing with matters of discipline not involving humiliation and bullying and stealing money for classes that don't happen. Maybe she thinks she's Abby Lee Miller? or perhaps she is!.

PandaNot · 21/06/2014 19:32

He should have been allowed to join in with the second lesson, but sitting at the side to observe the first is pretty standard for most dance schools. If you're not warmed up it is dangerous, despite what a pp seems to think. It's not to humiliate them, it's just about needing to do the whole class. If our children are injured they're still expected to attend class to take notes on what they're missing, you don't pay for this though!

LoveSardines · 21/06/2014 19:33

If he's not going to be allowed to join in because he is late and missed warm ups then the teacher should have said that to the parent and take him home. Not said to the parent yes he can come on in, shut the door and make him sit in the corner for 2 hours.

I have no idea whether wrmups do anything or not but I'm not sure it's the point here. Teacher let him in, in order to make him sit in the corner. That's out of line.

DanyStormborn · 21/06/2014 19:34

YANBU. File a complaint and find a new dance class for your son.

SapphireMoon · 21/06/2014 19:37

Child abuse...
Parents fault not child's re lateness.
Absolute bitch.

Original poster
Cocojai · 21/06/2014 19:44

Whilst I appreciate that almost everything has to be subject to time restraints, it doesn't settle with me that the teachers decision making was 'reasonable' for the duration of his time there.
It would have been transparent, kinder and reasonable to have said that he would not participate AT ALL for the whole of his time there. I was not armed with that information and would have made a different decision.
I have emailed her and am still awaiting her response.

OP posts:
whosafraidofnaomiwolf · 21/06/2014 19:47

A couple of years ago a 12 year old girl at my children's school was killed by a bus. She had just been dropped off by her Mum and ran across the road straight under the wheels. She didn't look - she was in a panic because she was late for her dance class and her teacher was very, very strict in a similar way to yours.

Its an extreme example, but your teachers extreme behaviour perhaps prompts such a shocking reminder of the consequences cruelty without compassion can have for young people.

My sympathies are with you and your poor son in this instance. I swear some people go into professions that bring into close contact with children just for the pleasure of torturing them. Angry

TheBoysMamma · 21/06/2014 19:47

Your poor son. I hope it hadn't knocked his confidence too much! What a disgusting way to treat a child :(

TheBoysMamma · 21/06/2014 19:48

Hasn't not hadn't

hellskitty · 21/06/2014 19:54

1)Did the teacher see you/speak to you when you dropped off your DS or did he go in by himself?
2) Is this the first time he has been late?

Singsongmama · 21/06/2014 20:06

Being late is disrespectful to the teacher &uncurteous to the rest of the class.

He is 10, he wasn't responsible for being late. As for being disrespectful to the teacher...who is she? Some world class prima ballerina? She needs to hire a ladder and get over herself. Pupils being late is rarely their fault and can cause them to feel a great degree of anxiety....the teacher's actions could heighten these feelings. Imagine being punished for something you hadn't done....it's harsh. If he wasn't going to participate he should have been sent home.

goats · 21/06/2014 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Picturesinthefirelight · 21/06/2014 20:21

I'm torn on this one

They have similar rules at dds school, but its a full time vocational dance school meant to prepare the children for the realities of the profession.

The warm up is very important and its quite common at recreational schools for children to regularly be late/feel ill/need the loo during the boring warm ups & technical exercises but suddenly recover for the nice routine part.

The child should have been given the opportunity to warm up though.

Naomiwolf - assuming it is the same girl I read about that awful accident (CL?) what a loss of such a talented girl & it's lovely her name will forever feature in the programme ofvthe show she was in.

hennybeans · 21/06/2014 20:53

I'm angry on behalf of your son. If a child is late, it's usually their parent's fault. What purpose did her punishment serve? She should have taken it up with you (perhaps fine late parents, give them notice of not being allowed to continue at school if lateness persists, etc). Humiliating your son was pointless and cruel.

Write a letter explaining what happened, perhaps copy the school's policy re lateness, and hand it out at next lesson to all the parents. Then never return. If you didn't know this would happen, probably the other parents don't either. I would pull my daughter out of her dance school if their policy was humiliation as a consequence of lateness.

Panzee · 21/06/2014 21:00

Can you explain about the locked door? This is troubling me.

MargiaStevens · 21/06/2014 21:06

I'm also a dance teacher and we just acknowledge a latecomer and tell them to get shoes on and onto the floor ASAP (this is ballroom and Latin). As we often cover three or four dances in a class they only miss out on one dance and parents are spoken to if it's a regular occurrence. I certainly would never treat a 9yo like that. Complain to the organisation they're qualified through (IDTA for example).

CoreyTrevorLahey · 21/06/2014 21:08

This makes me sad. Children have their whole lives to deal with unpleasant people and feel anxious when they're teenagers and adults, which they no doubt will.

I don't know how anyone could put a child through this kind of petty, sadistic shite.

Billygoats · 21/06/2014 21:22

You need to let people locally know ( as in the other parents at the dance school) she could be spouting all manner of Crap to the kids behind closed doors.

Fuck whether that's the rules of dance. Maybe for a 16 year old dance student who's responsible for themselves, not a 9 year old boy.

Your poor ds, he must have felt so intimidated. I was a feisty little madam and would have upped and left.

GirlInASwirl · 22/06/2014 07:43

I'm sure that he has done a similar warm up several weeks in a row. What's the problem with him warming up independently whilst the class progresses. When the teacher deems him ready then he could have joined in.

Luggagecarousel · 22/06/2014 07:49

Definitely complain loud and long.

He was behind a locked door, unable to leave or participate? Not able to contact you?

I'm not sure but I would think that a crime has been committed.

HappyAgainOneDay · 22/06/2014 09:25

A locked door? How would they have escaped if there'd been a fire and the teacher had been overcome by smoke or something? I think this is where I'd let the local Fire Service Brigade know about it.

halfwildlingwoman · 22/06/2014 09:32

Ridiculous. Unless this is his life's passion, withdraw him, go somewhere more relaxed and tell her why. If he'd been denied entry that would be fine, but not to sit there for two hours. Power trip.

frankie001 · 22/06/2014 10:44

This is awful, your poor ds. Let us know what her reply says.

Hulababy · 22/06/2014 10:53

Hedge - I'm sorry but I really thing you are wrong, just as the dance teacher was wrong.

To humiliate the child like that for two hours for something he had little or no control over is cruel. Nothing more, nothing less.

If a school teacher did this they would be hauled over the coals and with very good reason. The dance teacher should be no different. She obviously has no respect for her pupils and couldn't care less about how they feel or how they develop.

She is in the wrong job. I find it very worrying that anyone could agree that her actions were acceptable, especially towards a young child.

There is no way I would be allowing my child back.

Hulababy · 22/06/2014 10:55

As for the warm up reasoning - that's very easily sorted. 10 minutes at the back/side doing own warm up (presumably they all know how to do this as they do it every week) and then join in at the next convenient opportunity.

Simple to avoid any potential damage to injury and with no need to humiliate a child.

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