to think I made a bit of a twat of myself at DSs school?

[DroppingIn]

My car has been off the road this week as it needs major repairs that will cost more than the car is worth so I will have to get a new one in the next few weeks. I usually pick DCs up from school.

The DTSs (Yr 7) secondary school is 3 miles away and the only bus to here leaves from there at 3.15pm so they need to go straight to the bus stop or have to walk. I have given them bus money but one or the other of them has either 'lost' it, did not get to the bus stop in time (dawdling around school) or they decided to spend it on crap and walk.

DTS2 was diagnosed late last year with learning difficulties and in some areas, the cognitive abilities of a 6 year old (he's 12). I really don't know how to deal with him, I admit, as he's an obnoxious little bugger but I know a lot of it is down to his brain function and he can't help it.

Today I told them both to get the bus without fail as I needed to go out and I wanted them home before I did. DTS1 texts me to tell that his brother is not at the bus stop so he's getting the bus anyway. I texted back (he does not answer phone) that he has to wait for his brother as DTS2 does not have a phone (they share one) and I don't want him walking back on his own (quite busy roads) as he has never do so before. Anyway DTS1 was already on the bus so it was done. When he got back he said he could not see DTS2 anywhere.

I waited until 4.00pm which would have given DTS2 enough time to walk back if he was walking and then started to get a bit panicky purely because of his learning diffs and the fact he had no phone. So then decided to start walking to the school expecting to meet DTS2 on the way, hopefully close to home just to settle my mind. He was not anywhere on the road, so I walked the 3 miles quite quickly panicking all the bloody way and arrived at the school (no sign of DTS2 outside) a sweaty, red faced mess smelling a tad BOey which I was about and because I wore my Birkenstocks I could hardly walk.

The lady in the office kindly led me around the school to try to find DTS2 and then he walked down the corridor in front of us innocently saying that he had been looking for DTS1 and was just about to start walking. This was almost 2 hours after school had finished (they are open til 5pm for afterschool activities).

I led DS out holding my hands behind my back to stop myself from strangling him and had to spend £10 on a taxi home so I could get back in time to go out again.

I am fucking furious at myself for being so panicky and think I must have looked like a right twat to the office staff. They can't get many parents of secondary school aged DC coming in looking like they've climbed Kilimanjaro panicking because their DC have gone missing. DTS2 is 5ft 9 and a size 10 shoe so no tiddler. Should I have just left it and let him make his own way home? Worried school have marked me down as a complete loony now .

This 4pm cut off time for school offices is quite common and it does bother me too - because that's presumably peak time for "shit - DC hasn't got home yet". I wish they'd have a sort of Panicked Parents Help-desk that lasts till 5ish.

I was that hysterical parent recently - DC4 had confidently told me Art Club definitely wasn't on this week, and then I get a call from DC3 when I was at work wondering why DC4 wasn't home yet. I insisted the office staff (thankfully still there) actually established that DC4 was physically present in the Art Club room but had got myself into a ridiculous state about it all.

I'm a teacher, I have a DS with AS who got himself into many a situation in school due to lack of thinking ahead, lack of empathy about how I'd be feeling and the rest.
No, they wouldn't think you were being daft, panicking about his whereabouts even if he didn't have learning difficulties. It's part of the growing up process, you think you've got it sussed and then something else goes wobbly. Mine had no sense of time either.
That said, I'd be wary of making DTS1 too responsible for his brother, however convenient. DTS2 knew what the routine was and didn't keep to it, so look at making the routine clearer. Make it involve a trip to the office if he can't find his brother, and a phone call.

Had no idea that 2ndry finished so early!

This worries me as sounds like something my ds would do, he has asc and little awareness of time.
He's currently in year 6 primary with size 10 feet and is taller than his teacher. One of the girls in his class is also 11 and 5ft9"
I'm worried for September.

I think here that the size of the child is relevant. Even if they still have a young face, people assume they are older and even without invisible special needs, expect them to be more capable than a similar aged smaller child. I do it myself with my own, I get annoyed or angry about something that they have done or haven't done and have to give myself a shake to remind me that they are only 12. Possibly also explains why no one was particularly bothered when he was wandering about the school.

You are a good mum.

'I'm worried for September.'

Get involved in the transition, talk to the school's Learning Support department and your child's group or class tutor. Flagg up your concerns now and you'll have time to trial stuff and work out some of the bumps and worries.

My dd is the same age, i would have been exactly the same as you.

All change since I was at 2ndry then-3.40 finish every day!!

And I thought that school days were getting longer!

Not that I think that a shorter day is bad.

Here in Germany my daughter did 8-12 for the for the first 2yrs, 8-1 for the next 2!!

I'm not sure that this has been mentioned as I've only skimmed the thread...but I am a bit surprised tbh.

If your dt2 has the cognitive ability of a 6 year old...should he really be 'allowed' to make his own way home? Should he not be given the appropriate freedom for his mental age?

I'm a teacher - you were perfectly reasonable! I wouldn't give it a second thought. I'd phone firat next time though, and maybe buy them a phone each.

op did say In Some Areas the Cognitive ability of a 6 year old. so not ALL areas.

Could they cycle op?

My office used to back on to school reception. Trust me, they will have seen worse! We'd much prefer a concerned parent than one who couldn't care less - sadly we get too many of those!

Having a child with additional needs is complicated, and most parents know what their child can and cannot cope with.
So mine had no sense of time, wasn't reading at all when he was 7 and yet was able to handle sharp knives and hot crafting equipment with skill and confidence.
You really have to trust the parent in most cases.

ive rang the school before now only to be informed she was at an after school club she had told me about and written DOWN on the calendar my baffled reply was oh is it thursday? im doomed aren't i?