to think that people aren't 'broken'?

[Thistledew]

I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in in the religion/spirituality section.

I have heard this term used several times recently to describe people who are suffering emotional difficulties - from behaving in an unkind or selfish way, to more serious problems such as addictions. I have heard someone say "when I was broken and behaving in a self-centred way" and also using it to describe other people.

All the contexts in which I have heard it have been by people who attend some sort of Christian Free/Evangelical Church.

Firstly, I'm curious as to whether this is a particular sort of teaching that is common to such churches? And if so, what is the thinking behind it?

Secondly, am I overthinking things to think that this is a pretty distasteful way of describing someone? I think that we are all have capacity to behave in a harmful manner, whether to ourselves or to others, and that we are on a sliding continuum as to how much each of us will do so at any one given time.

I work a lot with victims of real trauma, many of them suffering from severe post traumatic stress disorder. Yes, many of them are in a real battle with themselves to avoid behaving in a way that is harmful to themselves and to others, but I wouldn't describe them as 'broken'.

To me, that word has real negative connotations when applied to a person - you might break a china plate, and then either throw it out or glue it back together again, but in it's broken state it is worthless. I suppose that's the crux of it for me, that the word 'broken' has overtones of being worthless, of being fit for trash and it makes me feel very uncomfortable to attribute that to another person. It doubly rubs me up the wrong way when there seems to be a suggestion that the only way 'broken' people can be 'mended' is with some special god-glue.

AIBU to ask people not to call people 'broken'?

It's up to you what you want to call them

I think describing oneself as 'broken', is perfectly ok if that's how a person sees themself. If you, or anyone else were to describe them in that way, it sounds insulting because you couldn't possibly know.

I don't equate it to worthlessness at all

That said, I think I've only heard the phrase on TV shows/films.

Sorry, I meant it's not up to you or anyone else to describe another person as 'broken'.

I'm broken.

I have depression, a personality disorder, a physical disability. I'm broken.

The people who tell me I'm not/try to help me overcome this the most are the people in my (fairly evangelical) Baptist church. They're the folk who don't give up on me.

I can see why it's not nice, but given my history, it's true. As long as it's me, not others, labelling me in this way.

But the healthiest, most helpful group of friends I have are the evangelical Christians.

It's a useful phrase in evangelical religion, because if you aren't broken, how can you be fixed?

weegiemum cross post, that was not in response to you.

I have depression, ASD, ADHD and various other issues.

I'm totally not broken though.

What a horrible thing to say about another person.

Basically if you're not 'perfect' you're broken?

Who are these people? Want to know so I can avoid them.

:(

I think its ok for people to describe themselves as broken, if thats how they feel.

I've not seen it in the context you've described, but I have seen it as a way people describe themselves - particularly when speaking of a time they were in a bad situation of their own making.

There is also the usage of broken as in how someone would break, or tame, a horse. I've seen that often from victims of abuse. Heartbreaking, and very descriptive to those situations.

I can't see how it would be annoying in the context you've described, but I think it is a valid term overall, particular if that is how someone chooses to talk about their situation.

I have described myself as broken. I come from a drug addict parent who was in and out of prison domestic violence. Severe childhood sexual abuse. Been in a very abusive relationship and I am scizoaffective. When I am not feeling well I do see myself as broken. When I am well I do not.

I see pictures on TV of oarebts who have lost their children to murder/abduction/accidents and yes they look broken.

I think when your heart is shattered you can look and indeed be broken.

Some people manage to glue the bits back together and remain intact but not as they were and some remain shattered for ever.

I really don't see this as a religious term.

weegiemum - I'm very glad that you have people in your life who are telling you that you are not broken. I hope you soon come to a time when you don't feel it yourself.

Whilst weegie and anyone else is of course entitled to call themselves whatever they want, I do find it uncomfortable when people say that they were 'broken' but now are not. To me it suggests that both they see nothing worthwhile in the lessons they learnt and experiences they had during that time, and also that they are somehow now immune from the behaviours or attitudes they held then.

I don't see it as a horrible term at all. To gloss over people's real pain is horrible, acknowledging it is kind.

It's the uselessness/ worthlessness/ trash connotation that bothers me.

I have described myself as broken in the past, I just don't read the same negative connotations into it as others note here.

I used 'broken' because I was and felt unable to function normally in life. I felt physically and mentally broken as if I had been dropped from a great height and actually shattered.

But broken to me also doesn't mean unfixable. Rather, it seems to me to point to 'fixing' or 'healing' as the next natural step.

The Japanese have a rather lovely art of putting broken objects back together with gold, and cherishing them for their history.

Of course, if someone doesn't want to be called broken, then they shouldn't be, but I don't see anything wrong with the term itself.

What Happydays said, pretty spot on.

Although in the past, I may have termed myself as "broken", I would never ever classify anyone else as being "broken" - it just doesn't feel right to me. It's a bit of an arbitrary phrase and I certainly do not consider myself broken now or in the past, but like Happydays said, if it means someone receiving the acknowledgement they need, then it's helpful.

I'm not religious in the slightest, so has no connotations to me. I can see why someone may use the term if they felt actions breached religious boundaries or conventions, but I am dubious of the idea it stems from religious practice - I think it is another word bandied around like 'crazy' which doesn't really refer to anything specific now.

I too am broken. Physiologically and physically broken. Bits of me do not work as they were designed to. I appear to function well but it is all so much of an extra effort, and painful too.

Nothing spiritual or odd about it, just a description of how things are!

I have used that term to describe myself at certain times in my life. It feels like an accurate description of how I felt. No connection to religion at all.

I've never seen it used in a religious context but I have seen Broken used as a prefix on several internet usernames on other forums, e.g. Brokenparent who was fighting for access to their children, BrokenServiceperson who was asking for advice on dealing with PTSD and compensation claims and civvy life, Broken Jobtitle fighting unfair dismissal, Brokenhearted during r'ship problems etc. Every one of the people whose posts I read who had who chosen Broken as a prefix did seem to want everyone to know how dreadfully they had been treated, much more so than people not using that prefix IMO.