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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so lonely?!

20 replies

JessMcL · 20/06/2014 15:05

Our beloved JR terrier died 2 weeks ago today. He managed to escape from the garden (which is very secure and he has somehow managed to jump over a 6ft fence) and was hit by a car.

I had to take last week off work, and fortunately was on leave this week and next anyway so I don't have to face going to work.

DH is quite stolic and doesn't get upset easily and thinks I need "to get over it". I have to lock myself in the bathroom if I need a good try and turn the shower on so be doesn't hear me and get annoyed. I raged at him the other day because he took it upon himself to throw his stuff away (which I managed to rescue- not ready to let it all go yet) which resulted in an argument and me being told I need to "grow up" and "im in my mid 30s for Christ sake"

I just miss him so very, very much. I can honestly say I don't think I've been this heartbroken before.

AIBU for feeling so shitty?

OP posts:

CoffeeTea103 · 20/06/2014 15:10

Sorry for your loss op . Yanbu, he obviously was very near and dear to you. Your DH is being very insensitive, unfortunately to some people pets are just that and to others they are part of the family.

sillystring · 20/06/2014 15:10

Nah. Losing your dog is just horrific. I've seen grown men, hairy arsed builders reduced to gibbering wrecks at the loss of their dog.

When you're ready, start looking at the pound and open your heart to a new love in your life.

bitsnbobs14 · 20/06/2014 15:11

Of course you're not. So sorry for your loss xx

frustrated26 · 20/06/2014 15:16

Of course you aren't being unreasonable! Pets are part of the family, especially something like a dog which you can defnitely have a real bond with! It has nothing to do with needing to 'grow up.' DH was 30 (and me 24) when our lovely German Shepard died and he had to take 3 days annual leave because he was so upset. DH works as security btw so definitely not a wimp...adn neither are you! This will take as long as it takes and don't let ANYONE rush you. Xxx

SallyMcgally · 20/06/2014 15:18

You poor love - it's terrible when a beloved pet dies. It's not a matter of growing up at all - they are a much loved part of the family. it does get easier, I promise, but it takes a while xxx

InThisTogether · 20/06/2014 16:35

you are NOT BU at all. It's hard to lose a pet and frankly it's no-one else's business how it has affected you.
Agree with Sally- it will get easier but take your time and be kind to yourself.

GreenPetal94 · 20/06/2014 17:56

It is very upsetting, but I hope you can get back to work after your leave as in a sense staying home gives you more time to dwell on your dog not being around.

I think the grief will fade over time, but that is not much help right now and obviously dh's attitude is not helping. But he is probably just not sure WHAT to do.

Eelseelseels · 20/06/2014 18:53

I'm so very sorry. My beloved cat was run over by a car a month ago, and I'm still very upset about it. Can you plant something in your dear dog's memory? I did that when my last dog died and I found it very comforting. And yes, as other people have said, have a think about getting another dog to love. There are so many dogs waiting for homes with lovely people like you x

izzybobsmum · 20/06/2014 22:46

YADNBU - my DH and I cried on and off for a week when Rocky the Rabbit died. He was part of our family and we loved him. I still look for him out of the kitchen window when I'm washing up :-(

Writerwannabe83 · 20/06/2014 22:49

There is no shame in grieving for a pet, they are part of the family. They have their own personalities and are a daily presence and comfort in your life, it's perfectly normal to feel so upset. Very sorry to hear about your dog

LadyNexus · 20/06/2014 22:50

I'm sorry op

Have you thought of replacing your husband?

FrontForward · 20/06/2014 22:53

YANBU. I can't imagine the day I lose my dog. He's been a constant in my life for 6 yrs now, through some really hard times. Throughout this period, when I've divorced and had good and bad times with everyone around me he has been a loyal loving lad. Curled up against my leg now.

puntasticusername · 20/06/2014 22:57

So sorry for your loss, your poor little doggie

It sounds as if maybe your DH isn't too well in touch with his feelings? I mean, seriously - if you need to cry, you have to go somewhere he can't hear you? Because rather than comforting you, he gets cross?

AgentZigzag · 20/06/2014 23:07

Not only have you lost your dog, but you must be also noticing that your DH isn't fussed about behaving like a twat.

Those are horrible things he said to you. Even if he's not good at dealing with someone else when they're upset, there's no need to tell you to grow up or to get annoyed with you.

Him doing nothing at all would have been better than that.

Is this how he usually is?

MagpieMama · 20/06/2014 23:16

YANBU at all! I'm so sorry for your loss

My JR died over 2 years ago, I still get emotional about it but I'm so glad I have my happy memories of her. She really was my best friend.

TheMaw · 20/06/2014 23:17

Of course you're not! People grieve in different ways, take as much time as you need. And sorry for your loss xx

storytopper · 20/06/2014 23:26

Sorry for your loss Jess. It is very hard to lose a pet but particularly hard when the pet hasn't lived their full lifespan and dies as the result of an accident or similar. I lost a cat in a road accident - that was 30 years ago and we've had four other lovely cats since but I still miss her.

Don't get rid of your dog's things until you are ready - that may not be for quite a while.

for you.

LastTango · 20/06/2014 23:31

Jess - we had to pts our beloved dog last December as he was terminally ill. It has taken months before I was unable to remember him without bursting into tears.

I think your DH is just covering up his own emotions.

It WILL get better, I promise, but it takes time. Have a hug.

DaddyBeer · 21/06/2014 08:14

I think your DH may well be upset (if not, why get rid of his stuff?) but perhaps comes from a family where the open expression of emotion is frowned upon and so causes him difficulty. I'm being generous to him here, as it doesn't excuse his insensitivity, but might explain it.

As other posters have said, losing a pet (and especially a dog - I'm biased!) is HARD. They become like your children, and the loss can be similarly felt. So of course it is natural to be so upset and perfectly valid.

Getting back to work when you feel ready is probably a good idea if it will keep your mind busy while you go through the grieving process. Now this may sound daft, but consider that while your DJR would be touched at your loyalty, he would also want the best for you in the long run.

Hoppinggreen · 21/06/2014 10:15

I still cry when I see a golden retriever and ours died 10 years ago.
You do t have to get over it, you have lost a much loved family member.
Sorry for your loss, when you feel ready a new dog might be an option.
Not to replace your dog but just so you have some not her dog in your life.
I wrote " doggy love" there and then realised how wrong that sounded!!!!!

Sorry for your loss

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