To think my lovely DH has been swapped with a selfish pig?

[Allinson2014]

I've been to the drs, I've got a chest infection and I'm ten days post Caesarean section so I'm felling pretty delicate. DH returns from school run and I ask him, as usual, what he'd like for dinner. We can't decide and DD fills her nappy so I take her upstairs to change her. When I come down I see he's made himself beans on toast. Didn't even bother to ask if I wanted any.

I make every single meal that we eat, and I make it for us all. I don't mind that's just how it's been since we've been together. I'm pretty hurt he didn't even consider asking me. I then had to bf DD for about an hour, no mention of whether he could make me anything. I assumed he thought I had eaten.

I finish feeding DD and hand her to DH while I go into kitchen to make myself something. I bring it in and he doesn't even say "sorry I thought you'd eaten when I selfishly made my own"!

Not sure what's happened to him. Can only assume he's been swapped on the school run as he's normally such a lovely thoughtful man.

Seriously considering not making his tea tonight, although I will as I'm daft.

Just make tea for yourself. When he complains, explain that after beansontoastgate, you thought that's what you both were doing from now on.

You are 10 days post CS with chest infection, you should not be doing anything except cuddling the baby!

What a knobend. Don't fume in silence, OP. Explain to him why you're angry and upset and give him a chance to apologise. All of us make mistakes sometimes. If this sort of thing turns into any kind of habit, though, read him the riot act!

Definitely will annie. He's gone back on the school run now so hopefully he'll swap back to lovely DH. I'll definitely be having words later though.

It's our 1st wedding anniversary tomorrow, he can make up for it then.

I think you are tired and hormonal and you need to talk to your DH instead of silently fuming.

And he can make his own dinner for the next few weeks. You need to recover!

I was staying at my dads last week, my brother was at download so me and the kids were keeping him company,
he had some bacon in and said we would be having egg and bacon, I said are we having fried bread oh yes he says so 2 slices of toast in the toaster each and I asumed 1 slice of fried bread each, he did some garlic on it and my mouth was watering, then I watched him dish 2 slices up with a fried egg in between and had it all to himsself!
I said oh was it all for you then?!
Oh sorry did you want some then?
I was actually very hurt I know its just fried bread but I can just imagine if I or my brother had done that! And if I had been at home and my dh had I would have gone mad

Oh emms it's a horrible feeling isn't it! I'm sure DH just didn't think but actually it's the lack of thought that makes me feel worse. There's half cups of coffee all over because I'm not getting chance to drink them all so how on earth he thinks I'm eating I've no idea.

I'm only hoping that his brain is so full of anniversary plans for tomorrow that he didn't think to ask me!

I think he just needs you to tell him firmly and fairly that extra concessions need to be made at the moment to reflect your post-op recovery and chest infection. Appeal to the saver-hero/hunter gatherer in him - that usually works!

TALK TO HIM. My husband occasionally does stuff like this, he's just unthinking. A quick: "Errr, where's mine, you numpty?" can work wonders.

I understand why you are pissed off but I dont understand why it has gone on this long and you havent said anything.

Surely when you spotted the baked beans you would have said "Where's mine?" and when he said that he hadnt made you any then a simple "I am ill, I have just had a baby, I would appreciate it if you could make me some food please instead of just feeding yourself".

Stewing about it and not saying anything will mean the problem gets worse as his thoughtlessness and selfishness is never addressed.

Yanbu but why not ask him to make you something instead of fuming silently! Better to be open than to let it all build up

If I genuiney thought dh had already eaten then it wouldn't occur to me to offer him beans on toast. And if he sat there hungry instead of asking for something, I'd think he was being passive aggressive.

You have a very young baby to look after. It is fine to sit there and demand service. But if he's normally lovely then it'sa bit off to expect him to read your mind and get cross when he doesn't.