to withdraw my DD from school against her fathers wishes?

[NeeNawNora]

Dd is 7. Her teacher this year is pretty poor - had parents evening in November and when I asked if there was anything I could do to encourage/help dd she said not to bother doing anything as dd is working over a year above average. She hasn't had a reading book for 6 weeks and hasn't been moved up a level for months, despite reading well above it at home. Dd says she finds school boring - lots of queuing, sitting in circles and waiting for others to catch up.

Dp has at least 2-3 weekdays off and is highly qualified in maths/science. I'm highly qualified in English/languages. I'm seriously considering home educating dd as feel between us we have a good knowledge base and can share care of our younger dc. However, dds father (who sees her an average of one weekend per month) is dead set against it. Aibu to think she'd be better off home educated?

I think the only way to make it fair is that the parent who has the most time with the child gets to decide.

Courts compromise where they can e.g. re access so that nobody is too unhappy. But this would be a binary choice, school or Home Ed, and I would not bet money on Home Ed getting a look in. And if I were the DP I'd be banging on the doors of the court the moment it was suggested.

Laurie my ex doesn't much care about anything as long as it doesn't interfere with his life. It doesn't sound much like the OP's ex has much to do with his DD (one weekend a month is even less than my ex wanted).

It would be interesting to find out WHY he's against it, and would he bother to take the OP to court to get his DD back to school should she decide to take her out anyway. And how would he be able to justify seeing his daughter 2 days a month to a judge but have such a big say over something that really doesn't affect him? Surely if he wants a say, he should take a more active part in her life?

On the other hand, if the OP decides to home ed, and it doesn't work out, he might then have a point. There is nothing wrong with home ed (I do it myself), but I do agree it isn't always the answer.

Bit of a ham-fisted way of saying if he wants more of a say, he should take more of an interest. I'm with the poster who said whoever has main care should have the deciding vote - as long as no harm comes to the DD, that's what should happen if there is no 50/50 care.

I think they would take your dds views into consideration a bit. Does she want to leave school. Would she miss seeing her friends and so on.

Why should the OP's ex's preferences for how their child is educated trump the OP's?

Why should the OPs preference trump the exs?

No drivenbyyou the question would not be How much does he see her? but Who is right about this? and the Home Edder has a mountain to climb.

The thing is that you have no idea as to why there isn't 50:50 shared care. It could be distance, working away from home, numerous reasons.

You can't just say the primary care gets the say in everything.

if he wants more of a say, he should take more of an interest as much as I agree with this the courts don't, DS's Dad has had no direct contact in 3 years, just letters, i still have to consult him about DS taking the 11+ and school options, he doesn't actually care about DS' education, just stopping me get what i want but the judge says I must make a reasonable effort to let him have a say

No one has yet defined a reasonable effort, presumably this will be explained when he no doubt takes me to court again.

I should add, i think i am making a reasonable effort but as far as he's concerned a reasonable effort = giving in to his wishes.

Why should the OP's ex's preferences for how their child is educated trump the OP's?

Why should the OPs preference trump the exs?

Based upon personal experience of discussions / disagreements about schooling, consensus and respect for each other's opinion will stand your DD in good stead in the long-term.

Whether home schooling or conventional, the most important thing is your DD's happiness, so if you can find a way to get through the impasse without going to court, you'll be better (and less light of pocket).

Also are your intentions for home-schooling just when your DD is in primary education, or into secondary? Maybe explore those concerns together, to clarify what you do and don't want.

Maybe both of you write out a brief list of pro's and con's for both options (including specific alternative schools) and if you can talk it through, good. If not, could you try a mediation service outside court, who can help.

I think it may be a burden to your DD to be put in a position of expressing a preference - what if she expresses her (childlike) view of the world which doesn't end up being in her best interests. It just adds a further layer of complexity doesn't it? Fine if she was in secondary school, but she is still very young...

I think the only way to make it fair is that the parent who has the most time with the child gets to decide

It isn't about the parents, nor about "fair", surely? Isn't it DD's needs they should focus on?

But surely the parent with majority care understand the needs of the child better?

And I don't think I said it's who sees their child most (apologies if I did), I said if he took more of an interest. I get that the NRP (or indeed a RP) might work away, not be able to see the DC, but from the OP, it appears that the ex doesn't take any interest at all - what about phone/skype calls, making an effort to attend school things (whatever they may be), even taking the DC out for a couple of hours to stay in contact? If you abdicate your day-to-day responsibility, why should you get a say in every single little (or big) thing that the RP has to decide? (Note, I'm not talking about EVERY NRP, I'm only going by the OP).

Xihha that's terrible. Why on earth should he get a say when he obviously only wants to piss you off/inconvenience you? How do you explain to your DC that this person gets a say in how you bring them up, without even seeing them?

I get that it's very politically correct to include an NRP in all decisions regarding DCs, the arguments about it's 'their DC too', and why they should have a say, but FGS someone has to make a decision or nobody would get anything done. Why does the OP's ex think that she doesn't have her DD's best interests at heart? And it is reversible - it could be that home ed isn't the answer and it normally becomes clear pretty quickly whether it is or not. It could be the compromise is that they try home ed, see if it works, and if not get the DD back into school.

And like I said, with such a small level of involvement, would the OP's ex even take her to court to prevent her from home edding?

OP, it appears that the ex doesn't take any interest at all - what about phone/skype calls, making an effort to attend school things (whatever they may be), even taking the DC out for a couple of hours to stay in contact?

It doesn't say that the ex doesn't in the OP. It says that he sees her an average of once a month. You don't know if that is a few visits for a couple of hours a week, Skype calls, a weekend of physically seeing the child and then has phone calls etc on top.

How the heck is it going to work if he won't agree to it? Can the idea of home ed, and change her school if you must.

Oooops sorry misread that. But surely a compromise is better?

Why on earth should he get a say when he obviously only wants to piss you off/inconvenience you?

Maybe that is his motive; maybe he genuinely believes that Home Ed is not a good idea for anyone; maybe both. If it gets to court he might equally suggest that OP wants Home Ed to piss him off, and both beliefs would be irrelevant.

CumberCookie What compromise? Either a child goes to school or she doesn't.

What about your DSC? How will they feel if their dad is teaching your daughter at home?

If this was in a couple and this problem arose - what would be the solution? Whose rights come first?

Legally, nobody's. Anybody with parental responsibility can deregister a child from school. But equally either can register them at a school!

Can you not do work with her outside school hours and let her bring in something to occupy herself if she's left sitting there doing nothing? School isn't just about education, it's about socialising with your peers, learning how to deal with people and function in society and learning that if you want something you will often have to get through things you dislike/bore you to get it. Like school.

I think you would be very unreasonable to take her out against her fathers wishes or at all tbh. If it were bullying or special needs not being accommodated, you would be justified but she will be losing a lot of positive influences for nothing. You can teach her anything she wants to know at weekends, evenings and holidays. You can't make up for the social losses and will be teaching her that she never has to do anything she doesn't like, the likely consequence of which in later life means that she'll never get to do anything she'd love because she will never be prepared to get through the boring/hard/miserable things you need to endure to get there.

Do you or your DP not work ? If you/they do, surely the extra work involved in teaching would be massive?

Why on earth should he get a say when he obviously only wants to piss you off/inconvenience you?

Where is the evidence for this? How do we know that the father doesn't genuinely believe that his dd will get a better education in school? Or that he doesn't have valid concerns for the OP and her DP to provide a decent education?

Driven - I agree with you. PR is an ass particularly when there is a divorced couple and issues. One of you has to be able to make a decision to move things on, and then PR, and you can't. It is actually more disruptive to a family than the alternatives.

He doesn't see or contact her anymore than the once per month. He lives 20 miles away and works weekdays 8 am-4 pm or 6 am-2pm so he could see her a hell of a lot more than he does. He is against it because I'm for it, that's the simple reasoning. Dd really really wants it. I just think it'd be strange if it got to court for the judge toddisregard that dd wants it, dp and I are capable of it, dd isn't progressing as well as she could at school and all the other pros simply because someone who's been thus far completely uninvolved in her education (and pretty much her life) stamps their feet and says it isn't what they want - with no good reason.

Yes this teacher is poor. But last year dd was bored and uninspired too and she had a much better teacher. She is extremely well behaved at school and her social skills are good so she'll wait patiently while others finish without distracting them but it means she's bored and the teachers overlook her because she is well behaved. I don't feel another school is the answer, I think she just doesn't suit school that well. She loves being outside and exploring and being physical and sitting around in circles bores her and doesn't encourage her to want to do anything.