Control freakery to the nth degree!

[LastTango]

AIBU? - My sister is a bit of a control freak. Her latest escapade?

My very elderly mother wanted her woodland burial plot all sorted before she dies. So we spoke to the Local Council, she chose a plot and everything was hunky dorey. She gave my sister the not-inconsiderable sum in cash to pay for it at the local Council Office...........and my sister promptly went to the Council and PUT THE BURIAL PLOT IN HER OWN NAME.

I am really, now, at a loss to understand how my sister's mind works.

Whose name did you want it in? Seems sensible to have it in your sister's name as she went to the office to pay.

It's MY MUM'S burial plot, for when she dies. My sister has put it in her own i.e. my sister's name, when she took the £1000 down to the Council to pay for it.

It's supposed to be in my Mum's name Noodle.

But why does that make her a control freak?

Any chance that she had to?

Because SHE now has control over who is buried in it.......i.e. SHE has to name who goes in the plot, it is not in my mother's name in any way, shape or form. My mother, having paid £1000 for it, does NOT have the right to be buried in it, nor any say in it whatsoever.

It will be fine tbh I would think she had done it in case your mum is not able to make the decision for herself at the time perhaps?

If you feel very strongly that fraud has been committed then contact the council,

Er- do you think your sister is going to refuse to let your mother be buried in it when the time comes?

Can't you just change it?

I see.

Well maybe she is being a control freak, but what is the council's policy? Would it not be weird to buy a burial plot on behalf of someone else? Maybe the person paying has to have their name on it.

So, YANBU if it was her choice but YABU if the Council's policy meant she had no choice.

What decision Noddy. There is no decision to be made. She just wants complete control over my Mum, her bank account (already made sure she can sign for everything) and her life.

Have you been in touch with social services? If you think your mother has been taken advantage of, it's a safeguarding issue.

However, there may have been reasons for your sister to have done this (large cash payment, money laundering regs). And there are lots of reasons for adult children to take control of their aged parents' finances.

When my dad died, the funeral director and council told us the plot must be put in the name of the youngest family member as in theory they should be the last to die.

Taking my dad's grave as an example - my mum wants to be buried with him (not for many, many years I hope). If my dad's plot was in her name, when she dies she cannot give permission for it to be re-opened for her; she would have to be buried in a different plot. Permission cannot be given in advance.
As it stands, my dad's plot is in my name so I can give permission to the council when the time comes.

I was also told by the council they only accept someone other than the deceased to own the plot in case maintenance etc is required. There would be no way to contact the family if work had to be done on the grave, which could be distressing for the family because they couldn't be informed in advance.

I'm in the south-east, not sure if other councils have a similar policy.

It doesn't make sense to me to put the burial plot in your mother's name as when she needs it, to put it bluntly she will be dead, and will therefore need a living relative to organise the burial.

There might be a lot more back story here, I would expect so to get you so riled, but just this one thing, even including the bank accounts, does not make your sister a control freak. I would think it's all normal and sensible.