Arggghhhh my nosy mother!

[Freckletoes]

Parents have just visited unannounced as they do but I guess we're used to this now!. AIBU hate the fact that, while my dad sits down to chat, my DM wanders around my house nosing at EVERYTHING! Turning pages of the diary to see what is written down, shuffling through paperwork and reading it all, taking documents out of envelopes and reading them, peering through all the stuff on the notice boards..... She even surpassed herself today by going through my DS2 blazer pockets (non uniform today) and when challenged said "I'm just checking to see what he has forgotten to give to you!" Her usual response is "I'm just looking." As if that is a great excuse! FFS-my house, my stuff!! Keep your nosy beak out!
AIBU?
and I know I am being ranty

"Mum - if you don't stop snooping through my post and paperwork, we're going to stop inviting you here!!"

Mine has been known to go through bins before so she can berate me on things I throw away. I've learnt to hide everything that is 'personal' as she too has been through envelopes and documents around the house.

Aaah ,I see all the beloved daughters are here!!

You do not become an " unmother" one sunny day!.Mothers know you (warts and all )best in the world and worry forever,even when you are big girls.

Will be pushing up daisys,so will not see when you will be the same with your perfect babes one day.

My mil does this and it drives me up the wall. It's not the scale of the thing, just a low level feeling of being intruded upon.

When she recently visited, she was talking about all the things my dd has been up to at nursery. I remember thinking that dh must have been unusually talkative on the phone sometime, as I hadn't gone into that level of detail with her.

No, it turns out that she knew because, whilst I had a shower, she'd been into the upstairs tiny room stuffed with junk office, gone through our papers and found dd's daily handover sheets. It's not that I mind her seeing them, I would have got them for her if she'd expressed any particular interest. But why go stepping over boxes and bags of baby clothes, rifling through piles of papers? Just makes me feel violated in my own home, much like when she 'helpfully' does the washing, and wanders in and out of our bedroom "putting things away". I do not like people going in my bedroom. Dh and dd are tolerated, but that's it.

I can't think of a non-mad-sounding way to say "just play with dd or sit down and do the crossword like a normal guest!" I think she has become habitually intrusive because dh is not a chatty fellow, so she feels the need to Nancy Drew every piece of information she can get her mitts on. Grr.

It's totally unacceptable.

I think I would be inclined to send off for paperwork for emigration to Australia. Leave it for her to find - she will have a meltdown and you then say, stop being so nosy or these application forms get filled in ad we are off to Australia.

I honestly would really shout at my mother if she did this.

Kif and Rhiwrites You are evil and also wonderful!

Gotthemoononastick - are you saying that daughters are supposed to be happy about their mum (or dad) going through private correspondence and other paperwork? If so, that is baffling to me.

I don't think being a parent gives me the right to invade the privacy of my adult children - why would it? I wouldn't dream of reading private paperwork at a friend's house so why should I feel entitled to do that to my children?

Oh, Gotthtemoon, the 'it's just because they care' argument.

Possibly, but not necessarily. And frankly, the better kind of caring would be respecting the privacy and autonomy of your adult children.

I don't mean that to sound ratty, actually, but stories like these hit a nerve. Because my mother, though loving and lovely, is anxious and the sort of person who can be intrusive and controlling at times in the cause of managing her anxiety. Stuff like this is exhausting and annoying to live with.

Wasn't there a similar previous thread where it was agreed that the OP should download Australian citizenship application forms and leave them in a drawer to see how long it took her mother (or possibly MIL) to find them?

Moononastick - once the 'child' has moved out, is getting his/her own post, has his/her own life, that is when a mother stops being 'just' the mother, and becomes a family member, with the usual respect for other peoples private lives.

It is rude. No-one has the right to look through other peoples post and belongings. No, not even mum.

gotthemoononastick

My MIL never noses through paperwork and post. Are you saying that she loves her son less than you love yours?

I think it's just that she's not a rude person.

Ah my mother plays this trick but with my health and drs appointments...

It's only because I caaaare! I could come with you!

Yes, I'm sure that's it oh mother mine, and not because MIL mentioned I'd been to the drs and you were put out because she knew first.

Sometimes I regret fostering that particular friendship

My MIL used to do that years ago untill my wife stuck a v large black dildo in a drawer and she never went nosing again :-D

Taking letters out of envelopes is out of order. I would have to say something.