Potential nut allergy yet DH gives almond cake! Ranty, I'm afraid

[BerylStreep]

On Saturday we were at a friend's BBQ when DD (9) came out in a rash and complained that her mouth felt 'like it had a hedgehog in it' Apparently her lips and tongue felt all tingly and swollen. Cue going straight to A&E for several hours, where they said she might have a nut allergy.

I had baked almond & walnut brownies to bring to the BBQ (I am gluten free) and her reaction occurred immediately after eating these, although she has had plenty of exposure to nuts in the past. She had also been rolling down a grass hill, so that may have also caused the reaction.

Anyway, the consultant at A&E said that his gut instinct was that it was a nut allergy, and that in his experience, almonds seem to have a particularly high allergenic load, but it was important not to make guesses around these things, and told us to follow up with the GP to get proper allergy testing by way of a patch test. I have made an appointment, however the first date available is next Thursday. Poor DD has been miserable since, with a persistent rash and I have been giving piriton on hospital advice, which is also making her tired.

I had made a lemon cake made of almonds at the same time as the brownies. It is very much 'my cake' since I am gluten free, and DH knows it is made of almonds - in fact he bought the packet of almonds for me to put into the cake last week. However, DH announces today that he sent a slice in with DD to school today in her packed lunch. Thankfully she mislaid her lunch bag and didn't eat it. When I pointed out that this was really dangerous and the potential consequences, and that she should avoid nuts until we know exactly what we are dealing with, he really wasn't that bothered. I was 'WTF!'

So DH comes downstairs about an hour ago, to show me DD's rash which is still bad. I told him I had given her piriton and there's nothing else I can do tonight. To which DH then starts saying that he thinks it is a grass allergy, and he thinks it has got worse tonight, and he saw her playing on the lawn earlier. That may well be the case, but I reiterated the Doctor's advice that we can't guess at these things, and we need to get them properly diagnosed.

His whole attitude really pisses me off. He potentially fucked up big time, however refuses to recognise it is an issue, but instead starts to perform amateur allergy diagnoses, which coincidentally minimise his stupidity with the almond cake.

I don't even know why I am posting in AIBU. I know IANBU. Grrr.

Stop making cakes with nuts in them and start talking with each other rationally and making a diary of food, events and symptoms.

I have a DS with severe allergy and know that shouting partners side his heart rate, which when he is in full allergic swing is not good.

Well, if you don't have food allergies it's hard to understand them.

The only thing you can really do, is see what happens next time she eats a nut to find out. If the doctors suspect it, they're not going to inject her with it to find out. No one wants a medical emergency on their hands. If you say she reacted to nuts, they'll mark it as a nut allergy, end of.

That's how it went for my shellfish allergy. Mom told the doctor I had a reaction and he marked it down as official. Didn't inject me, like he did with other foods they were testing for.

Thats so, so bad. One time hives, tbe next anaphylaxis. There is a reason the consultant took it so seriously and that is it.

Id be beyond livid.

Not with the mistake - it happens. But with the fact that he isnt taking it seriously. Many anaphylactic reactions happen after previous more minor reactions, believe me.

Also, theres many many many ways of making gluten free cakes without the need for any nuts at all.

Hmm.. Just reread that. I didn't mean give the kid nuts. Don't. Just that you won't know for sure unless she eats them.

I fully intend to stop baking cakes with nuts. This cake had already been baked, and in fact was hidden away in a separate cupboard from everything else.

Hang on a second. Why are you talking about your DH like that? I know you're pissed off, but seriously- I would be furious if my DH spoke about me as if I was a childcare employee who had fucked up.

Secondly, stop using ingredients that could harm your DD until you have a diagnosis. It's too easily muddled up.

Cross-posts.

Chuffin that is exactly it - DH doesn't seem bothered at all about the potential consequences.

Santana I am not referring to my DH like a childcare employee. I expect him to be a responsible parent who will look out for our DC and take medical advice on board in the same way that I do.

It may be a grass allergy. I sincerely hope it is rather than nuts. But that wasn't the view of the hospital consultant, although he was very clear that guesswork was no use and it needed to be properly diagnosed through testing.

Not with the mistake - it happens. But with the fact that he isnt taking it seriously. Many anaphylactic reactions happen after previous more minor reactions, believe me.

this is why ds is banned from nuts.. until we can get him to the gp.

oh and dd's dad has managed to give her egg on the day we got back from the hospital with confirmation that she has an egg allergy.

OP, i don't think your DH understands the implications or realises what anaphylactic shock is and how easily it can happen and that it can literally be life or death.

He's probably also not aware of the difference between an allergy and an intolerance, so a bit of education needs to be done to open his eyes to the consequences. TBH, he's behaving like anyone else who doesn't know the risks involved.

Until she's been tested, you need to presume it's the most serious form of allergy and behave accordingly.

I hope you get it sorted on Thursday.

The allergy testing may well show false positives. My daughter and I both test positive as allergic to almonds, but we both eat them with no side effects.

I eat all nuts with no side effects, yet after I had allergy testing the doctor tried to convince me to carry an epipen.

Just thought I'd point that out...

Do you think he just doesn't get it as it's just happened?

My dd was 4 when she was diagnosed with a peanut allergy. She had eaten peanuts many times without incident before and for that reason it was a bit hard to accept when we were given the diagnosis. "Really?" we were thinking. I don't mean that we didn't believe it or accept it but we definitely forgot from time to time. In fact we gave her a packet of organix biscuits that were "May contain" on the was home from the skin prick test....

They also have false positives wibbly in fact, they are only accurate about 50% of the time.

Its a moot point about false positives on this thread though, since the OP's child does react.

op throw away the cake!
I have a severe allergy to shellfish, carry around 2 epi pens. my mom always kept prawns in the fridge, just WHY?!
I dont allow any shellfish in my home, home is the one place she should feel safe.
cut your losses and throw away the cake.
YouTube a video of anaphylaxis and show it to your dh.
he has been so irresponsible giving her the cake.

Its a moot point about false positives on this thread though, since the OP's child does react

Why is it a moot point? The OP's child reacts to something, likely either almonds or walnuts or grass. THey don't know which, but a false positive isn't going to help work that out.

Op this must have really scared you and you are probably on high alert and ultra tense - understandably .
I highly recommend reading 'the complete guide to allergy and intolerance ' , it may ring a few bells and perhaps help identify the allergen . The allergy testing is just one piece if a large jigsaw .
Do not stop cooking with any nuts - just label everything well.
My dd has severe allergies and I still cook with them - I have taught her to recognise the bad foods and ask before eating anything when out .
Your dd must feel scared too , apparently part of the reaction is a strong sense of impending doom .
Good luck with it all , and just forgive your Dh for not thinking , its easily done if you haven't cooked it yourself .

Thank you Waltonswatcher. The thing is, I don't feel on high alert or ultra tense about it - I'm happy to await the outcome of testing, but just not feed DD nuts in between. I don't want to be in a position where we are dealing with anaphylaxis because of stupid mistakes.

DH has apologised for his lack of concern. TBH it is true to form for him. Doesn't think in the first place, then if he makes a mistake, first response is to either minimise it or blame someone else, or both. He usually has a think about it later, but it is bloody annoying to live with.

I get that - my Dh always apologises by saying 'sorry , but you...'
A half arse apology based on his actions only happening as a result of something I did !