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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To talk to GP about DH's mental state against his wishes?

28 replies

FerneySatin · 18/06/2014 14:05

Been acting odd for a while, saying weird things, doing weird things - he's had a lot of stress on with his kids not wanting to visit and potential redundancy, money worries etc so I'm worried his mental health has taken a dive. Can't pin point exactly when he started acting odd but I remember a few weeks ago I said something that turned out to be wrong and he shouted at me "you think you know these things but you don't Nemo" and then denied saying it. Another one was during an argument he slapped my leg and shouted that he didn't agree with corduroy - I wasn't wearing corduroy but even if I was it was random and odd thing to say during an argument about the car.

At weekend we had a BBQ and we were all sat in the garden (my parents, his parents etc) and he came running out shouting "there's your family, there's your fucking family" and he sprayed squirty cream all over me whilst laughing and shouting there's your family. Our parents were really confused and his mum later asked me if he was ok so other people are obviously noticing it.

Other examples include a huge offensive rant on facebook about shoppers in asda (he never used to post on facebook let alone show himself to be an aggressive, intolerant arsehole!) and last night he did a night shift and at some point in the night took a photo of a poo he'd just done and sent me it asking if it looked healthy.

I've told him I'm worried and suggested we talk to a doctor, he has naturally refused. AIBU to go behind his back and tell the doctor about this recent change in personality? can they even do anything anyway?

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/06/2014 14:08

I would speak to the GP and get some advice.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/06/2014 14:11

I agree, go and talk to the GP

Sallystyle · 18/06/2014 14:11

My husband has bipolar and I have permission from him to talk to his doctors if I am worried. Because he has had psychosis in the past it is important that I was given permission to talk to them when he doesn't believe there is anything wrong with him.

I don't think you talking to his GP against his wishes is wrong, I am just not sure they will be able to do anything about it. They may be able to advise you but they can't to my knowledge actually do anything with your husband unless he is at harm of hurting himself or another. We have some GP's here so hopefully they can shed some light on this.

If you are worried and he won't visit his GP then it isn't going to hurt to talk to them.

Do you think there is any chance he could be suffering with psychosis?

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Psychosis/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

Before this what was your husband like? squirting cream over you? is that something that is completely out of character for him?

Sallystyle · 18/06/2014 14:12

BTW, I forgot to say.

If he has any symptoms of psychosis then you do need to act fast and call the GP today.

Sallystyle · 18/06/2014 14:15

I also wonder if calling 111 to start with would be more useful?

They might put you through to the mental health crisis team and they would be better to asses if he needs immediate help.

Just another idea. I don't know how long you have to wait for a GP appointment but if you are worried and can't get one soon 111 is another avenue for you.

Original poster
FerneySatin · 18/06/2014 14:20

The squirty cream was totally out of character because normally he'd be a) too self concious to make a massive show of himself like that and b) he wouldn't appreciate the mess all over his newly built decking.

The ranting about asda is kind of out of character - he rants at me about slow "ditherers" and "morons who walk backwards" and "docile idiots" and "selfish parents of screachy kids" all the time but to post it on facebook was very out of character. He doesn't even agree with facebook, he only had an account because he was pressured into it by me and friends.

The random comments is out of character and the poo photo again is a huge exaggeration of his character - he has been known to joke about poo but to send a pic of it is just not him.

OP posts:
x2boys · 18/06/2014 14:25

oh gosh this is difficult I,m a mental health nurse yes I would speak to your gp but unless your husband is putting himself or anybody else at risk nobody can actually force him to get help I presume your husband doesn't believe there is any thing wrong at the moment? All you can do is speak to you gp and try and persuade your husband to get help however if things come to a head and you need help fast there will always be a psychiatrist based in a and e and maybe the crisis team that can assess him this is of course if your husband was to agree to go to a and e ,failing this call the police they would be obliged to take him to a place of safety to be assessed I,m sorry its always a grey area and I have had many conversations with concerned relatives over the years who have phoned mental health wards in desperation for advice

glasgowstevenagain · 18/06/2014 14:27

Needs a brain scan ASAP

Sallystyle · 18/06/2014 14:32

And glasgow has a good point. It could be something physical.

How you are going to get him to the doctors is hard part. Unless he goes of his own accord, or as x2boys said, unless he is thought to be a harm to himself or others, no one can force him to get help.

I would personally call 111 now and hopefully they can lead you in the right direction.

Please keep us updated if you can and good luck.

Original poster
FerneySatin · 18/06/2014 14:33

He denies the Nemo thing, he denies the corduroy thing, he says he just had a burst of energy re. the squirty cream and the poo thing he says is normal behaviour.

OP posts:
RoseberryTopping · 18/06/2014 14:37

YY I would definitely call his GP today. It won't be a nice feeling to go against his wishes but that really does sound strange.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 18/06/2014 14:38

It does sound very worrying unfortunately I don't think the Dr would act on anything without your DH being present. That's not to say you shouldn't speak to them and get advice because it does sound like he has either something physically wrong or he is having a breakdown.

WiIdfire · 18/06/2014 14:39

Whilst the GP may not be able to do much, it will be useful to them to know this background in case your husband chooses to see them later on. Husband may not be completely forthcoming in his consultation and the GP might appreciate the heads up about what to look out for, rather than just dismissing him.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 18/06/2014 14:39

Is there anyone besides you your DH would listen to? Could you confide in his family? I think it's important you let other people in the family know what is happening.

DeWee · 18/06/2014 14:42

I doubt the GP can discuss even your partner with you. I am happy to be corrected on that though.

The squirty cream though does remind me of my gran when she first started showing signs of dementia. Sad

dawndonnaagain · 18/06/2014 14:46

My dh has mental health problems and we currently have home treatment in daily. This was my doing because I judged that he wasn't functioning properly. He disagreed, fortunately a) it's on record that my judgement is unfailing over 21 years. b) I have permission from him. c) His CPN agreed.
Do seek help, maybe ask the doctor if he/she would do a home visit when dh is at home. If dh is ill, it's really important not to lie to him. Tell him the doctor is visiting, but not so he can scarper, a couple of minutes before, or when he turns up, look Dr is here, I was concerned so I've asked him/her to come and have a chat with us.
Good Luck, OP.

napoleonsnose · 18/06/2014 14:47

Having experienced mental health issues with my DM I would think it is unlikley that the Dr will be able to do anything without your DH's permission. I know that when my DF and I went to the GP, the Dr made it very plain that he could not betray patient confidentiality by talking to us about her. Unfortunately it took a complete mental breakdown by DM before the professionals got involved and she got the help she needed. Maybe a call to MIND or a similar organisation might be able to give you some advice? Wishing yoh all the best OP.

littlejohnnydory · 18/06/2014 14:49

The GP wouldn't be able to disclose anything specific about your dh but yes, he would be able to talk generally about your concerns. He would also not be able to tell dh you had spoken to him - even if dh requested his medical records that information would be removed.

Even if GP can't do anything, as someone else said, it will be useful to have the context and a third party report regarding his behaviour if dh does visit the GP of his own accord, even about an unrelated issue.

The GP might also be able to advise you as to who to call in a crisis, if it appears that your dh isn't safe, or if his behaviour becomes extreme enough to put others at risk.

What a horrible situation to be dealing with, it does sound concerning.

PumpkinPie2013 · 18/06/2014 14:56

Poor you Sad and your husband - he must be suffering Sad

I would definitely ring the GP even if it's only to talk through your concerns and get some advice.

Do you have a good relationship with his parents? Can you perhaps talk to them to see if they could help too?

Good luck x

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/06/2014 15:02

You absolutely need to speak to someone OP. There is a chance there's a physical cause rather than a MH one but regardless you need to discuss it ASAP.

He may be denying it, maybe he doesn't remember, but don't let it stop you doing something about it.

DinoSnores · 18/06/2014 15:10

Speaking to his GP sounds good. The GP won't be able to tell you anything or discuss your DH's medical records, but will be able to listen and then can decide how to act.

BravePotato · 18/06/2014 19:12

The Nemo thing is a direct quote from the movie, isn't it?

Anyway, talk to a GP, and if things get really weird or worrying, call an ambulance/999

A friend of mine has been sectioned for psychosis (she was much worse than your DH, much worse) but it started with irrational behaviour and also not sleeping for a couple of nights.

She could reason away everything she did. When she started packing the baby in a suitcase at 3 am one morning and said she was going on a trip, and could he help her pack, as she could not figure out which knickers should go on top of which knickers, he called 999

She is completely recovered and fine now, BTW.

but the difficult thing was that she partly rational,a dn able toe plain her own behaviour.

Serendipity30 · 18/06/2014 19:26

Hello OP this happened last Christmas to my brother, he started acting strangely just little things at first, that were out of character similar to what your describing. He was under a lot of stress, at uni and had a breakup with his girlfriend. He ended up having a psychotic episode. You know your husband better than most so yes please go see you GP and have a discussion with them about what is happening, they will be able to advise you. You need to see a GP as soon as possible. We all notice things individually but dismissed them and my brother deteriorated very quickly, he had never experienced an episode before. On the bright side after a lot of support he is doing much better now and is almost back to the way he was. Hope all goes well

Musicaltheatremum · 18/06/2014 19:38

If a relative comes to me with concerns. I usually wait a bit then invite them in for a "health check" I agree with the brain scan too.
It's difficult but I would not have any problem with you voicing your concerns and I would note it down.

Sallystyle · 18/06/2014 19:42

Some of the symptoms of the op's husband sound quite similar to my husband when he is on the cusp of psychosis which is why I think it would be a good idea for the OP to try to get some advice from the crisis team. They may not talk to her but it's worth a try.

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