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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

year 6 woes, had enough and cant face school pick up

42 replies

biblebreakfast · 18/06/2014 08:56

Ds1 at end of year 6. About to return from school camp and I cantface picking him up. Aibu to tell him to pull his wheelie case 400 yards to meet me away fromthe other parents? Or just suck it up. I have no friends , they all know each other and one in particular is always telling her ds how much she hates us( her ds and mine are good friends oddly enough) never spoke to her but she is in the click and they stand and snigger at me.she even tried to get my son expelled in year 3 after a fight between our kids, no one was hurt but she has harrasses me for years and kids go to up to same big school in September.
I am all alone and have mh probs and suicidal, dont know what to do. I dont bear her any grudge but none of them like me anyhow. I drop ds up road from school so dont go in playground. I just hate it so much and dont want to go to sports day or year 6 ball either. Not sure if suicidal because of this and constantly think of this woman's hate of me and my son. Sat in ds2 nursery carpark and feel so tearful.
On 40mg of seroxat so dont want to go to gp as nothing he can do. Dh dead years ago and no family.
just need words of comfort and how to be strong, should I email school and tell them to make him walk, just dont know and off work sick as just dont want to do anything, self employed so no income other than t credits and family allowance
thanks for getting this far
have nc

OP posts:

softlysoftly · 18/06/2014 09:00

You need to see your GP I know you say they can't do anymore but that's for them to decide.

Your thoughts at this point aren't rational, the reaction to this woman is. excessive. I'm sorry you are feeling this way please go in today x

JohnnyBarthes · 18/06/2014 09:01

Oh Bible, that sounds crap. One thing I can say is that after a slightly rocky start, secondary has been much better.

legot · 18/06/2014 09:02

Give yourself a break and ask him to walk to a meeting point. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

For what it's worth I don't believe they all hate you - they just follow this nasty woman like sheep because they fear getting on the wrong side of her.

When your kids move up to big school she will be in a different context and won't have the same backing.

Sending you a big hearty hug.

MrsWolowitz · 18/06/2014 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyCybilCrawley · 18/06/2014 09:08

So sorry

LadyCybilCrawley · 18/06/2014 09:11

So sorry you are feeling this way

Navigating school as parents can be so hard - I have felt the same way at times

Please go to your gp - there ARE other drugs they can try

My only comment is that everyone does not hate you - maybe this one woman is awful - but I guarantee you that there are parents that are not led and make up their own minds and would love to speak to you given the chance

sunshinecity17 · 18/06/2014 09:11

I am very sorry you are feeling this way , it must be horrid,
As softlysoftly says one of the symptoms of depression is the loss of rational thought.I am sure there is a part of you that knows when you are typing your OP that it is totally IRRATIONAL.This woman, who you have never even spoken to, really won't be standing there laughing at you , she will be laughing and chatting with her friends.I bet you are hardly even on her radar, and even if she was so what? Who is she to you? But there is no point in me saying these things because you are not in a place to take them on board.
You need to get back to the GPs though.Today preferablyPrint out this OP and take it. i

In practical terms I would be tempted to go to school pickup late so that you are not waiting about, and can just grab him and go.Take your younger child and concentrate solely on him and your older one and ignore everyone else.

workhouse · 18/06/2014 09:13

Of course it will be fine if he walks, just phone the school and ask them to give him a message. then you can relax a bit

Secondary school will be so much better for you, you will barely have to see any other parents.

I agree though, you must get seen by someone who can help.

madbutnormal · 18/06/2014 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonrach · 18/06/2014 09:24

Sending hugs. Phone up the school and ask them to send your son to arranged meeting point around the corner.

GoblinLittleOwl · 18/06/2014 09:24

What is more important is how your son will feel if the coach turns into school and he can't see you amidst all the other parents. You don't have to stand near these unpleasant people, but he will be looking out for you and will want to see you.

littledrummergirl · 18/06/2014 09:37

When my dcs went on their yr6 residentials I felt the lowest I have ever been and I dont have mh illness to deal with.
The day/day before they came back were horrible, I had horrid thoughts and can imagine that if you are outside of a horrible clique why you feel that you do not want to face them.

Can you go along just before the bus is due and stand away from them? Take ds2 and talk to them about how amazing it will be to have ds1 home. Use ds2 as a distraction from those around you.

I think your ds1 will be really pleased to see you, especially if he knows how hard you find it. Remember you are going for him and thats much more important to you than some petty women you have no need to speak to.

I also cried when I saw my dcs and had to give them big hugs and totally humiliate them kisses when I saw them.

You may find this hard now but in the long run it could be a lovely memory for you all.

CarCiKoTab · 18/06/2014 09:47

Like everyone has said you really need to try and see someone although it does sound to me like you are being bullied by this woman. She sounds utterly repulsive and if I were you I'd be inclined to make the school aware as to what she is doing exactly because she sounds damn right immature and a nasty piece of work.

Yes your MH issues are not going to help in regards to making you feel awful but you may be on the wrong medication, you have every right to feel this way it sounds like you have been through a lot and I'm really sorry. Could your doctor not refer you on for counselling and maybe try different medication?

Original poster

biblebreakfast · 18/06/2014 10:00

It makes me feel worst that my son will be upset if I am not in the gang of parents. The woman's son and mine are partners for the trip and likely to be together.

OP posts:

CarCiKoTab · 18/06/2014 10:05

Can't you just tell her to grow up and remind her how old she is? You do have to remain strong, unfortunately these people are like animals of prey and you have to keep your head up and tell her to get a life!

Idontseeanyicegiants · 18/06/2014 10:11

Parents in the school yard can be worse than the children, it's one of the reasons I don't get involved in the groups.
Paint a big fat fuck you smile on your face and go meet him. This cow is no better than you despite what she might think. You have every right to be there to greet your boy. Can you make a quick plan to take them somewhere for a small treat after he comes back? Hold your head up high and remember you are a good mum and stronger than she is.
I'm actually cross on your behalf, who do these people think they are?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 18/06/2014 10:15

Oh, I don't really know what to say, but I wanted to agree with others: its not you its her, and I'm sorry you are feeling so down.

Please try and ignore the idiots and concentrate on welcoming your boy back home.

BlackeyedSusan · 18/06/2014 10:18

I might have said put your chin up and try not to care... but as I came home yesterday and cried after an encounter with another parent, I know that is not so easy.

marne2 · 18/06/2014 10:43

Hold your head high, go and pick up your son from the playground and f*ck what other people think of you! you are worth more than that. I often stand on my own in the playground, there are a few people that will say 'hello' but a lot of the parents are stuck up and talk behind your back ( I have 2 dd's with autism so I'm sure I get talked about a lot ), I don't really care, if they don't want to take the time to get to know me then that's their loss, when my dd's finish school I don't have to have anything to do with them. You need to put your ds first, show him you are strong and you are there for him and no one else, you don't need to be friends with these people.

Joolsy · 18/06/2014 10:49

If she hated you that much she wouldn't be spending so much time on you! I know you may find it hard to believe but it sounds like she is jealous. Any mums that I don't get on with I just tend to avoid in the playground.

littlejohnnydory · 18/06/2014 11:19

How horrible, what is this woman's problem? She's a bully. Does your dh like the school? Is he affected by any of this?

What's really important here is that you show your ds not to be intimidated by bullies, give him the message that it's to do with them and not you. Please don't let this pathetic woman prevent you from being there to greet your son.

And do go back to the GP. many people respond to one antidepressant who don't respond to another - seroxat might not be the right medication for you. Also, if you're feeling suicidal then you need more support than you are getting. Have you had any contact with the Community Mental Health Team? Or been offered counselling / CBT? There are other options and you won't always feel like this.

dreamingofblueskies · 18/06/2014 11:48

Echoing what littlejohnnydory said, Seroxat is not a good medication for people with suicidal thoughts. I recall a few years ago it was stopped for use for anyone under 18 because of this reason. Slightly worrying for me as I had been on it since the age of 15!
Regarding school pick up I had the same (albeit not as extreme) situation a few years ago and it was horrible, you have my total sympathy. I know it's incredibly hard but you need to try and ignore this horrid woman and not give her the power over you that she obviously needs to feel better about her nasty self. (((hugs)))

GatoradeMeBitch · 18/06/2014 12:06

I'm sure it was kindly meant, but I don't think it's right to say that the OP is irrational for thinking this woman will be laughing at her. I'm sure she can tell if she is being laughed at or not. Minimizing this kind of situation doesn't help people feel better.

On the plus side OP there's only a month left! Once they start secondary school the dynamic will be different.

Original poster

biblebreakfast · 18/06/2014 13:06

She has followed me down the road with a gang of her parent friends screaming abuse at me. This was after the boys had a fight and I had punished ds and school had dealt with it. She has also made up lies about my sons behaviour, he was actually in hospital when he was supposed to have been rude to her. Too be honest I am scared of her and thinking of taking my dog I stead of other dc and arriving late as she is always one of the first at school.
re seroxat have been on it 15 years and have never been able to come off it so just stayed on it, 3ven when pregnant.

OP posts:

Tallandgracefulmum · 18/06/2014 13:17

Agree with legot! Walk tall and proud, and ignore this person. Your DC is in year 6, she will not be able to do so at secondary level, aprents do not wait in the playground to collect their kids. Try an ask that the DC are not i the same class and explain the history to the new school. There are some mums like that at my DC nursery, they like playing the mean girl but you know what they are not people you want to be friends with and remember karma is a bitch.

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