To force ds to do extra school work/revision?

[Bouttimeforwine]

Ds hates school and it's always been a battle to get him to help him with anything connected with school. It doesn't help that his sister doesn't need our help as she finds academic life very easy. I think possibly he thinks if he doesn't make any effort, he can't "fail". He achieved average level 4's in his year 6 sats.

We didn't really push or pressurise him in primary, as the battles were not worth it and he is a fairly anxious child. We didn't want to put further pressure on him.

Now he is in year 7 at secondary. He doesn't seem to have progressed much this year. His sat levels appear to be the same. He has put in minimum effort with homework etc.

We have been trying to get him to do some revision for his end of year tests. We have been emphasising that it doesn't matter what his actual test results are, as long as we can see him put in some effort beforehand.

Many arguments, crying, linking time revising to xbox time, and general misery later, I'm wondering if it is all worth it.

I'm worried that if we don't start putting some pressure on him now then he is going to fall further and further behind.

Aibu to force him to work next year?

Please give me positive stories about your reluctant learners and how they suddenly have an epiphany and realise they need to work at school.

Mfl - I can't remember. Nothing that I remember as standing out as good or bad.

Year 6 sats and year 7 assessed results may not tie up. Talk to his teachers .

I think I understand why and will try to explain but might not suceed!

Year 6 sats are the result of extensive " teaching to test" and practice. They are probably artificially high. It is in the interest of the primary school to really push these results up as much as possible. Lots hinges on it re OFSTED etc. Entry tests in year 7 are done by schools to re asses. THese are always lower than yr 6 leaving results. It is these results secondaries use to base their measures of progress on.

Same happens in schools bwteen yr2 sats and year 3 entry- though less so now there aren't formal sats at yr2 and also less in schools that are one unit from R to yr 6

In summary compare results now with the entry to year 7 levels not end of year6!

Good point. Thanks.

I guess DH and I are getting worried because it is hard for us to see ds waste his potential. He will have to work harder than his sister to achieve the same results, but he is capable of it. When he concentrates there is a big difference to when he doesn't.

We both have degrees and the lifestyle that comes with academic success. It is hard to think ds will limit his opportunities. When is the time to apply pressure - if ever?

Thanks guys for your advice.

I wouldn't, but I know that my opinion is going to be the minority on mumsnet. I don't see the point in forcing learning and I don't believe it leads to real learning - all it can do is put a child off learning. I also don't see the point on forcing a child towards academic "success" when it might not be their natural strength. Or perhaps it is but will come later.

I felt under a lot of pressure at school and did very well academically but strongly feel I'd have been better off without the pressure. It hasn't really got me anywhere tbh. I'm not very confident and generally crumble under pressure which isn;t great in the world of work. DH on the otehr hand is very intelligent but got some lousy grades at school - he loved school though and was involved in so many things - drama, music, sport. He went to University in his late thirties and ended up doing a PhD. I don't think that pressuring him in that direction would have been productive, or that he would have achieved as much as he has now becaus ethe interest and passion, the drive wouldn't have been there. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

I also strongly believe that confidence and self esteem are much harder to catch up on than academic learning. Much harder to "fix" as an adult.

In terms of what he does instead of doing school work, we've just used our bt hub to limit the time at which the children's devices can access the internet. Took them several days to ask why their ipdas weren't working at times they weren't supposed to have them! I've also put a family timer on Ds's xbox which can only be over-riden by me with a passcode.

My DD wasn't the best at focusing at school much less on homework. We had a meeting with her head of year and agreed realistic targets. Head of Year meets her weekly at school, we monitor at home. If she meets the targets she gets a reward. Hard-going and time-consuming as DH and I both work full-time with long commutes, but it is working.

My DD was pretty lazy, until she hit the GCSE years, she is now working very hard - as she is motivated and wants to get As/A*s.

Did you discuss school choice with your DS? You seem to have chosen not to send him to the "academic" school because you didn't want him to be pressurised but are now considering pressurising him in a less academic school?

What is he interested in? What does he want to do? Does he think he can do it? What subjects does he work in?

Actually if your son wanted to be a plumber or similar he might well end up with a better lifestyle than someone with a degree.

Ultimately you can't make someone learn - and trying is counterproductive.

Lots of young people find it much easier to learn from someone who is not their parents. But I wouldn't pay for a tutor if a young person was totally against the idea.

School choice was his local one and the one he wanted to go to. There was a possibility that he would have got into the boys school but not his friend as it was a lottery, then he wouldn't have known anyone which would be worst case.

I've got to be consistant, but in small chunks. thanks again.

You asked when is the time to apply pressure - my answer is gradually. Set expectations now and do not waiver... Maybe devise a hall pass system so that he gets the odd time to go and play with his mates when he should be working as long as h/w won't then be late. (a good way to manage the pressure if you think it might get to him).

Sit with him and work it out. We all know homework is boring, but if he gets it into his head now that it is non negotiable, the stress that takes is nowhere near what it will be like trying to do it in gcse years where the apathy and teenage mood swings will be well and truly there.

You can step up the game and be more pushy later but for now good groundwork is essential.