To think I must be the reason DD is so violent?

[Famzilla]

DD is 15mo and for the past 2 months just has not stopped hitting & scratching, and it is getting progressively worse. Today she went around attacking every single parent & child at toddler group, even drawing blood (she was with the CM, otherwise I would have removed her a lot sooner!)

I just don't know what to do. I know children go through phases but this feels so out of my depth. (Can you tell she's my PFB?) I've tried a loud "no" followed by removal from wherever or whatever she is doing for a few minutes to just strapping her into the buggy and leaving wherever we are. I've tried ignoring it, have even tried pretending to cry to demonstrate that it really hurts.

It's getting to the point now where other mums are actively picking their children up as soon as they see DD like she's some sort of feral dog which breaks my heart. I don't know what I've done wrong to make her like this or how to fix it.

MIL says DH was just the same when he was a child and that he grew out of it by about 5, but I think she may just be saying it to make me feel better.

Would really love some advice, or even some hand holding.

Thank you all so much for your suggestions. Feeling much more positive about this now.

I did bellow "NOOOOO!!!" at her once when she smashed the ipad into my face whilst I was asleep (we cosleep), she burst into tears, as did I and then I spent the whole day cuddling her and saying how sorry I was. I'm a bit pathetic

My Dd's best friend is the most gorgeous, gentle, polite, kind, bright, sweet lad you could imagine. His mum tells me that as a toddler he just went around randomly hitting and kicking people, so much so that she could not bear to take him to playgroup anymore! It is awful for you but is most probably a phase that will pass.

She's gonna cry plenty.... Obviously genuine upset needs comfort but 'getting your own way' tears need less attention.

Lesson learned the hard way with DH when it comes to DD....

Honestly, you're doing everything right and it's not your fault.

The only other thing I can suggest is something that worked with my toddler: When he was rough I would hold his hands and run them gently down my face while saying "soft hands." Then I'd tell him how nice it felt and give him lots of praise and cuddles. After a while it became his way of showing me he wanted some one-on-one attention.

If he began to be rough with another child or an animal, as soon as I said 'soft hands' he would immediately drop back into gentl mode.

Maybe showing her the right way to touch could help a bit, as well as keeping up the 'no hitting/biting/scratching' as you're doing?

This is about communication. They bite, hit and scratch because they want to have an impact on someone, to get a response.

It is quite possible that she has hearing problems if you are partially deaf, and if it's glue ear that can be very painful in a noisy environment.

Does she babble and chat a lot?

Apart from the obvious discipline tactics mentioned here I would try and focus on things like clapping games, ball rolling, peekaboo anything that indicates you are hearing her and she is hearing you, lots of eye contact and smiles. She needs to learn that that's how we communicate.

I hope that's not too way off the mark (hard to tell without more info from you).

Remember if she has glue ear a raised voice might be painful.

Ds1 went through a horrific biting phase. Positively reinforce non violent behaviour (good girl for being gentle). Lurk and immediately redirect violent behaviour (no, no hitting). Follow through with naughty step if repeated. Think about triggers (tired, hunger). And what you can do to manipulate (ds1 hated me withdrawing. So 'no, I don't want to cuddle you as you just bit me'). It took a while, plus DH shouting, for it to work. But it did.

I've seen spagblogs writing loads of hurtful things on here perhaps they should be removed

Good advice and like many posters here, my 24 yr old son was a biter..(between 1-2yrs)....drew blood once on a little baby...worst time of my life. I did all of the above. He now is such a gentle kind peacemaker. (People came up to me in the street when he was at primary to tell me how kind he was to their DCs)...This too shall pass. Hugs to you OP, I really feel for you.

Oh and forgot to say...if you are a mum whos child has been bitten, pushed, hit etc and you can see that their mum is doing everything to stop it happening, please be gentle with them...yes your precious child is hurt and crying but try and think what the other mum is going through. I used to run the Mum& toddler sessions but had to stop as couldn't take DS away. Some of the mums used to say when I came in...'Oh here comes dracular'. That hurt so much......

Look, its not you. I remember when dd was 18mths. She ran around beating and hitting babies at toddler group, it was awful. Iwas so ashamed and in front of the worse type of queen bitch mums too.
happy to say she is now a super sweet v well behaved 3year old. A mum of five pulled me over and whispered, this has happened to me five times!
So dont sweat it, this too shall pass

What gimcrack said about withdrawing reminded me, the other thing I did once I'd said no and removed any danger of repetition, was to look away from him. It sounds silly but actually I wanted to teach him he would get more attention through good behaviour than bad. I could tell he'd be looking at me waiting for a reaction but other than the No and removal he got nothing.

Been going through exactly the same for the past few months. My lo is 16 months, health visitor was useless but has promised me a visit in the next two weeks . Your not alone Op

We tried that too MsJupiter and while we didn't find it that effective on its own, when we coupled it with all the really positive cuddles and praise for the 'lovely kisses' / good behaviour it did get through.

Yes definitely Lorelei