AIBU to want DH to attend?

[caeleth84]

We're invited to the christening/naming ceremony of our friends' son on a Sunday in July.

Not sure quite what the equivalent is in the UK, but probably godparents? As in picked by us and affirmed in church to especially follow up DS throughout his upbringing..

So she's his godparent (or whatever), my best friend, and a single parent. DH knows her well and they get along. She doesn't have a lot of support, or money, and this is a big deal for her. We didn't have any plans for that weekend and have accepted the invitation.

Yesterday he got an invitation to go to his friends' annual tennis tournament and party in Denmark the same weekend. They'll play tennis on Saturday and party all night. He obviously wants to go to the weekend, which is understandable as he doesn't see his Danish friends very often.

However, it's a really important event for DS' godparent, and I feel like it's our duty to be there for her since she's obviously committed to being there for DS for the next 18 years or so...

So I've suggested a compromise. He goes to Denmark, but leaves early on Sunday so he'll make it home in time. He can take a day off work and go on Thursday if he wants to, to make up for the few lost hours on Sunday. The big difference will be that he can't get as plastered on Saturday as he probably would otherwise, and he'd obviously be tired on Sunday from travelling early. It's not ideal, but it is a way for him to make it to both events.

He doesn't want to, because he doesn't want to go to the christening. The weekend in Denmark is more fun and he wants to do that. If he can't do the full weekend he doesn't want to go to either event, so he'll just stay home and sulk.

AIBU to think the compromise is a good (but not ideal) solution so that he can do the fun stuff but still join the christening? Sometimes doing what's right for the family trumps doing what's fun, surely?

YANBU. You can't just ditch an event you have already accepted because a better offer comes along.

I suggest you listen to what he is saying OP which is that if he doesn't get his own way, he will stay home and sulk. He's deliberately trying to manipulate you into changing your boundaries about this. Don't!

Saying that, I wouldn't get into a big argument about this because it will end up spoiling your enjoyment of your friend's event. Just make it clear to your dh that you expect him to be at the event he has already committed to. Then leave him as an adult to make up his mind and do what he wants. But if he chooses to go to Denmark for the entire weekend then he has to cancel on your friend and he has to tell her the truth.

I think you can also tell him that you're disappointed if he chooses that course of action but let him show you what he is like.

Don't cajole or argue with him because then he might come and sulk and that would be the worse option for everyone!

Ah ok got that wrong way round.

I still think if he wants to go he should.

Very true that, APlace.. I'm very tempted to just "let" him go as I really don't want him sulking at the event or ruining it for anyone else me and basically wasting her money. I wish he could just grow up a little and make the best of it.

But yes, I think I will tell him just that. We already had a great big argument (oops!), but no way am I getting into another one.

But Minnie he can go.
OP has no issue with this at all.
He would just come back earlier on the Sunday to attend the event that HE has already PERSONALLY accepted the official invitation to.
He would go on the Thursday and come back Sunday.
So Thursday and Friday night to get proper smashed and just be a bit more sensible on the Saturday.
Not a lot to ask!

I would leave him to sulk, and would be more than happy to let people know (if asked) why he isn't at the christening

He sounds like an overgrown child.

I am totally opposite to most people on the thread! Maybe its to do with my friendships being mine, rather than DPs though. I wouldn't classify my best friends child's christening as more important than DPs friends event. In fact, I am attending a christening where I am Godmother in a few weeks, taking 2 of our 4 kids and himself is going to another family event with the other 2. Now if it was OUR best friends (we are very close to 2 other couples) he wouldn't even want to go somewhere else. The fact that your DH does signifies that this isn't the case, that he see's her as your friend and not his. Perhaps her Godmother status to your son was for your sake and him doing a nice thing? Rather than signifying his adoption of her as family?
DP knows, likes and respects my friends but they are just that, MY friends - as long as I am there, they would be happy with that. Not sure that would change due to lone parent status or anything either.

PS: even for children I really really love...whispers christenings are really boring....Denmark sounds brilliant so I might be inclined to sulk myself if I had to miss it for one of DPs mates kids christenings #bad friend

QueenofallIsee I don't think it's about classing OP's friendships as more important. The simple fact is that OP's dh made a commitment. If he had commited to his friends first then that should take priority. OP has offered an alternative which will allow dh to attend both events and his reponse has been to sulk.

None of us know if OP's dh wants to go to Denmark because it's his friends or if it's just because it sounds like more fun! If the event in Denmark was a naming ceremony and the event at home was drinking and tennis, I wonder which one OP's dh would choose?

Are you sure it isn't your Dh's naming day given that him planning to sulk is like a toddlers .

I would tell him to bog off to Denmark and not come back early. While turning down an accepted invitation to take up a better offer is disgraceful he will spoil the day for everyone as he is bound to be a tosser while he is there.

I can see what you're saying Queen regarding how the OP's DH May or may not view her friend, but the fact is that the OP's DH has already accepted their invitation to the Christening.

To back-track now, due to a 'better' offer is incredibly rude & selfish IMO.

I get that Place, and if it were 2 days before I would be saying to my DP, I think it is to late now as the commitment is made. Both of these events are a good few weeks off - one is afternoon only for my friend with limited need for confirmed numbers and one is something DP would love to go too - I would honestly have no problem with him choosing that instead. I am honestly not one of those faux cool types either! If it were a family event maybe not, but in this case its a mate of the OPs. I guess I sympathise with her DH saying but its YOU she needs there, not me.

"If it were a family event maybe not, but in this case its a mate of the OPs."
But it IS a family event. This 'mate of the OP's' is also the godmother of HIS son.

He accepted her invitation to her face. To then turn round to her and say he got a better offer prefers to go and get pissed in Denmark is INCREDIBLY RUDE. And as for " If he can't do the full weekend he doesn't want to go to either event, so he'll just stay home and sulk." - that is the attitude of a four year old!

Where it's not the attitude of a 4 year old - even my 4 year old would accept that as a reasonable compromise... (Not that she goes on pissups to Denmark yet...)

Your DH sounds like an immature brat. YANBU He is BVVVVU