to ask this mum .....

[superbagpuss]

If both my DT are invited to a party?

one DT has an invitation in the book bag, the other does not

only year reception so normally full class parties, DT are having a full class party to which this child is invited

should I assume DT only has been invited or worry that one invitation has got lost and ask if both have been invited?

I don't do the school run should would need to do a text/ email to find out

I would definitely ask. It would be very odd at this age to invite one twin and not the other.
I would expect the other on got lost or she was expecting one invite would do for both!

Why not speak to her direct (by phone if necessary) and accept the invitation on behalf of DT1 - if she doesn't say anything you could say, 'am I right that DT2 is not invited?'. But I suppose that depends on whether you would send DT1 if DT2 is not invited - .

Are the DT identical so other mum doesn't know there are two? I have taught at my school for 2yrs and only just found out there are identical twins elsewhere in the school because I have never seem them in the same place!

Are they DD/DS and the party is 'all the girls' or vice versa?

I think it most likely that one DT lost their invite. YANBU to ask IMO.

I would just text to say just wanted to check it is just for DT1 as I've had invites before where they've given one invite but meant it for both. Is OK if just meant for DT1 and not DT2! Just wanted to avoid any misunderstandings.

Does it have a name on it? If not I would assume a invitation was put in all book bags but party mum assumed you would only need one invitation.. I would just check with the mum.

hi, thanks the are none identical boys, maybe she doesn't know they are twins

I would send DT 1 by himself as its good for them to be individuals, but am surprised at this age just one was invited

I would ask, but put in the email you completely understand if they're only having a little party and its not a problem if only one of your sons are invited.

but am surprised at this age just one was invited

Why? perhaps she is limited in the numbers she can have? Perhaps she doesn't want an all-class party. It is not written in stone that EVERY child has to go !!

I am surprised because talking to other parents of twins I heard that only one will be invited from about year 2, normally either both get invited or neither - both of which I am fine with

Could you wait a day or two before relying, and see if dt2 gets one in his bag.
Dds friend was invited to a party of a close friend but dd didn't get an invite cue much tears and angst as dd is quite close to this girl. She turns up the next day all smiles as the teacher didn't put all the invites in as she was busy.

update: no invitation in bag, so accepted for dt1 and made a comment about dt2, she said invitation must have got lost as both definitely invited

Oh! What is the fabled law of both getting an invite until yr 2? Mine twins boys have only ever both been invited to the same party on 2 occasions, same boy both times. I have never questioned it, they are different children with different friends, also never seen a whole class party.

I'd ask, I wish I had when T1 was invited to a party and T2 wasn't as it broke both their hearts at the time, they were 5, just been separated into different classes at school and super close, I sent T1, but he hadn't realised his brother wasn't staying, I took T2 to the local arcades and to McDonalds, but he was miserable, I went to pick T1 up and it turned out he had also been miserable, crying and not joining in.

Mum of birthday boy said she hadn't realised they were twins and she would have invited both if she had known and that she was so sorry.
Trouble was we didn't still don't know each-other that well, so I didn't feel I could ask, and she just didn't realise.

Every other party they have been to, they have both been invited, but I think they would be fine going alone now, they are nearly 9, secure in their separation at school, and while still close are appreciating different activities now it's taken bloody long enough, until now they were like the same child split in two lol

My DS has/had 3 sets of twins in his classes over the years and normally only ever invites one.

But that's because twins are very rarely put in the same class (unless they have a real problem settling without the other one).

In regards to text/email, can you call her instead? Sometimes the written word conveys differently to spoken and she might think you are trying to insist both are invited, where-as really you are just trying to clarify.
Be careful how you phrase it all whichever way you do it though.

Not every reception age party is for a whole class, not everyone can afford it - or to necessarily even reciprocate all invites they've already had. DD only had 5 guests from her reception class.

I would just reply saying thanks for DT1's invite, DT1 will be pleased to come to the party - making sure you use their name so hopefully in the (unlikely, IMO) event they meant to invite both, they'll notice that you aren't mentioning DT2 and flag it up.

Oops didn't read update :o well that proved me wrong didn't it

Glad it's sorted!

my dt's are in 2 classes in reception, only once since september have they BOTH been invited to the same party ...(it was also for twins)

They have got use to it now although DT1 goes to a hell of a lot more parties than DT2 - his class is a lot more clicky.

I asked my friend also has DT's in reception and its usallly a class only party or class + those from nursery so her 2 dont get to go to the same parties either

At their party we invited the whole of both classes 60 children
So most people know they are twins - they dont have to go everywhere together :)

Question to 2boys1girlNoPeace and twinkletoedelephant - did you request that your twins were in different classes? I'm an identical twin and went through all of primary in the same class as my sister. In secondary we were separated and it was difficult. Was going to use traumatic but that would have been hyperbolic.

There were difficulties in primary. We definitely weren't invited to as many parties as we took up two places and I'm sure our friends' parents said you can't invite one without the other but overwhelmingly it was positive to be in the same class.

Really interested to hear your thoughts.

Wouldn't she just have written both their names on the same invitation if she intended for them both to go?

Hi Garcia
I did request that my twins were separated in year one, we wanted them together in reception year to start with, as school was such a big change for them at just turned 4, and they were not very confident boys, very introverted and needed each-other, but we wanted them separate after they had had a year to get used to school itself. The teacher in year 1 refused at first, but then changed her mind when she realised we were right.. They were holding each-other back by being so clingy reliant on the other.
They have flourished being in separate classes, and are individual people now, whereas before I swear to you they were the same person in two bodies not through my doing I add
They are more confident, and more able to get on with life without having to have each-other right next to them. Best decision I ever made for them in my opinion. I think they would still be shy quiet clingy children if not for being in different classes.

Plus they need different styles of teaching, one needs a firm, kick up the bum, no nonsense type, the other needs a confidence builder, a softer touch. One would always suffer if they were in the same class

If the whole class is going then it's unlikely one of your twins would be missed. But if it's only a few children then quite possible only one would be invited. I don't think I'd ask because it would put the Mum in a difficult position if she hasn't invited both. Can you not find out in another way.

there is only one class per year at my DT church school, there have been several full class parties (30 children) which is what I am doing, some smaller parties that either both have been invited too or neither