to wish that DD could 'win' something, just for once?!

[toddlerswereeasier]

DD is 17 and in S6 (Scotland). She has a lovely group of friends but she is always in their shadow.

She gets good marks, but theirs are outstanding. She isn't sporty, they are on all the winning teams. They were first to get boyfriends, they got into 'better' universities etc.

She hasn't been invited to the school awards night. Again. But they are all getting multiple prizes! She works just as hard as anyone else :(

Sometimes being 'exceptional' can work against the student too. My DS is an outstanding artist, has been recognised as being gifted in this area since he first picked up a pencil, not just by us or the family, but generally by anyone who views his work. We have neither encouraged nor discouraged his talent, no extra art classes for example, he simply loves drawing so we are happy for him to do just that.

He was gently told by a teacher once that, though he was exceptional at drawing, by far 'the best' in the school in recent years, he would probably never win the art prize because it wasn't something he needed to try at, it was too easy for him so therefore unfair on the other children.

He says he is not bothered by this too much, but as he approaches his last year at primary I know he'd like to be acknowledged by his school just ONE time. Not least because he has won many a large art competition, entered into by his teachers, where the school, not him, profited from the prizes.

She'll forget about it when she gets to uni, but I get it. It sucks.

Same thing happened to me. There were awards at the end of the year for kids in the second last and last year of school. There were enough awards in a certain subject area for all the kids who took it to get a prize out of the final year kids. I was in that class and the prizes went to all of my classmates plus one kid from the year below us. I was the only one in the class who didn't get one.

I can't say I ever got an award or trophy at school.

But it never bothered me. I still went off to college and went into a career that I do well in. :)

I agree, being 'top' all the time can be an issue later...a super talented ex boyfriend of mine from school won everything, aced at sports, head boy etc then went to university and had the biggest shock that he wasn't actually that amazing at all and was surrounded by equally or more talented students.....he found that first year very hard to cope with and I think his story is not uncommon.

I wish they wouldn't do awards in schools like this.

At my dd's first primary (we moved her) the awards seems to go those children who needed the extra encouragement.

So say, J wasn't good at listening in class. When J did listen well, J got an award. So it made J want to listen more in future.

If that makes sense. My girls don't get many awards. But then, they haven't got any sanctions (oh, apart from dd1 a few weeks into starting reception & the principal said the teacher (new) was a little over zealous) that I know of. I would much rather this than them come home with awards, to be honest. But yes, dd2 has commented that she never gets an award/certificate.

But she has been start of the day. Because her teacher has them all do it anyway.

Your daughter sounds great, I bet she will be a fab teacher. The mark of a person isn't about how many awards they win.

My daughter has a G&T friend, yet the friend has no social graces or awareness at all. He isn't v popular because he boasts that he is better than others, which obviously gets their backs up!

Not least because he has won many a large art competition, entered into by his teachers, where the school, not him, profited from the prizes

that just sucks!

*star
.

One of the most successful and admirable children of my friends, failed exams for entry in three different private primary schools. Failed to get into a good secondary school, did the exam for university six times and failed every time. Then went to a private university, transferred to the public university that had failed her six times and got honours in her bachelor's degree and an honorable mention in her master's degree.

My daughter was a whizz in primary school but at the first sign afterwards, gave up trying at things when she wasn't one of the best.

Children develop at different speeds and being the prize-winner is not the important thing, stickability and not being put off are wonderful qualities that take people an awful lot further.

Your DD will also make an excellent teacher because she will appreciate how children feel when they don't win prizes.

Paolo. That is wrong on so many fronts.

Paolo. That is wrong on so many fronts.

It is, isn't it.
Don't get me wrong, DS is always very happy when he has success in a contest, but then the end of year school prize-giving comes around and the art prize is given to a pupil who 'has tried hard' or 'shows improvement'. Every time.
He is a kind boy though and doesn't begrudge other other pupils' recognition. He's resigned himself to not winning now he says.

Over the years the school has acquired new art materials, technology resources and books for the library as a result of DS' success.

That's one thing about DD's school. The prizes do go to the high achievers, even though it is often the same pupils year after year. Although they do have endeavour awards as well.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

That's a marvellous phrase, which I wish someone had taught DM when she beat me for coming 2nd at the end of Y7.

Och euphemia you sound a lovely teacher ,

Good god your mother beat you for not getting top

Paulo - have you spelt this out to the school? Pointed out that your DS has feelings too? And being talented doesn't mean you should be overlooked?

The same with the PP (sorry, on phone) whose DS never gets star of the week. It's one thing banging your drum about it in Autumn half term - but the academic year is nearly over and in reception he should have been recognised for something by now - they're in danger of losing his enthusiasm for learning

Josie DH and I discussed having a chat with the HT regarding the issue but we couldn't find a way of stating DS' feelings and it not sounding petty, if that makes sense. Even to our ears it sounds like sour grapes, that DS hasn't won and someone else has.
We don't really want to be those parents, even if we do feel he's been taken advantage of over the years.

I think they assume that DS must be applauded regularly for his talent so they don't need to acknowledge it publicly.
So they haven't.

It really doesn't sound petty to me...

Interesting thread. My DD1 has never won a single prize at high school. She is reasonably bright but a real hard worker who almost overachieves grades wise. Friends have her down as a bit ditsy and say say stuff like "Goodness, how did you get that grade?"

She will definitely win in life though; she has fantastic people skills, is universally liked and has to beat the lads off with a stick. And she has the sort of visual skills that mean she can put a vase on a table and it all looks effortlessly stylish. Sometimes valuable things are difficult to measure.