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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take DS out of school for 4 days next year?

397 replies

The3Bears · 15/06/2014 22:54

We came back from our family summer holiday last Sunday, 2 weeks in Cyprus at the Holiday village and we absolutely loved it so want to book again asap while we can benefit from the free child place as ds2 is 2 next year so we will have to pay for him too. We went on the 24th May this year and our holiday cost a fortune, no free child place and £1600pp aswell as our wedding in Cyprus on top of this
So we had a look and it's over £1000 cheaper to leave on Thurs the 28th May next year and a free child space but ds1 whose 7 and will start Juniors next year will miss 4-5 days off school and I'm unsure wether to book. We've never had a holiday in term time before and his attendance is great, he's doing really well with all his work and with how much everything cost this year we'd be unable to pay extra to go on the 24th this year so would have to miss out
IABU if i book this holiday as I'm feeling really unsure about it all and would like some advice as to what you would all do?
TIA

OP posts:

Retropear · 17/06/2014 11:04

Our head doesn't fine and attendance is fine.

brdgrl · 17/06/2014 11:13

Meanwhile, over on another thread, there's someone being summoned to a meeting with HT and EWO for 94.6% attendance due to illness. Probably because the school's attendance has fallen low due to people taking their kids out for holidays.

If so, then the problem lies with the policy of penalising the school, not the individual parent exercising their discretion to take their child out of school.
This is bad policy, applied badly, and the solution is not to roll over for it or blame parents for being parents.

AnyoneForTennis · 17/06/2014 11:14

retro it's not down to your head teacher to fine?? What are you talking about?

Retropear · 17/06/2014 11:19

Parents don't get fined at our school.

TheRealMaryMillington · 17/06/2014 11:27

The current regime is indeed crap. The fines are too low and do nothing to deter those who are well off (who are the major buggerer-offers in our school) etc etc

Heads should be allowed to use discretion (they certainly have to make far more difficult and serious decisions every day) and am sure would allow the OP her 3 days under a less draconian and ridiculous set of circumstances.

But pretending that taking the kids on holiday is somehow a protest act that fights the system is a pile of steaming horse poo. Rather it undermines any argument for the return of a more flexible and responsive way of doing things.

Support your school. Show up.

brdgrl · 17/06/2014 11:34

Mary, would you care to comment on my example of my DH being told off for taking his recently bereaved children on holiday?

But pretending that taking the kids on holiday is somehow a protest act that fights the system is a pile of steaming horse poo.
That's your opinion, and you are entitled to it. I think that there is a need for civil disobedience in this situation, and indeed, if it makes the policy's basic flaws more obvious (as your example above illustrates), then it is working. Good.

TheRealMaryMillington · 17/06/2014 11:42

brdgl - I hadn't see your post re DH but I think he did exactly the right thing. Any HT able to exercise discretion would have of course authorised absence.

Retropear · 17/06/2014 11:49

"Support your school-show up" pmsl!

I more than support my school thanks.My kids have fab attendance.2 however probably have/had more than a week equivalent off though when you factor in music lessons,music events,rehearsals,courses,monitor duties,sporting fixtures(they've had 2 days and 3 afternoons off this term alone for various things). But that's ok.

LayMeDown · 17/06/2014 12:16

"Support your school-show up"

How patronising. I do support my school thank you very much. I am on the PTA, DH is on another school committee lobbing for improved facilities. I volunteer for the school fete and the annual sports and art days. I make a generous annual donation.
I ensure my children are punctual and complete all their homework. I speak regularly with the teachers to see if there is anything else I can do to help them at home.
Supporting my school does not mean handing over my right to make decisions about what i think is best for our family. If DH and I decided for whatever reason that our children needed to miss school for a short period of time. I would expect the school to respect that, becuase we are their parents. We are intelligent, sensible grown ups capable of weighing up the cons of them missing school vesus the pros of the alternative and acting on it.
Thankfully in Ireland this is respected and I have never had to justify or explain that decision. I would hugely resent being treated like some sort of criminal in these circumstances.

Christwaddle · 17/06/2014 12:20

Support your school!?
Ha!
I go to every school assembly.
I go to special events - the science morning for example, and the mini beast hunt.
I go to the charity events - and pay for cupcakes I don't want or need.
I go to sports days.
I got to shows (in fact went to one last week)
What on earth is your point!?
I refuse to be dictated to regarding my children's best interests.
Big brother is here, people, and we are just letting it happen :(
Can you imagine if they told Irish, or French or Italian parents when they could take their kids on holiday!?
There would be riots!
I know that they are trying to keep a closer eye on children after the climbe case and baby P case but those children were failed by their teachers and LAs too.
They are using a blanket policy which won't actually help the children it's designed to protect, because those children either aren't in school anyway, or have parents that just don't care :(
Any HT worth their job should Know the child and the family circumstances and make individual judgments based in those facts.

tiggytape · 17/06/2014 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsfab · 17/06/2014 13:04

How and where do you see all these children who are off school having holidays? Won't they be somewhere other than the high street or are you on holiday and skiving school too?

Just because others do something doesn't make it right. Just makes you like an idiot too.

brdgrl · 17/06/2014 13:53

brdgl - I hadn't see your post re DH but I think he did exactly the right thing. Any HT able to exercise discretion would have of course authorised absence.

But the HT was, and didn't! She was unreasonable and wrong. This was a few years back, and DH wasn't fined, but presumably would be now, as the HT was quite clear in saying he was wrong to take them. "Discretion" ought to be left to parents, not to HTs.

but the OP being encouraged to take her kid out for the sake of saving a couple of grand off a £4k holiday…..and the general principle of ogin on holiday whenever you want because you fancy it….well, sorry it's not freedom fighting, or "civil disobedience" it's just doing whatever the fuck you want. It ain't about the cause its about the cut-price mini break.
No, it is about the cause. If I want to take my kid out of school, I am the parent and that is my choice. If my child is habitually truant, that is a separate issue and one which can be addressed without this ridiculous policy.
No one said "freedom fighting" , but it most certainly is civil disobedience. It's not "doing whatever the fuck you want", it is making decisions in the best interest of your child.

Original poster

The3Bears · 17/06/2014 14:25

Wow I didn't expect this thread to get so heated, I do see where a lot of you are coming from but I really don't think 3 days missed off school is going to mess up everything and cause my child to be behind for months.

Whoever said about 5* sharm el sheik we did have a look at there actually as it is very cheap right now but decided against it after reading the travelling advice also our children struggled in 26 heat in Cyprus they would not enjoy the 40 heat in Egypt, besides the point anyhow we can go on holiday where we like and its our money that we work hard for and to save so its really no one else's concern.

Its really not a case of doing what the 'fuck' I like, I would be more stupid to pay £1700 to leave 3 days earlier, its my decision and if i really thought my child would suffer missing 3 days at school i wouldn't have considered it but truth is he's been of school previously for 3 or more days with illness and he's been absolutely fine when he's gone back in and hasn't had much catching up to do at all.

OP posts:

AnyoneForTennis · 17/06/2014 15:02

Your 4 days has now become 3?

Original poster

The3Bears · 17/06/2014 15:17

yes as I said earlier they have an inset day next year on Monday the 9th June therefore it would only be 3 days now.

OP posts:

Heels99 · 17/06/2014 16:34

3bears have you booked

GobbolinoCat · 17/06/2014 16:39

The3bears are you new to MN because these threads do become heated.

As for support your school what a load of twaddle I think many MN have illustrated on here the amount of support they do with their children in terms of homework, and the school....

It makes a mockery of the whole thing and its parents like us that this rule is punishing.

The schools want to be careful about driving good parents away and not making them feel like not giving a shit./

GobbolinoCat · 17/06/2014 16:41

I know that they are trying to keep a closer eye on children after the climbe case and baby P case but those children were failed by their teachers and LAs too

Really?

There was a case in yesterdays paper about children going to school so smelly the teachers had to either wash them or avoid them.

The neglect went on even though teachers aware of it...for months, years perhaps, the child, a baby was admitted to hospital with severe nappy rash and only then did it all spiral out and they couple were put in prison.

But the children went to school adn went to school in horrific malnourished, filthy flea ridden states.

So I disagree this will help in any way.

Christwaddle · 17/06/2014 16:47

That's my whole point gobbolino!!
They were failed by the teachers and LAs - they went to school and their (obvious) needs were ignored.
So being in school didn't prevent the abuse they suffered, did it?

clam · 17/06/2014 18:20

"They were failed by the teachers and LAs"

I think you'll find they were failed primarily by their parents.

brdgrl · 17/06/2014 18:25

I think there was plenty of failure to go around. But shall we pretend that the policy of fining parents for taking their kids on holiday would have saved those lives?

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