AIBU to not tell DP the baby is tired?

[fledermaus]

I am upstairs doing some work, DP is downstairs looking after the DC aged 4 years and 4 months.

The baby is grumbling and whinging. I know she is tired and needs a nap. It sounds pretty obvious to me (she has just been fed and changed).

I know the advice on Mumsnet generally is not to interfere when dad is doing childcare so as not to be nagging or undermining.

So, should I just close the door and let him work it out for himself, or should I go down and tell him to put the poor child to bed?

Go down. Your child is miserable and needs sleep.

No tell him 'I think the baby is tired' and then carry on with what you are doing. I always used to when the children were small.

Id just say something nonchelant, like, "she might just fancy a little snooze"

I'd have to go down especially to nonchalantly mention it though...

He knows when she last slept as well as we were out together.

I don't think a mention in passing is necessarily undermining, esp as he may be distracted by 4 yr old. Waiting till baby is roaring, going down and snatching baby away & huffily saying well I suppose I'll have to put you to bed if Daddy won't - def undermining.

Do you not need a glass of water, biscuits, cup of tea?

Why let your child be miserable for longer just because mn says so?

Id go down.

Fuck MN, the baby needs you to step in.

Def step in - you can do it in a way that's not undermining him and your baby is the one who will suffer (well, and the rest of you too once they stop grumbling and really kick off )

Why would you not put the needs of your child first? The other parent has failed to notice something that you have. That's it - do something about it.

Find another childish way to punish the person you chose to have children with if you must but not using your child. Do you have some kind of 'tit for tat' system going on, OP?

Don't be ridiculous

Does he normally notice? For me it isn't as cut and dried as some other posters - I think a parent deserves the chance to learn to pick up on their child's signals, and that can be hard if the other is always issuing conclusions. I would probably mention it though.

So, should I just close the door and let him work it out for himself, or should I go down and tell him to put the poor child to bed?

Neither

Just go down and tell him the baby sounds tired

He doesn't really ever have the baby alone to have to be the one to notice Penguins - I always do.

Is he still struggling with a grouchy child when you could easily help him out?

Seems a bit mean on everyone really

See, him never having the baby alone long enough to ever notice does sound like more of a problem, esp as it's DC2. Did he never look after DC1 alone or is he just well out of practice?

Hope he's now figured it out & will be better next time.

He never really looked after DC1 alone in the first few months either tbh.

I did go down after about 15 minutes as I could hear him desperately shaking toys in her face - casually mentioned that the baby had been awake for a couple of hours now and he did realise she was probably tired.

However, when I came down for dinner at half 6 I found he had done everything ALL WRONG and had let DC1 fall asleep on the sofa and had let DC2 have too long a nap

Obviously I told him he was a crap father and I'd never trust him to look after them again...

Erm... Is that sarcasm?

In my experience blokes do not retain certain information so I would defo be putting baby first in this instance. Neither parent will be happy but that's their problem quite frankly.

Not fathers day in your house then?