I have read numerous threads lately where posters believe that good respite care is readily available and all you need to do is ring up SS or another professional body and it will all be hunky dory. This is very rarely true.
Whilst respite does exist, not all of it is good. I have sometimes hated sending my ds to respite because I know it is not suited to him but it is the only thing available. On some occasions I have not accepted it as it was not appropriate. I have also found that sometimes what most parents would regard as unaccaptable for their neuro typical child is somehow seen as OK or good enough for a child with SN.
Respite is v hard to get. Just asking is only the beginning. In order to access it a lengthy assessment has to take place, before you can be put forward. Choice is not good (see above). Often I have found that in order to be seen as a priority you need to be seen as failing or the child at risk. 'Just' being exhausted or struggling is often not enough due to squeezed budgets etc.
I am not knocking respite, good respite is what is needed for many families who struggle with children with SN. However, it needs to be flexible and needs to meet the needs of teh young people. One size does not fit all and we need to remember that entrusting your vulnerable child to strangers is not easy! How would parents of typically developing children feel about sending them overnight aged eight or nine to a place with a variety of staff you have never met before with no way of explaining to them that it is just for one night! How would you feel sending them to school with an overnight bag then having them picked up from school and taken to respite with no way of explaining it to them?
This is the reality of respite, yes it helps, but it is hard to get and bloody hard to do especially when it is inflexible and sometimes poor quality.