Weekend away

[Blowyourwhistle]

My hubby wants to go away for an evening for his friends birthday, okay it's only the next town down the coast & only for a night but his friend has a history of cheating on his wife........I'm not happy about him going but as ever I'm being grumpy.........am I being unreasonable?

If your husband if trustworthy his friend's actions are irrelevant. If he isn't he'll find a way to cheat even if you control where he goes.

You are if your DH hasn't done anything to make you think he'd cheat on you.

It's not fair to assume he'll cheat just because his mate's a total tool.

How long have you been married?

Does he go out with this mate much?

Every now and again but he just casually dropped this overnight into conversation then blamed me for being worried. I'm the main breadwinner but was told its his decision what he does.

It is his decision what he does. It is your decision whether his behaviour is acceptable to you.

'I'm the main breadwinner but was told its his decision what he does.'

Are you putting the two of those things together? 'I'm the main breadwinner so I get a say in what he does'?

IMO you get a say because you're his wife, but not because he's spending cash you've earnt.

He's an adult and can make up his own mind about whether he wants to go out, he should of course take any problems that might cause you into account (like if you had something to go to on the same date), but apart from reassuring you he's not up for anything else while he's out, he is kind of right that it's your problem (if I can say that without it sounding too harsh).

He shouldn't say no to going just because you think he might cheat on you for no real reason. That would be very controlling of you and could look like you're trying to isolate him.

YABU to think a grown man whom you have no reason to distrust can't have a night out. Without drink driving or spend £££ on a taxi, overnight stays are increasingly a necessary part of a night out (and, yes I know drinking doesn't HAVE to form part of a night out but for most people it does). Problem is that you can't really even have as many as two drinks and be safe to drive so if he wants a few beers with his mate, crashing at a mate's house or whatever is the sensible option. The fact that you are the main breadwinner and he felt the need to bring this up would suggest that there is an issue with the dynamic of your relationship in that regard that needs looking at.

Of course it's decision what he does. He's an adult. If he is going to shag around, he will whoever he is on a night out with in my opinion. You need to decide if you trust him, not his friend.

Wow DH is the main breadwinner in our household, and I'd be absolutely gutted if how much we earned came up in his mind at all when I proposed a weekend away.

As it turns out he has more weekends away than I do. Sometimes it annoys me as I feel he is taking advantage and also is not particularly appreciative when he comes back of the fact that I have been looking after DS and holding the fort together, again.

YABU, as above he's an adult so unless there is some back history we're not aware of, he should be free to go.

Jesus Christ. If a man came on here and said 'I'm the main breadwinner, therefore I can exert control over who my wife associates with', they would be executed, and slowly and ritually eviscerated over a period of weeks.

(and rightly so, obviously)

I think it is wrong to relate being the main breadwinner is in any way related to what your "hubby" does on a night out.

There is a wealth of experience in the Relationships topic if you are grappling with poor communication within your marriage and lack of trust in your DH.

If you are seeking advice/support, I suggest you ask for this to be moved out of AIBU.

it doesn't matter what you earn - he's an adult - he doesn't need a permission slip. If you trust him I don't see the issue

You being the main breadwinner is irrelevant, unless he's out all the time pissing the family's money up the wall. Why would he not be entitled to a bit of time off? Is he a SAHP, or does he just earn less than you? If a man posted a thread about not letting his wife have a night out with a friend in case she strayed there would be all kinds of LTB responses - justifiably so.
The friend being untrustworthy is also irrelevant really. It doesn't say much for your DH's taste in friends, but that's all. You have to trust your DH - if you think he's going to be tempted to stray on a night away then I would be questioning your relationship.
This weekend my DP has gone with his close female friend of 20 years standing to help move furniture out of her parents' home which she has just sold. They will be staying together in an empty flat. She was his good friend long before he met me, and yes, there was a time when he really did hold a flame for her, but that's all water under the bridge now. I trust him. If you don't trust your DH on one night out that tells me that either you are rather insecure for your own reasons, or that he is untrustworthy and you know that but have not shared this knowledge with us. Sorry, YABU.

I wouldnt like this, but i have my own issues which i recognise an therefore would have to rationlise this and deal with what i know not what i think i will know in the future - if that makes any sense at all.