to be jealous over something I chose!

[Aberdeen3]

So my oh and I are ttc. We have prepared for it all and are saving etc etc, but we live quite far away from both our families. Obviously our own choice, we have a close relationship with our families. But recently it has been really making me green to hear how much my parents do for my nieces and nephews, who all live within walking distance of eachother. My brothers and sisters can go out any weekend, go to any function, don't have to miss work if child is ill, I know I made the choice to live away (for work) and there's no chance of us moving closer to either family as both live in rural locations. I worry about how we will cope? I'm worried I won't be good enough and there'll be nobody to help me. My oh thinks we'll just cope as millions other do, but I worry I'm not that strong. What about money and paying child care. I worry I'm making a huge mistake, but I want children so much. Aibu??

I understand the jealousy perfectly. I've always lived away, and hearing my family talking about normal things, ie visits in hospital when baby's born, people just there, it's bloody hard. Not that I am jealous, just envious. I'm pleased they have the support, just sad I didn't by being so far away. What you're feeling is normal, just don't let it turn into resentment. And guess what - you do cope. And you will be proud of what you've achieved.

I chose to live far away from my family too.

They help out with my nieces and nephew all the time and it can be hard to hear.

However, they also have no peace, people wanting to intrude on private moments, people popping by and commenting on the state of the house/not being dressed etc, stress about who to invite to plays and shows and nativities, christmas and birthdays are a minefield.

On the whole I find being away far less stressful.

You will find your own way to cope, I promise.

Thank you for the replies. I guess jealous is harsh, I'm happy they have the help. But its true my parents don't get any rest from kids running in and out of their home. Its all open door policy! I even babysit when I'm home for a short weekend break! So I know it will mean a lot to have a baby that just visits and isn't somehow everybodies responsibility. But it is hard to imagine my child having just mummy and daddy at his or her first birthday when my niece and nephew have cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents, the works! Feel sad my child might miss out on something.

oh I am the same,
I wish I had stayed nearer home, its leading to all sorts of complications in later life, not being there for my elderly Mum. Not getting to know my nieces and nephews the way i would like. resentment from DB who still lives in home town and feels responsible for DM on his own. Plus we had to bring our boys up with no support as we are too far away. I would not change my life for anything really but wish I could have made the midlands an island and brought the rest of the country to meet in the middle instead. I would love to be 2 - 3 hours away from home instaed of 7 - 8

Oh Ladies I so feel for you all. If someone would have told me what my life would have been like if I hadn't have fallen in love with my DH and chose to stay here, 250 miles away from ALL my family!

But 25 years on I think tho as hard as it was (I can count on both hands how many nights I've been without my DCs when they were with GPs) I can say I did it all myself. (MIL died when DD2 was 5months).

It is hardest on a rainy wet sunday when kids were little and I would have so loved just to pop in for an hour or so for a cuppa. Its all or nothing. But my family are wonderful and my M&D bend over backwards to treat all 12! Grandchildren equally.

A little story that can still make me cry....I had DS in the early hours and phoned my Mum at about 7am...que plenty of tears as she couldn't be there.(I think that as my Best friends Mum died when she was 15 has made me appreciate my Mum even tho so far away) Anyway it was bank holiday Monday and my Parents told me they were out for the day and we would talk later...I was a bit put out but swallowed it...5 hours later I heard footsteps in corridor and just KNEW it was my MUM!!!! Came all the way to see us....9 hour round trip...just for day. (Mum couldn't get any more time off work) They did it with our DD too. (another BH baby...aren't I clever!?) (MY Mum was actually at the birth of DS2 as induced)

Anyway...my DCs relationship with their GPs is equal to all the DNs and actually would say a tiny bit more special...as they don't see each other much and my DCs are always overjoyed to see GPs. When the kids were younger, I went up to see the family every half term and 2 weeks in summer...now all the DCs grown its been less but they now go up on their own with boy/girlfriends.

It was hard getting the 4am call when DS2 only weeks old as my Dad was critical and not expected to last till we got there. He did and 17 years later still here albeit unwell. It keeps the family together too I think...as when I visit, my DB who has no children always comes over for dinner. In summer, we always have big BBQs which my Parents love...all their children and grandchildren together. (24 of us!)

So I do wonder what life would have been like if I had stayed local and married a local boy....but will never know. My DCs have had a childhood like my own with lots of freedom as we live in small seaside village. And I feel blessed to have given them this. Yes I have had days when I have phoned 'home' and everyone is there but me, and I have shed a little tear...but my fit brown kids more than makes up for it. Good luck too you all...

I think there are benefits to being "alone". My mother died when I was a teenager and the rest of my family are distant (I see them maybe once a year). Sometimes I feel sad that I have no one to turn to but other times I look at all the problems other family have and think about how happy dh and I are in our little "bubble" of our family without anyone to bother us. I think its natural to feel jealous but they probably look at your freedom and feel a little jealous too!

Totally understand as DHs parents do everything for SILs and her kid but not much for us
On the other hand my mum and dad can be at times far to involved and I sometimes wish we live further away (even though most of time they are brill) and I couldn't live away from my family for health reasons and the fact I need help from them.
The grass is always greener and that

We're in a similar boat.

Hundreds of miles away from both sides of the family.

My Mum's family all live in the same small town as my parents and 2 cousins have had babies in the last couple of years.

They have childcare on tap, but do you know what? I am bloody proud that I've got my DC to 6 and 4 without ever having to rely on anybody else.

I spend time with my cousins and they do things like leave their one DC with the grandparents so they can go supermarket shopping. They say they don't know how they'd cope without them. I actually think it's extremely disempowering and I'm proud of the relationship I have with my DC.

Yes, it's been tought. For a start, DH has never, ever taken a day off work when I've been sick (am a SAHM) so I have had to look after the DC when I'm all with a vomiting bug more than once.

But you survive and it's fine.

Good luck ttc :)