DP and I are both female and DP is black and I am white. We are broke at the moment and so I haven't bothered going to the hairdresser for nearly a year- I see it as an unnecessary expense even though my hair is so awful I can't wear it down any more. However, as DP is black, she has to go to the hairdresser regularly- it's unavoidable unless she just wears her hair in an Afro. It takes ages. She is there now while I am at home working- I've taken on an additional job marking exams (am a teacher) to bring in some money.
Now I know it's really unfair of me but it makes me feel unreasonably angry! I feel annoyed that she's spending money on something that I don't, when we have so little. I feel annoyed that she just swans off and leaves me alone for hours without notice. We need some shopping which she said she'd get while I did my marking, but she isn't answering the phone and I don't know when she'll be back with it so can't start thinking about dinner. AIBU?
AIBU?
To feel aggrieved and hard done by?
PollyCazaletWannabe · 14/06/2014 17:36
I think she would get quite defensive if I asked how much she had earned.
What, you haven't asked her? 
£40 a week on smoking - that is truly shocking to spend that much of your money on one thing. I get that it's hard to stop but I find it amazing that people who are skint smoke. I would feel really stressed by wasting that amount of money every week.
I would feel really stressed by wasting that amount of money every week.
I do! And my addiction takes advantage of my stress 
She doesn't have to go to the hairdresser. My SIL doesn't, she uses specialist shampoo to keep her hair moisturised and regular straighteners just like mine to keep it straight - if anything, her straightening lasts longer and definitely looks better than mine because she doesn't have to wash her hair every day!
DP has his in dreadlocks. Shoulder length ones. Easiest hairstyle ever, gets rinsed in the shower every day and washed with shampoo once a week.
And there are apparently many many tutorials on youtube on how to do corn rows. I plan to learn by next summer so I can keep our mixed-race toddler ds's hair under control as it doesn't look like it'll be curly enough for dreads like daddy's
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Op this is so confusing to me
You are not broke, simply wasting money on non-essentials (cigarettes and dsd- who doesn't need £200 a month- talk to her and cut this right back).
I understand how dp may need frequent hairdressing costs, but these are important if she is still needing to look presentable for job interviews etc. But you also need to keep up your own grooming for your professional role (maybe a haircut every 3 months?)
We are skint at the moment but haircuts are part of an essential outgoing expense. Dh gets his cut every 2 months (I have tried to cut it myself but I looks terrible so he does need to pay for this. I stretch myself out to 3-4 months (am pregant at the moment so have been able to make it to 4 months easily). We have to look presentable for self-esteem/mental health and for our work. But then again we have no money for luxuries such as smoking , at the moment second hand clothing are a 'luxury' to us.
So my advise would be to tell dsd that next month she will be getting £100 until dp has resumed employment. (If your money troubles are ongoing be open to cutting this back further as dsd is an adult and really doesn't need to be propped up by you)
Has dp considered other hair care options? Cheaper style, hairdresser, DIY options? She needs to take some responsibility for this and find the second best alternative if at all possible.
Go and book yourself a good hair cut for next week, dps cigarettes will need to stretch to last longer than usual 
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.