To not let my uncle stay?

[IsChippyMintonExDirectory]

My uncle, who I haven't seen since I was 10, is visiting from South Africa later this month. He wants to see me and meet DH and DD, which I would really love!

He is here for a few weeks and staying at different people houses at different times to save on hotel costs. Our family are mainly in a town about 2 hours drive from where I live, and this is mainly where he'll be staying.

He's bringing his son with him, my cousin, who I've never met.

My mum has offered him to stay at my house, told him "I'm sure IsChippy would be fine with that" and he has made plans to stay for 2 nights (didn't ask or check I just got a text saying when he'd be coming to stay)

Problem is I haven't seen him in so long (20 years) and haven't met my cousin so I'm not that comfortable with letting him stay. The nights he's planned to stay I'm at work the next day (can't take time off at such short notice) and DH works full time from home so wouldn't be convenient for them to be alone at ours during the day.

Plus our house is 3 bedroom, but 1 bedroom is ours, 1 is DDs and 1 is DHs office, so we have no spare bed. This would mean we'd have to find a camp bed of some sort and let them bunk in either the living room or DHs office.

WIBU to call him and say can he make other sleeping arrangements? I feel bad as he's on a budget! I can always offer to come to him in the town he's staying in 2 hours away, will save him petrol!

If he would like to meet you all, can't he just come over for a day?

Maybe stay over one night & then get up & leave when you do?

Or could you all travel to your mum's to spend a day with them?

Really wrong of no one to treat OP as an adult though & actually ask her!

He will obviously be saving shedloads by staying with other long suffering friends and relations on his sponge-athon so let him stay at a BandB and let your mother sort it all out.

It's two days and he's family. Yabu.

YANBU. There's no way I'd let them stay. They're pretty much strangers.

he's family

And?

He can act like "family" and extend her some basic courtesy.

I would. Give them an airbed and a list of places to visit during the day if you're worried about them being under your DH's feet. He's making the effort to come and see you and travelling a very long distance to do so. Welcoming him and his son into your home is not that big a deal.

Personally, I'd let them stay. ButI have a spare room, am used to having visitors and have occasionally put up strangers for the odd night. It's no trouble. I've also stayed with friends and strangers from time to time and am happy to pass on the hospitality I received. I might not be so impressed if my Mum had landed them on me but don't think that would make me say no.

But you obviously never have anyone to stay (how do people manage this?), and aren't used to it. Perhaps you could take the opportunity to branch out of your comfort zone!

I don't think you're being unreasonable so much as a bit in unimaginative. Let them stay, it's a bit of washing and washing up extra, in exchange for interesting - or novel anyway - company. AND it's for 2 days so they will soon be leaving!

What is this "He's faaamly" thing? Family are no exempt from being wrong'uns. Family members lie, steal, abuse - the OP doesn't know the cousin from Adam and hasn't seen the uncle in 20 years - how does she (or indeed her mother!) know that this particular faaamly are indeed good'uns?

Thumbwitch you've just 'said' what I was thinking.

For all intents and purposes the OP is being expected to let two strangers into her home. All muggers/rapists/burgalars/insert crime of choice here are related to someone.

Yeah, and at the very least he's already proven himself to be an inconsiderate ass.

I'd let them stay but I am a bit of a sucker. A while back our Australian nanny's parents were visiting and I said they could stay a couple of days - they stayed nearly 4 weeks! Not so much as a bottle of wine in return. I've toughened up a bit since then but an uncle/cousin for 2 days I would roll with although have also been a victim of my DMs arrangements

Meant to add S Africa is great for a holiday - you'll only need the airfare!

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hospitality

There are some charmers on this thread.

Crikey! What imaginations some of you have

I hate this. My inlaws have done this. We have a small [and shamefully cluttered] house.
We have said 'no' to complete fury from inlaws re travelling relatives from overseas.
We have been happy to take distant relatives out, give tour of city etc but not have them stay in our small, chaotic house on the sofa or our bed or kids bunkbeds [which are the options].

Yes he san stay, but only at your mums house, cheeky git

Thanks for the link to "hospitality"!

Exactly: the relationship between a guest and a host.

And what is a guest? According to Webster, someone who has been invited into the host's home.

So the OP's dilemma doesn't have anything to do with hospitality.

I struggle with this a bit too. I don't mind visitors and enjoy making them welcome but I don't always understand their reason for coming. For example, we are about to entertain(albeit just a meal rather than overnight) my mother in law's cousin's son in law who happens to be visiting the uk. We've never met the cousin much less the son in law.
He will be made welcome and we will look after him well but I am puzzled as to why he would even want to seek out and spend time with such distant relatives.

I recently made a long-haul trip to a country where I have some very old friends. I wrote to tell them I was coming and would be staying in a hotel and that I hoped I could meet up with them. They responded by inviting me to stay with them.

Isn't that just how normal people do this?

I was just realising I have a nearly-adult niece in the US. We keep in touch but haven't seen each other in years. If she were a bit older we'd be in the same relationship as the OP and her uncle. I can't imagine just showing up on her doorstep without her inviting me--even if her mum said, "Oh it's fine." Ridiculous!