To not fly home for this christening?

[zazie7]

DH is moving to Canada for work in November. I am not going out then but hopefully after a few months. His friend asked him months ago when she was pregnant to be godfather to her baby which he was chuffed to bits about, the initial plan was to have the christening sometime this summer.

He told her about his new job and that he would be moving, she said they hadn't set a date for the christening yet but it would definitely be before he moved sometime summer or early autumn.

Now she has got in touch and said she wants to put it off until next spring so they can have a combined christening and first birthday party so it is a bigger celebration. She has asked if he can fly back for this. He is not sure what to do as he would love to be there but money will be tight for us as we will be running 2 households and he was hoping to already come back at Christmas so that we can spend it together. He won't have masses of holiday in the new job or the money for the flights so would struggle to do both.

Would he be unreasonable for him to not attend? He would be gutted not to be a godfather but it is a long way and massive expense to come back. He googled and found out you can be made a godparent in absentia but she is not keen as then he wouldn't be in the photos and videos from the day.

YANBU, that's a lot of money for a half hour stint at the church!

If all she is worried about are the photos and videos I definitely wouldn't be coming back.

I've stood in for absent godparents and they certainly have fulfilled their duties since.

She is making a hugely expensive ask and I think your DH should decline.

What nanny said. Is she going to pay for the flights? I bet she isn't.

FFS! It's not about videos or photos. It's about the godparents input and guiding influence on the child's life. If his friend really wants your DH to be Godfather, then she'll let him do the absentia option.

I don't think he would be unreasonable not to fly back but, if I were him, I would offer to step down as god parent. She might not take him up on the offer, although the photos are obviously important to her ......

Maybe he could be god parent to any subsequent child, whose christening could be planned for when your DH is in England.

YANBU If she wants him there that badly she can find the money for his flight. Somehow I get the feeling that won't happen.

There is a lot more to being a godparent than appearing in a photo.

The fact that she's combining the christening with a birthday party doesn't sound to me like she wants a christening for the right reasons.

Sounds like this is all about a "show" and not really about a christening. She's worried about the photos? heavens to Betsy. Was she a bridezilla too?

No way would I even consider all that expense (and using leave) for this. It is perfectly normal to have godparents in abstentia. Two out of my three were, so the photos show the godparent who was there holding me.

Why not send her a nice photo of DH and she can edit him in to the official photos if she is that bothered. But it is in very poor taste to ask a good friend to be a godparent and then retract the invite because logistics mean he cannot attend a very delayed christening.

YANBU they will not expect you to. You've got a lot on your plate. But a phone call or Skype to apologise and say you wish you could come would probably mean a lot.

I was seriously pissed off at family members not turning up to my son's but because most of them live 5 mins away, it was a saturday afternoon and especially the ones who didn't even ring to thank me for the invite and explain why they didn't come. Grr.

Thanks for the responses. It's good to hear that most people are saying we are not unreasonable if he doesn't com back for this. I should add as well that they are not religious so the christening is more about welcoming the baby into the family etc. rather than the religious significance of the event.

To the people who said she might pay for his flight, that definitely won't be happening. She didn't even come to our wedding as said it was too far/too expensive (it was an hour away) so I think that is why I am also a bit annoyed that she is expecting him to come across the Atlantic for this!

Oh please!

There is no way at all your DH should come back!

Friend? You sure?

If they aren't religious what IS the point?

Ha ha ha. I was not present at the christening where I was a godmother.

They want him back from Canada for the photos when they couldn't drag their arses to your wedding!

Bollocks to 'em

My godmother was not at my christening. She was still a great godmother. If this friend really thought that your dh would be a great godfather figure she would make him one in absentia, especially with such a good excuse for not being there! If she just wants him in the photos then she didn't really want a true godparent in the first place.

Aren't there these wonderful packages available for inserting people into photos to pretend they were there? I'm sure the Godchild won't miss him. I never even asked DS1's Godmother if she wanted to come over from the States to the ceremony.

Bit of a late welcome if she's waiting a whole year! I mean, she could have had another baby by then, if she was minded to.

TBH she sounds a good deal of a drama queen and quite hard work.

I agree with everyone YANBU - she is bonkers

HTH!

My ds godfather had to appoint a proxy for the christening when his flight to the UK got cancelled due to bad weather. We were sad he couldn't be there, of course, because he is a very close friend (who was also our best man), but it couldn't be helped. He is a truly wonderful friend and brilliant godparent as we knew he would be, and it matters not one jot that he wasn't in the pictures. There will be many, many more pics of ds and his godfather together over the years.

Thanks for the replies. Good to hear that other people have done the in absentia thing as well.

She wouldn't travel an hour for your wedding? Fuck coming over from Canada, unless it suits you. I'd encourage DH to say it's not possible and he'd be happy to do it by proxy or to stand down.