To be a bit offended at this comment from a friend?

[saltpotlady]

Before I start, I'll just add that my friend has form for making supposedly ditsy comments. They often have a bit of a sting in them but she makes out that she doesn't realise she was being rude. I used to think it was just how she was, but I think that her comments are more and more intentional now.

A group of us went out for dinner last night. I have just started running a couple of times a week. Not to lose weight, as I am a size 8-10 and already go to the gym regularly, but because I wanted to try something a bit different and to exercise outside in the nicer weather.

So, friend says to me, in front of about 6 others "How is your running going, saltpot?" and I replied "It's going well, I'm really enjoying it". Friend then said "Well make sure you stick at it, it'll help you to lose weight".

I didn't know what to say so I just changed the subject, but actually reflecting on it I am actually quite offended. She has made several barbed comments recently about how I look, and about clothes that I wear, but this was even ruder than normal.

AIBU to be offended??

Bloody hell SaltPot - she sounds like a friend of my mums who said to her "Oh Anne! Cheer up! You're so miserable" to which my mum replied "We have just buried our friend" - they were at the wake after the funeral. She is very self-centred and likes the emphasis to be on her.

I think a "I don't know why we're friends sometimes with the things that you come out with!" is in order...

Yes, I agree with Logical. It is the daftest comeback ever.

I have found it quite effective, the few times I have used it Logical. I have said it without any trace of sarcasm though... as a genuine question.

And if she did mean to be so rude, you've called her on it!

If she didn't, she will (hopefully) realise it came across as very rude.

Win win!

How about 'In your little head, I dare say that sounded funny. In mine however it just sounded nasty."

When this happened to a friend who is a trim size 10 but works hard to stay like that, she couldn't shut her mouth and asked the person what she had done to offend the person as it had been a bunch of insults for week. The woman burst in to tears and left and never did apologise. Just turned up the next week as if nothing had happened.

My friend cooled things and was glad to be away from her.

That level of rudeness is up there with the, "I'm so fat" whine that my friend had a habit of doing, I know she only does it to have a little dig at me and to fish for compliments.

I have a friend who makes digs like this. I didn't even realise she put me down so much until my partner pointed it out to me and then I noticed she got at least one dickish comment in every time I met up with her. I've started to distance myself. She plays on the whole ditzy type thing too!

'I know the type of 'ditsyness' you describe. It is a very aggressive type of behaviour'

I think that's an excellent point Hecate. It's very controlling, like agressively 'nice' people who insist on being 'helpful' but never allow you to politely refuse their help, or people who refuse to take no for an answer when giving you food/pouring you drinks. Poor boundaries, the lot of them.