To find our neighbour somewhat irritating

[blueVW]

Ndns are in their 70s. Wife is somewhat eccentric with probable mh issues, husband spends a lot of time in his shed and on seemingly constant and apparently pointless DIY - I think he's bored/trying to avoid her.

They are both very friendly but I wish the husband would keep 'himself to himself' a bit more.

Dh and I work in very busy, stressful jobs and look forward to our precious time together - but as soon as neighbour sees dh's car outside, he either phones or comes to the door with some daft query, usually technology related. Last night, we had just sat down to eat when he phoned - I answered because I thought it might be dd.

Dh, who is the sort to always try to help if he can, later disappeared into ndn's house to investigate the latest urgent technology issue there.

I'd like to get ndn to back off a bit (without upsetting them, I do appreciate the husband is probably feeling isolated) but dh is too nice to ever say 'no'.

There are loads of other retired neighbours and the make ndn is fit and active, so capable of building his own social life.

Male ndn I meant

I have ignored the door and the phone on my next door neighbour who did this. She soon got the hint

Actions speak louder than words with some people

We have neighbours whose children do something similar. I don't answer the door or phone if it's a bad time. If they come to the back door or kitchen window at tea-time, I wave through the window, smile, and call out, "Eating tea!" Or if they doorstep me I say, "No, we're doing our thing now. So see you later!" [Close door in face.]

It took me a while to get the hang of it, but there's a certain kind of unequivocal yet jolly tone that really does the trick. Give it a try with your neighbours.

Thanks! I do feel a bit of a bitch as they are helpful and keep an eye on things when we go away. I
think we need to get caller display on the phone too.

If thats the worst they do then personally I think YAB a bit U. I've seen posts on here from people driven to distraction with all night parties, barking dogs, abuse etc
They sound lovely tbh.

They do sound lovely and lucky to have you and your DH living next door .
Is it only your DH that the neighbours seem to want to speak to or get help from? If it's your husband's time then it's his choice. If you get very little/not enough time with your DH then it's fair to ask him to tell your neighbour that you're about to eat dinner or busy.

No need to feel like a bitch!

I know just how you feel: because I'm the Nice Lady with the Flower Garden, I had a lot of neighbourhood kids coming around to say hello or to "help" me garden (I know their parents).

Which sounds so very sweet and lovely and how could I possibly complain about it? Until I realised that the moment I was getting home from work I was getting besieged by some of the more lonely/bored kids. (Their lazy parents are another story.) It was untenable.

Being very jolly and direct worked.

Think you're being a bit unreasonable!

Maybe they see your dh as the son they never had?

Don't answer the house phone as you are about to eat!
If it's urgent surely they will ring your mobile instead and you can choose whether to answer!

It doesn't hurt to do the occasional thing for your neighbours but I can understand you not wanting it to become too much.

You/your husband could try careful placed comments so they know to give you a bit of space but that they're still welcome to ask. Like,

'yes I can certainly take a look at that for you, would you mind if it waited until tomorrow afternoon? It's just I've just got in and want to wind down a bit at home'

maybe your dh does not enjoy your precious time together as much as you do? perhaps he enjoys the neighbour's company? or has he been asking you for tips on how to say no nicely?

yes sanfairanne - maybe the OP's DH is having it away with the lady next door, - or, or maybe they've got a little swinging thing going on and the male ndn is in on it and they're trying to hatch a plan to get the OP on board..

Someone we didn't know knocked on our door last night and DH didn't answer. I thought of MN with the no is a complete sentence way but you don't have to answer the door, a knock is a request not a demand. We are anti social anyway but chances are as DH hadn't recognised her it was a door step seller.

The words within the makes terrible sense but can't be arsed to change and I know everyone knows what I mean, if in fact anyone has read it .

Well done Itsfab's husband!